Opinions before I overreact about this - dangerous / wasting money.

[Torturedheart2]

My DP has a constant habit of falling asleep on the sofa half of the night while I go to bed early. There's now been numerous occasions I've gotten up in the morning or middle of the night and he is fast asleep with a fan heater blasting. This morning is the straw that broke the camels back. I leave for work early and just had an urge to check nothing was left on as he had only came to bed half an hour before I got up. I went into the lounge and there was a storage heater left one and had clearly been on all night as the room was sweltering hot. He'd also left a bottle of red wine on it to heat up which he hadn't even opened.

I am feeling really pissed and was ready to march upstairs and wake him but stopped myself. 1) I feel it is so dangerous to leave an electrical storage heater unattended (especially with a glass bottle on it) 2) he is wasting money and it's half my money that will be paying for this ridiculous waste.

I know I am probably overreacting so I am here asking how to bring this up properly and am I blowing it out of proportion? As I say, this is not the first time he's done something similar but going to bed and leaving it on and the wine bottle is a bigger issue as I think it would have been on all day had I not went to check. Feel like I'm living with a teenager.

I’d be absolutely furious. I would have woken him up, told him why I was furious then gone to work.

Aside from actually discussing it with him, does it have a timer you could set on? Or could you treat him like a child and tell him from now on when you go to bed the heater is switched off or taken up to bed with you?

Does he not work? Why would it be on all day?

he doesn't care so he wont stop doing it. Why doesnt he come to bed with you?

Where I live someone has just died in a house fire. Some unspecified fabric was in contact with a heater and caught fire, no more details than that, but it can happen so easily, it was very sad. The house was wrecked.
I don’t think you’re over reacting, it would really piss me off.

Sorry, I realise you've not discussed it yet, I didn't read your op properly and thought discussions had been had.

He does work but he wouldn't go into that room to check before he left for work if that makes sense. Says I go to bed early and always been a night owl so struggles to sleep.

I totally agree with you but I also suspect that if you've mentioned this to him several times and he continues to do it, you'll be falling out about it many more times.

If be curious at the rate of money, and the danger. I'd probably throw the fan heater out if he couldn't be trusted with it.

Treat him like a kid, print off a visual timetable of what he needs to do before he leaves the house and stick it on the back of the front door. Every time he gets it right give him a gold sticker, 10 stars in a row = crunchie bar.

He'll soon start to think for himself once he realises you're treating him like an infant school kid.

Stupid idiot!

Honestly consequences like a child. Is there something else he likes doing., football, sky movies whatever. If you find it left on ever again that thing gets cancelled.

I know you shouldn't have to treat him like a child but he's acting like one. (Also don't heat up red wine it ruins it)

Honestly feel so annoyed that I think I'll just go off when I speak to him!

Can you disable the heater somehow?

with a fan heater blasting. This morning is the straw that broke the camels back. I leave for work early and just had an urge to check nothing was left on as he had only came to bed half an hour before I got up. I went into the lounge and there was a storage heater left one

Not at all wanting to be pedantic, but first you said fan heater but then you said storage heater, so has to be one or the other. A storage heater works by being on all night and is at it's hottest first thing in the morning.

I don't actually know if the bottle left on top of the heater is dangerous or not, but on the balance of probability I would be furious too!

All sounds a bit slobby

why does he sleep on the sofa?

@35mph we have 2 different heaters so one is a small fan heater he often uses and the other an electrical storage heater that looks like a radiator. We also have heating but he uses this to heat the lounge up sometimes rather than turning on the full heating system.

@hamstersarse not intentional he just stays up too late and inevitably falls asleep there

Buy an inexpensive timer and set it to switch off at a reasonable hour. Here's one for under a tenner.
"Masterplug TMS24 Mechanical Plug-In & Plug-Through Timer - Screwfix" https://www.screwfix.com/p/masterplug-tms24-mechanical-plug-in-plug-through-timer/25518

The answer to your problem is a timer. I fall asleep on the sofa too easily so set the tv on timer if I'm home alone. A timer for the heater so it turns off at midnight or whenever. Storage heaters usually are on timer anyway.

My ultimate solution to the heater dilemma is a throw to keep him warm and not to put the fan heater on at all.

I’d lock the fan heater away and buy a blanket to keep in the room .

I would get rid of the fan heater and buy an oil filled plug in radiator with a time/thermostat on it. That’s the dangerous element dealt with.

https://www.screwfix.com/p/freestanding-7-fin-oil-filled-radiator-with-timer-1500w/714PG?kpid=714PG&cm_mmc=Google--Datafeed--Heating%20and%20Plumbing?kpid=KINASEKPID&cm_mmc=Google--TOKEN1--TOKEN2&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw26KxBhBDEiwAu6KXt4UUXL9Y8nh6C8W8tB2BeZElLwbaXXM7WDzWkJUBBxDClf_loZGNJBoC1_4QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Try an electric throw - cheaper to run. I leave mine on the one hour setting so I don't leave it heating unnecessarily, if I still need it after an hour I put it on for another hour.

Tell him if he does it again then the heaters are going in the bin.

If you want to talk to him but are worried about going off on one, how about writing these issues down first? Just simple bullet points, what happens, why it’s a problem etc. Ask him for solutions, make him do that bit so he takes ownership. Otherwise you will end up coming over like his Mum and that won’t help your relationship.

I'd be concerned at why he's so tired early in evening. Is he overweight? Doesn't sound too healthy to be doing this every night.
Get rid of fan heater and adjust setting on storage heater.