Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exes wife taking children on holiday

59 replies

chuckly777 · 28/04/2024 08:08

Children are 9 and 11. My ex also shares a younger child with his wife. They have been married for 7 years.

My ex has mentioned that the children are going to go away in the holidays with his wife and her family (ex not going). I wasn't asked, just told.

Would you be comfortable with this? Children get on fine with his wife and I believe her family too. It is during his time with them so he's saying it's not really up to me. Aibu?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 28/04/2024 08:09

It 100% depends on what the kids think.

MakingUpTheNumbers · 28/04/2024 08:09

Going on holiday fine

Being just told, not asked etc not fine

Cadela · 28/04/2024 08:10

She will need your written permission to take them out of the country. But it’s up to the kids - do they want to go?

Being told not asked would fuck me off.

Fahdidahlia · 28/04/2024 08:10

Look at it this way -
Kids are all being treated equally.
Kids are being treated as family.
You've been made aware so no secrets.
On his "time".
Great for the kids to get holiday!

Too often step parents are lambasted on here for not involving step kids. Does feel a step parent can never do anything right from posts on here!

Purpleturtle45 · 28/04/2024 08:10

When you read some of the posts on here about step parents actively excluding step children from holidays I think, on the surface of it, it's nice she is taking them away.

Do you have any specific concerns?

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 28/04/2024 08:10

Are they going abroad? Do the children want to go? I assume after 7 years they know her well?
children are of an age where I think it’s ok but depends if they are going to Devon or Mexico!

Anameisaname · 28/04/2024 08:11

Well if it's his way of sorting childcare for the kids then really not necessary for him to ask OP. I think you can reasonably ask what are arrangements if kids get ill and I assume they're holidaying in thr UK not abroad?

Sunshineandrainboos · 28/04/2024 08:11

What do the kids want to do? I would say only their options counts tbh

They’ve been married 7 years and presumably were together before they go married so have been in your dcs lives a long time. It’s not like she’s a stranger to them

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 28/04/2024 08:11

Just saw they have a younger sibling. It’s nice to get time to spend with their sibling on a holiday too.

MidnightPatrol · 28/04/2024 08:12

Sounds fine.

He’s told you about, so you have the opportunity to object if you want.

If the children are happy with it, you trust her, sounds like a fun adventure for them?

Good on her travelling alone with all three children!

WarshipRocinante · 28/04/2024 08:13

If the kids get on with her and want to go, then why not? She is their step mum and their child is your kid’s sibling. What’s wrong with her taking? (I’m saying this as someone in the same position. My ex’s partner takes my kids out to do things and for a weekend away).

BananaLambo · 28/04/2024 08:14

I think that’s lovely. She is treating your children like her own. There are so many posts on here complaining their children are treated differently to the children in the new family, or the step parent not wanting to get involved in the care of the stepkids. This woman has been involved with your kids for almost their whole lives, must love them, and wants to take them on holiday. What are your reservations? Do you think your kids won’t enjoy going on a holiday with their sibling and stepmum?

Needamagicfairy · 28/04/2024 08:15

Do you ask his permission to do things during your time?
If the children are ok with it then I would be

Londonrach1 · 28/04/2024 08:19

Love the fact they treating all the children the same. What do the children think. I see nothing wrong re the holiday. Maybe should have asked not told only mistake. Do you ask permission to take the children away or just tell him.

0verandoveragain · 28/04/2024 08:21

Pick your battles, this doesn't need to be one of them.

ladybirdsanchez · 28/04/2024 08:21

I get that you'd have liked to be asked - I would too. But I'm guessing the situation is something like your ex works FT, therefore his wife cares for your DC while he's at work, she wants to visit her family OS during the school holidays and so it's either she takes them with her, or he has to take time off work/the DC get left with a babysitter/you get asked to have them instead? He's handled it a bit clumsily, but it may be that he thinks this is the best solution and it's his time and they are his DC, so it's not unreasonable.

mammaCh · 28/04/2024 08:57

I don't see the issue?
What are your concerns about this?
Are the kids happy to go?
I think it's great that the step mom wants to take the kids with, shows she see them as part of the family too.

RainStreakedWindows · 28/04/2024 09:00

I can understand it smarting the way it was put to you but I'd be glad that the children were being included. Often stepmums don't so if the kids are happy, I would be too.

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 28/04/2024 09:02

UK holiday I would be okay, abroad absolutely not.

fashionqueen1183 · 28/04/2024 09:02

I guess it depends if you like and trust her. If you do then great. She’s treating them the same as her kids. But if not then you could say well I don’t give permission - if it’s abroad. But that could back fire on you one day.
Why isn’t he going?

Obeseandashamed · 28/04/2024 09:03

Fahdidahlia · 28/04/2024 08:10

Look at it this way -
Kids are all being treated equally.
Kids are being treated as family.
You've been made aware so no secrets.
On his "time".
Great for the kids to get holiday!

Too often step parents are lambasted on here for not involving step kids. Does feel a step parent can never do anything right from posts on here!

This is the most sensible thing I've read in a while!

BestZebbie · 28/04/2024 09:04

They are old enough that she won't be doing day-to-day personal care, and there are two of them. Do they usually spend lots of time together without your ex?

Sirzy · 28/04/2024 09:05

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 28/04/2024 09:02

UK holiday I would be okay, abroad absolutely not.

Why not abroad?

they are with someone who has been their step Mum for the majority of their lives and their sibling.

To me the fact they are all going together shows how hard they are working to try to keep things as fair as possible and give all children the same opportunities.

Riverlee · 28/04/2024 09:07

You separated when they were young and they must have go together soon afterwards, so she has been a significant part of their lives.

As long as you trust she’ll look after them, then there’s no problem.

On another thread. A step mother has been criticised for only buying her child a gift and not stepson, who lives with them half a week. At least this step mum is treating them equally.

She’s not trying to replace you, but include them in this holiday with her family. It’s nice the grandparents/uncles etc want them to go also.

Testina · 28/04/2024 09:08

She’s been their stepmother for 7 years, for 2/3 and 3/4 of their lives. Almost certainly known them longer. She is the mother to their sibling.

Do you not think that after being split from your ex from what - at least 8 years? - it’s time to stop complaining about him?

And complaining to him… if he’s already had to point out that it’s his time and his decision, sounds like you’ve already embarrassed yourself.

Swipe left for the next trending thread