To say no to Fortnite?

[wtafwtaf]

I'm a teacher and have some awareness of various games and what they're like for children. We said no to Roblox but yes to Minecraft. No mobile phone yet and hoping to eek that out. I bloody hate YouTube for various reasons; he's allowed a timed amount occasionally.

He has lots of friends and is very sporty, arty, into stem, also goes to scouts. Plays guitar and enjoys messing about with his guitar on his own. Doing well at school.

11 yr old claims "everyone has Fortnite ." I don't think this is true but apparently a few close friends have now got it. Others got it ages ago. I know it's the sort of thing that lead to them arranging to play and being stuck in a team game. I've read it's really addictive.

Is it terrible to say no? Despite all the activities he does I feel he's on screens too much in the house.

The additional issue is that he's a much younger brother who's looking over his shoulder a lot.

I insisted on minimum age 12 for fortnite. A lot of 10&11yos have it but that doesn't mean you have to agree to it. Never believe your child when they say "everyone" has/does something. Often this actually just means 2 people they know of.

If you do relent then a the groundrule has to be in-place for how long - a fortnite game lasts a maximum of 30 mins and a minimum of 30 seconds - our rule is that there is only one game unless the first game lasts less than 10 minutes in which case they can choose to start a new one. If they start a new one after 10 minutes they have to end it when it's 40 mins since they started playing (they actually quite enjoy the last minute of that where they actually seek out another player to be killed by, on the rare occasions that they last that long)

I said no previously, but gave in during covid as that's how everyone kept in touch. We've never had any issues caused by it.
Apparently it's not cool anymore though, it's all about FIFA now.

My children play too.
Plus I’m also a teacher and have some awareness of games, but it’s honestly not as bad as you think if he has regulated screen time anyway & is doing well in other areas.
OP have you downloaded it to see it for yourself, or are all of your concerns through what you’ve read about it?
If you don’t want him to play it though, it’s your choice.

My 10 year old started playing around age 8 and his younger brother of course got drawn in too..... we did check it out beforehand and spoke to other people whose kids played it (I love gaming myself although had not played that particular game before). I don't personally see it as inappropriate. In fact, many kids I know in their early teens seem to view it as a bit babyish. There is no "gore" and it is very cartoon-like rather than realistic. Kids have been making pretend guns out of sticks and "shooting" each other forever! And as others have said, there is also threat/menace in Minecraft in survival mode......

My boys do also play outside a LOT too and are very fit and sporty which probably makes me feel better about it. As others have said, it is a game they can't easily just instantly "come off".... so I just give mine a decent warning, which seems reasonable with asking them to stop any activity they are embroiled in (e.g. I do the same with Lego or football games out the back of the house). Although quite what my neighbours think of me telling them to "hurry up and die" on Fortnite I have no idea 😆

I haven't noticed any adverse behavioural effects and in fact it has been great for my older boy socially....he used to be VERY shy and refuse to talk on the phone at all, but now takes part in group calls with his friends when they all play together.. for me this has been a massive positive and I have genuinely seen a strengthening of certain friendships and an increase in his social/phone skills as a result. It certainly has its positives!

It's a great game, good way for young people to spend time with their friends. The games are 'live' so, yes, they can't leave whilst that match is going on & they are alive. So a match can last from a couple of minutes to 15/20. The newer you are the shorter the game.

It's free, any money put into it is purely cosmetics & gives no advantage. Skins etc can be earned too. All chat can be turned off so it's only the friends they play with that can hear & communicate (highly recommended).

Yes, most kids WILL have fortnite on some platform or another, MN is not nearly representative of anything at all.

DS got a PS5 15 months ago for Christmas. He was in Yr6 at the time. He mainly plays Fortnite & FIFA.
Yes, I know Fortnite is about killing but it's also a co-operative game and a challenge and I've found it really interesting hearing DS and his mates negotiate who is doing what, hear them chatting about whether to allow a particular person in ("are they really your friend"; "I mean, do you know them in real life"; "tell me some things about them then") and just general catching up. A grandparent of one of the boys in DS's gaming group died over the holidays and it was so sweet to hear them all passing on their condolences. I also like the fact that it's meant DS has kept in touch with a lot of friends from primary school who he might have otherwise lost touch with as they scattered to a number of different secondary schools.

My son is 10 and has it, he plays with his dad's girlfriends children and some friends from school. He has fun on it, and while yes it is on paper quite violent it is also a lot of fun (and not at all graphic)

I have no problem getting him off it either because he has grown up with strong boundaries and knows that when I say it is time to turn it off there will be no argument. I give him a 10/15 minute warning so he isn't in a team game when it time to stop. It really isn't that difficult.

It's also a fabulous bribery tool

DS nearly 11 has recently started playing Fortnite.

I had resisted it for quite a long time after another game - Roblox Bed Wars - had been a real problem. Bed Wars was addictive for him and made him aggressive so we had stopped that about 18 months ago.

We agreed with DS to try fortnite and see what we thought. Any signs of addiction or aggression and we would remove it.

It has been fine. There's no rage playing and he comes off it fairly well - we try to let him finish his game. Obviously we get pushing boundaries a bit but nothing much. He chats to his friends while they play and it doesn't get heated at all. He had his friend round today and they played, taking turns, and his friend showed him how to improve something. Playing Bed Wars this would not have happened!

Another one whose kids played it and were completely fine. No rages or stresses. It is designed to keep kids interested and playing, and I know a few people who said it really brought on bad behaviour in their kids, but I know many more who are totally fine.

Mine are around 14 and 16 now. Fortnite peaks in popularity from age 10/11 to about 12/13. They get really excited about a new season coming out, and what “skins” they have (a lot of these are very daft, my younger one spent most of his time running around looking like a Xmas tree or a banana with shades).

Time limits work differently - you’re playing in a team so it is a bigger deal to just stop when called. We worked with this to teach them planning and control, because games just get more and more like this as they get older, and it’s a good one to learn and practice on as the games are relatively short. So we would say “tea is in 20 mins so make sure you are off by then. If you start a new game and you’re still playing when it’s tea time you’ll just have to die” - so they’d learn to not start a new one with ten mins to go. And if they did make a fuss, it was banned the next day. Simple.

It does cause some bickering because they’re in a team game with a bunch of other 11 year olds. But we wanted them to start at this age because we know all their friends at that age, we know the parents etc so if anything needed managing or there was any fallout we could help. A year or two later when they’re playing with friends from secondary school who you don’t know - it’s a lot harder to learn that stuff for the first time. They got over the bickering within no time. Just learning a new game and how to behave, who to play with and who not to play with.

Basically, they probably won’t be that interested in it by the time they’re a few years older. But they’ll want to play the next thing. More serious looking. Maybe a Star Wars game or something. Frankly I’d rather they did this kind of game for the first time with Fortnite which is for kids and has a lot of fun elements, learned to manage their emotions at the same time as many of their peers. You don’t leave them to it. You watch and help them learn. And ban it for a while if they behave badly.

9yo begged for it, I installed it for his birthday, he played it maybe 5 times and is now back to roblox.

I think my ds wanted to be part of something his classmates talk about, which I totally understand. Like all games it's possible to set limits and boundaries - depends how well your dc copes with these.

I'd much rather my dc was playing sport like yours but he isn't interested so I seize almost every interest semi-social activity I can find!

Seems really arbitrary to ban it.

Do you have a plan for when he will be allowed video games, a phone, snapchat, insta and the rest? Is he aware of what he needs to do, what the rules will be, how old he will need to be? Its fair enough for you to make the rules and stick to your boundaries but as he enters the teen years, the boundaries will loosen on way or the other and ideally in a way that causes the least amount of stress for both of you.

You're the parent. You decide what you think is appropriate for your child. It does not matter one jot if everyone else has it or not. And it doesn't matter if you're terrible for refusing anything. If he's on screens too often, stop this. You're in charge. If you're a teacher, I'm surprised you're even asking this.

All games are hard to get your kids off including Minecraft and fifa

mine had Fortnite at 11 now teens never had any issues with it

One strand I'm seeing here is "it's great to play online with friends" or "it's how they keep in touch". I mean, I might be slightly unusual in my view as my DS has never asked to keep in touch with friends via online gaming but that doesn't seem to me to be really a friendship, even if it is someone they know at school. I am too concerned about the arguments, potential for grooming, and unnatural social interaction that takes place in online communication. It's hard enough for adults to get that right!
So at his age, if he plays a new game, we look into it first, but we don't allow any interaction, even with people he supposedly knows. He has email which he can use to contact known friends, and DD who is 9 has the same, so we can check. Each of them email one good friend plus grandparents.

Mine had fortnite from 9. Never had any issues. I found it was better than Roblox and Youtube. Not addicted, no tantrums just played with school friends.

This is a very good point. DS who is 12 is at a specialist school and doesn't get himself to or from school and we offered him a brick phone aged 10 when we were all at a festival and he didn't want to learn how to use it so we just kept it. He has some video games but none are interactive, and he's not interested in social media except YouTube, where he is allowed YouTube Kids (I don't think you can comment, and we can block channels).

DD is 9 and in mainstream primary. She says her friends have phones but doesn't know if they have WhatsApp, Tiktok etc. She uses email to communicate with a friend from a former school, and she'll have a brick phone when she starts getting the bus to secondary. Smart phone I think in Y9 but we plan to continue using Family Link which limits access (there is some "feature" where 13 year olds get to say whether they want parents to control their account any more but we can pre-empt that by saying "yes" when she's not looking).
She won't be getting any social media unless we have access to her account; luckily she's not that tech savvy but of course friends may be, though DH is pretty good at working out which sites or apps she's used through our Wifi.

My 10 year old plays. His account is locked to “friends only” and we need to know who they are before he adds them. He plays in a public part of the house and he and his friends are cooperative and don’t use bad language. It’s actually quite nice hearing them organising themselves in a team and watching each others backs etc.

We are mindful that if he’s in a game with friends he won’t be able to put it down instantly and we give him notice and let him wait till they get killed. But he knows that he’s not allowed to moan or complain when it’s time for dinner or bed.

There’s nothing inherently bad about fortnight imo so long as normal boundaries about respectful language and attitude are kept.

I feel differently : I allowed ds2, he then moved onto playing fifa football on the x box. It's been good, he's social (it was good during Covid) and he laughs a lot. Thats good enough for me. If they do well at school, do their chores, then they can play.

My sons are 8 and 10 and they play (the 8 yo very recently). It’s a huge social thing for their peer group, I am not worried about the content but it definitely does have an addictive nature. I think fine to say no but bear in mind most of his friends will be playing it.

It's a question of balance. My youngest is older now. He meets up with friends, bikes, plays football, goes to cinema, goes to Thorpe park, goes to nandos. The weather is miserable. Once football season is over for his local team, you can't meet and play with friends in the pouring rain, so x box is next best thing.

It’s actually quite nice hearing them organising themselves in a team and watching each others backs etc.

agree with this. It’s social in a way that wasn’t available to us growing up.

Hold out until secondary if you can. After that he might start to feel excluded as most people do play it…I hate it with a passion (my son is year 7).

It’s incredibly addictive, made worse by the pressure of playing online so friends pressuring you to keep playing.
Other players can see how many points you’ve got (don’t know exact terminology) and it’s clear to see who’s played the most and can be embarrassing for those on a low level.
Although it’s a free game, there are skins that they’ll want. Again, embarrassing if you have the default one.
Just when you think they’re losing interest in it, Fortnite releases a new map (every few months) and it starts all over again…
Just be aware of all these things and set clear boundaries from the start.

Also lots of hanging around in the lobby waiting for friends to join a game

My 13 yo son has had access to Fortnite since about Y5. When he started playing it - it was what all of his mates played too and was super sociable. He's not that fussed about it now but still plays if there's a gang of them online. Now mostly plays FIFA. But will be in a 'party' with lots of friends playing different games. Interestingly it's when they are all online that they actually arrange to go to the park or into town as they're not great at the back and forth of WhatsApp organisation yet!

As PPs have said - it depends on the personality of your kid. Mine is pretty chilled and never got too stressed by it. He was never the best or the worst in the squad - and it really helped with social integration when he moved to secondary school.

He's mentioned GTA and Call of Duty a couple of times - and that's a hard no. Fortnite is fairly innocent really - more like hide and seek than a kill game.