Do boys stay in touch as adults?

[jumpingjacksss]

If you have adult boys, do they stay in touch much once left home? I have 2 boys both v young and I would hate to hardly see them once left home so hence asking on here for your experiences with adult sons

Yes. Mine at 18 and 23. One at uni one at work. I hear from them nearly every day. My eldest phoned for relationship advice only this week. Build the bond, love them, be there when they need and want you. Give them roots and wings and they will always want you.

My brothers didn’t that often

Surely this is like asking 'do girls like cheese?'

It depends on so many things whether your adult child actively keeps in touch with you once they've moved out - mainly it's the relationship that you have with them and the way you engage with them as a parent that informs whether you remain close or not.

To a point. Sadly I personally know of at least 5 cases of men with previously very good and close relationships with their parents who sunder or otherwise weaken their relationship with their parents once they get into serious relationships if this is what their partners want. Some of these are absolutely heart-breaking and a huge source of grief for the parents..

There's an old saying about how a daughter is a daughter all her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife and a chat with my friend earlier got me thinking as we both have young boys and she commented how boys generally don't keep in touch much once left home and I had heard the above rhyme before and yes it's just a rhyme which is why I was curious to ask on here

My uncles(DM's brothers)both married women who made sure contact with my grandmother was kept to an absolute minimum.

Surely it's a personality thing? My H has a brother. H is a cold fish (but so am I so no complaints) and does not phone his mother more than weekly, and visits a couple of times a year. BIL on the other hand talks to MIL daily, and is thrilled that she's just moved round the corner so she can pop in several times weekly.

I have teen daughters, and strongly suspect that when the eldest leaves we'll barely see her, whereas the younger is apparently going to come for lunch every Sunday.

My husband texts his parents a lot more than i text mine.

I fear this too!
2 teenage boys. I think the saying is, ‘a daughter is for life a son just until he gets married’
This scare me.

Some do, some don't.
MIL has 3 sons including DH, she sees all three all the time, probably several times a week and is close to them, their wives and their children.

My brother didn't even bother to tell my mum when he moved to a different part of the country.

Text every day. Meet up at least once a week.

He phones if he needs advice. He sends me at least 3 photos/vids of his adorable cat every day. It’s a group with me, ds and dd on. And the cat😁

Why the fixation on their sex? They are individual people, they will make the effort if they want to and you also make the effort. As will females. I hate all this stereotyping based on sex. but they will be adults with their own lives. my DH speaks to his mum much more than i speak to mine, as his mum makes more effort and we live nearer them.

My DB is late 20s and still lives at home with my DPs.

My cousins are early 20s - lives at home with his DPs. And late-20s, lives half an hour away and still usually comes home most Sundays for lunch.

DH is NC with his surviving parent but obviously there's a lot of background to that. His DB who is mid-30s sees/contacts the parent a couple of times a month I think and lives about 20 mins from them.

DB has lots of male cousins in their 20s. One of them lives at home with a parent, another lives about 5hrs away and contact us only maybe a text once a month and a few times a year visit, another lives between two cities and sees his DP in one of those cities about once a week/once a fortnight, another lives about half an hour away from their DPs and sees them similarly once a week/once a fortnight.

So in general, the males in both our families yes have maintained quite a high level of contact for the most part.

My ds is 22 and lives away from home but in the same city. He phones every couple of days, quite often it's every day, when he's walking home from or to work, or uni.

He's here for dinner every 1-2 weeks, quite often when he has a large amount of laundry!😂

I have two adult ds's - 34 and 33.
The eldest does keep in touch fairly regularly, but because of his job it isn't always the easiest. I'm very close to his dw, so if I don't hear from him then I just ask her how he's doing. We text most or every couple of days.

Ds2 works for me so I see him everyday!

What I am particularly proud of is that both of them, and my two younger dc's who are still at home, all know that they can call me at any time of the day or night if they have an issue, no matter how small, and I will help them. It's always been like that.

Dh has lots of contact with his mother.
MIL actually has regular contact with her three nephews and her two nieces as well. Its in her nature. Her own mother was rather cold, and a bit neglectful and she was determined not to be the same way. (But not overbearing... just genuine offers of help)

The "son until they take a wife" thing mainly happens when the wife and or mother see it as a competition.

My son is 16 and so still lives at home.

But DH sees his parents several times a week (they live round the corner). Some men and some women keep in regular contact with their parents, others don’t.

I'm sure most sons keep in touch – so long as you are a good and loving parent. (You can hardly blame a child for ignoring a parent who was cold or abusive.) In my experience, boys raised in good, loving homes generally drift away for two reasons:

1. They're not very nice people. No matter how well brought up, some people just turn into arseholes. I've seen it. My mother, for example, is lovely, and so is my uncle, but my aunt (their sister) is one of the worst human beings I know. Same parents, same upbringing.

2. They marry a bitch. This happens a lot. I can think of two men, both nice people, who married selfish, manipulative but very pretty women. The women don't want the hassle of in-laws, and so the parents hardly ever see their sons. Because the women are so attractive, they know they have a certain amount of power over their men, and they know that the men know they can easily be replaced. I know it troubles the men themselves, but they're caught. In one case, the woman persuaded the man to move abroad. So not only is he married to a woman who wants nothing to do with her in-laws, but he now lives in a foreign country. Unfortunately, no matter how nice you are to such a daughter-in-law, you'll never win them over.

Dhs brother hasn’t spoken to his mum for 18 years. Dh speaks to her about once a week and we see her about once every couple of months. We keep her at arms length for good reason.

My brothers speak & see our mum & dad regularly & are close, but we’re not the type of family to live in each others pockets.

My adult son and adult daughter are in contact about the same amount.

@Hartley99 number 2 is very sad

Obviously everyone is different, but my boys and my friends boys,, all in their 30' stay in touch with their parents.
I love seeing mine and it would be so sad not to hear from them.

I think that rhyme is a totally rubbish sexist stereotype.

Relationships between children and their parents are far more complex than boy=swaps mother for wife and girl = devoted to mother/retains function as family carer.

Our son is 31 , he phones me most evenings ( Mon - Fri) when he’s driving home from work and we see him fairly often as well . We also do days out and have short breaks occasionally .

Of course. But a lot depends on the relationship you have with their partners