Say something or let it pass?

[BushbabyPoo]

Twice a week I collect dgs5 from school and give him his dinner. This week DiL has been away so it's been 4 times.
When I took him home this evening she said, to DS not me, that dgs hadn't done his homework and that she was annoyed that the people they have doing childcare don't take parenting as seriously as they do. I just said goodbye and left. DS said nothing.
Am I being pathetic to be annoyed?
My impulse when I got home was to send them a message that if they were not happy with what I do I'd bow out and leave them to make other arrangements.
For context, I am 70, and work 2 days a week, and had to leave early this week.

How bloody rude and ungrateful of them!!!!

I have primary age kids and would be happy with any help like this so, I'd tell them I'll bow out and they can find "childcare" they are happy with.

Dil is being rude !

As a fellow nearly 70 yr old grandmother, I'd probably do my best to let it go, but I totally get why you're upset.
I'm sure you're doing an amazing grandparenting job.

I would be extremely annoyed you are definitely not being pathetic! How rude of her.

I would have said that as you're not the parent it's not your responsibility to make sure he does his homework.

YANBU.
DiL was rude and is expecting too much. DS should have spoken up against DiL for you.

How absolutely rude!!

Is DIL often like this? My DH would be mortified if I spoke to his mother like that.

She sounds bloody delightful.

If you say something will it ruin the relationship?
Honestly the shit us Gran's have to put up with sometimes.

As a grandparent myself who does regular childcare, I would be fucking furious. Not least with the lily-livered son who stood by and said nothing.

Divorce your DiL, what a stupid woman

Tell your son, take decisive action and tell your DS, his wife needs to apologise fully

Incredibly stupid and ungrateful woman

They always say they are grateful for my help, so it came out of the blue, and I think we get on well. We've certainly not had any difficulties before. So I'm not sure whether to let it lie and carry on as usual or risk rocking the boat.
I may say something to DS, but I know he will gloss over it, and say she didn't mean it. He will always stand up for her, as he should.

Is it only you that does childcare for them, so it was directed at you?!

What a twat she is.

I'd have said "some of us took parenting so seriously that we didn't have anyone else doing favours for them. We picked our own kids up from school"

NO - you dont have "to put up with it" - Tell your children that is married to them and refuse to help out until a full apology, a sincere one is given

Taking the p like this, it will only get worse if nothing is said

Best way is to have a word with your child to tell off the DiL

Was there homework that should have been done that wasn't? If you don't know what is expected you need to find out, so you can make sure things are done. Not your fault they should tell you.

And then your Grandchild is "witheld" from you as a punishment.

This is very rude of your dil, especially that she said it to ds in front of you like you weren't there.

My parents helped with pick ups when my kids were young and I would never have expected them to do homework. That was for me to do later when the kids were home or on a day they didn't pick them up.

I think you should message your ds and just ask if, in light of the dil's comments this evening would they rather use alternative childcare if they are not happy. Say that you are happy to continue but make it clear you won't be doing homework and maybe specify the amount of days you will do and any extra they will need to make alternate arrangements

Must be hard as I'm guessing you like spending time your grandchild but equally you need some respect for doing it

Perhaps send a text saying something like...you said earlier about wanting X to do his homework. Did you mean you want me to make sure he does it? I'm mean only if you're willing! If you don't want to (and I get why it would be tiring) don't say anything. You're amazing helping out- and they know it. Don't feel upset. If you haven't had issues before it's probably a silly outburst. Maybe a bad day

I doubt it as I clearly said the OP should speak to their child to relay the message re seeking an apology

I cant imagine the GP's child holding back their child from dear GP's

Their DD goes to a childminder, who they seem to like. They have no one else, so it's usually me, with DH at weekends.
To be fair I have been asked a couple of times over the last two years to help him with his homework, but to be honest it never occurred to me.
Being bitchy, they care so much about parenting that their son can't yet use a knife and fork, and every meal time with me I try, with only short term success, to teach him.

NEVER text in scenarios like as at the best of times they can be misunderstood or maliciously misinterpreted

You'd be surprised what happens in real life.

She's a rude cow. You still want to see your grandchild so have to be cute about it. Pretend to be concerned.

Dear Son, is DIL ok? She seemed very stressed and bothered this afternoon about the homework. I know I'm doing you a favour by looking after him but perhaps I shouldn't mind him anymore if it's going to upset her so much. Are you sure she wants me to?"

Yep. This.

Not really as I've seen most of it via work, ie meeting a few thousand clients over the years and some I did several visits to. They open up at times about life, stuff and at times you could not make it up -all v sad