Have I just been dumped before we even began ??

[utsjustnavy]

Chatting to a man for last week. Met twice and got on great. Shared a kiss. Went for dinner earlier . Great evening and great company. Things got steamy. We kissed etc and chatted. He shared his fantasy of another in the bedroom .. a female... in context of conversation..

when I challenged him on this and said well how do you feel about a male , he said no problem as long as he didn't have to be intimate with him etc. yet he had hoped I'd be interested in a female ..
I said I had no interest in that really but especially if he had no interest in doing the same either .

That was that.
We had kisses and fun but nothing heavy .

I text to thank him for a lovely evening and also said that as his fantasies wouldn't t be realised by me , if he wanted to let things go, that was perfectly fine.
He replied saying the pleasure was all his and we' ll keep in touch ( we're both busy for the next few weekends )
I answered with take care and he said .. you too...
have I just been dumped here ???

Honestly, I think his 'let's keep in touch' is really saying I'll keep you on hold for a possible future hook up when he feels like a shag 🤷‍♀️

So basically he was angling for a three some from practically the get go.

good riddance!

OP, I did online dating a few years ago (now been happily together with someone for 2.5 years). I met some creeps in my time - one was in dom/sub stuff. I was ruthless I would sometimes get up from my dates and leave and explain why. Many were so persistent that they would try to make me change my mind (then I would block and delete). This creep is telling you that you're a sex object and you're not enough - please forget him and keep your dignity

@heartbroken40 I couldn't agree more and thanks.
I just wonder if my wording is all wrong. Now I'm not blaming myself here for misreading the signs of him being dissatisfied with just one partner etc because he presents as exceptionally engaging, kind, funny , respectable etc but when I expressed my wants originally.. ie light, uncomplicated , exclusive , regular etc( due to single parenting , work, commitment ) , he was all on for this and agreed wholeheartedly that this is what he also wanted .
Did I miscommunicate here?

I would say he didn't give a damn about your wants, more likely.

This all seems to have moved very quickly given you want a “light” relationship. It got sordid straight off the bat it seems. Yuck.

No, he sounds gross and desperate for (crap) sex. Loads of men online like it. They claim otherwise- they want relationships of whatever form but really it's just sex. The conversation wouldn't have turned to his boring kinks so early otherwise. Seedy. Move on. Common or garden sleaze.

How on earth would anyone on here know?
Ask him if you want to know the answer 🙄

I posted for your opinions@CosmosQueen . Is there really a need to be so rude ???

Second date and already he'd discussing having someone else in the bedroom with you?

Yeah, big ick.

I'd be ending it there.

The comments you haven't even had sex before it was mentioned. For me glad I didn't because I wouldn't sleep with someone who wanted these other fantasies. Either way that convo would have ended it for me

I would absolutely take this that he is wanting a woman for a threesome and you said no so his search continues.

No one is saying they fantasise about threesomes after 2 dates and wanting a serious relationship.

He was telling you what you wanted to hear to get to a point where he felt comfortable saying what he actually wanted.

If you wanted a specific response, you should have asked a specific question.

No one on MN is going to be able to read his mind. If you want to have unconventional relationships, you need to have excellent communication skills or you'll never know what's going on.

This ^^
If I'd got the message from you, which you sent to him, I would have thought you were dumping me TBH. He said what he wanted , you said not for you!

That's called dodging a bullet, not being dumped OP.

He sounds like a creepy man who thinks single mums are easy or desperate. I really wish single mums got less criticism or if that isn't possible for hard of thinking people, that single dads also got the same grief.

You weren't "dumped" - you let him know clearly and assertively that you were not the woman he was looking for and that you were ok with ending it. If anything, you dumped him (in a very nice and gentle way). There was no way the relationship was going to continue after that conversation.

Or were you expecting that he'd give up his fantasies and hopes to find someone with whom to act upon them?

I think you dumped him from the wording of your message. But it was tacky of him to bring up a threesome at this early stage especially as you stipulated wanting something ' exclusive'.

It gets even worse rereading the OP. This sleazy creep wanted her to be up for sex with another woman. He's pimp material.

I agree with all posters . Tacky and gross. I suspect that because I used words like light/ regular and uncomplicated , he took this to mean a Fuckbuddy . He ignored the exclusive bit.
I also said in context that there was no room for anyone else in any bedroom of mine either physically or mentally and his mood definitely changed.

Dodged a bullet is right.
What a disappointment .
Worryingly, thinking back on our exchanges, I didn't see where he was going with it , even though the subtle signs were there .
I am glad I shot it down immediately though . My boundaries had been skewed for a long time .

He sounds like a pervert. I wouldn't have been thanking him for anything!

Seems pretty clear to me

Yes you have, sorry

Did you read the whole thread @Nanny0gg ?

I think this too. You gave him an out, and he took it. Thank goodness! To mention threesomes so early sounds a red flag to me..