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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opinions before I overreact about this - dangerous / wasting money.

95 replies

Torturedheart2 · 25/04/2024 06:39

My DP has a constant habit of falling asleep on the sofa half of the night while I go to bed early. There's now been numerous occasions I've gotten up in the morning or middle of the night and he is fast asleep with a fan heater blasting. This morning is the straw that broke the camels back. I leave for work early and just had an urge to check nothing was left on as he had only came to bed half an hour before I got up. I went into the lounge and there was a storage heater left one and had clearly been on all night as the room was sweltering hot. He'd also left a bottle of red wine on it to heat up which he hadn't even opened.

I am feeling really pissed and was ready to march upstairs and wake him but stopped myself. 1) I feel it is so dangerous to leave an electrical storage heater unattended (especially with a glass bottle on it) 2) he is wasting money and it's half my money that will be paying for this ridiculous waste.

I know I am probably overreacting so I am here asking how to bring this up properly and am I blowing it out of proportion? As I say, this is not the first time he's done something similar but going to bed and leaving it on and the wine bottle is a bigger issue as I think it would have been on all day had I not went to check. Feel like I'm living with a teenager.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 25/04/2024 08:01

Is he drinking himself into a stupor on the couch?

Tryingtokeepratswarm · 25/04/2024 08:07

True story - I burnt my mum's house down with a fan heater. I had it on in my bedroom (which was extremely messy) because I was worried that my friends rat - who I was looking after over the summer holidays - was cold.

I'd throw that fan heater out if I were you.

ohtowinthelottery · 25/04/2024 08:11

Get a timer switch to plug it into so it switches off at a reasonable time. If he's fallen asleep he may wake up earlier as he's cold and then go to bed at a more decent time - but at least he won't be a fire risk and your electricity bill will reduce!

QuickFetchTheCoffee · 25/04/2024 08:14

If you've mentioned it before and tried to have reasonable discussion, I would figure out the cost of running the heaters all night (there are online calculators you just need to know what rates you are on) and bill him for it so you don't have to cover the cost.

Rocknrollstar · 25/04/2024 08:20

I accidentally left an electric heater on over night in the lounge. The house was beautifully warm the next morning but, thankfully, no one noticed. Just saying.

chunkyfunkier · 25/04/2024 08:23

Get a fan heater with a timer?

BuddingPeonies · 25/04/2024 08:27

The storage heater is supposed to be on all night - heating up on cheap overnight electricity.

The fan heater, however, needs dealing with. Personally, I'd get rid. An oil filled radiator - with thermostat and timer would be my preference. Or just a blanket (not a heated one, as he'll leave that on too).

GogAndMagog · 25/04/2024 08:31

Take the fuse out of the heater, it's April.

I'd be fuming too, my kids did this with bathroom heater. I removed it. But they are kids....

BubblegumBlue24 · 25/04/2024 08:43

Fan heaters are so expensive and can be dangerous. If he isn’t going to start going to bed when he’s tired in the short term as someone else mentioned I would also buy a heated throw you can some get nice faux fur ones, some only cost 1p an hour to run and they have timers on and they have quite long plugs and are washable.

And throw away the fan heater so he can’t use it or put it in the loft/garage!

BuddingPeonies · 25/04/2024 09:09

GogAndMagog · 25/04/2024 08:31

Take the fuse out of the heater, it's April.

I'd be fuming too, my kids did this with bathroom heater. I removed it. But they are kids....

It may be April, but it is SNOWING here today.
My thermostat is definitely still calling for heat in the mornings - and we typically have the house at 18, so not baking.

kitchenhelprequired · 25/04/2024 09:19

I'm not sure you mean a storage heater. That would be part of the main system and perfectly safe to leave on - it's just releasing the heat it's stored previously. If you mean a plug in oil filled radiator, as long as it's electrically sound and not running off an extension cable that is also fine to leave on. A fan heater however is dangerous to leave unattended. Obviously from a financial or environmental standpoint leaving an appliance using electricity when it's not needed is not good but safety is a separate issue.

PaminaMozart · 25/04/2024 09:21

Why is drinking himself to sleep every night? If he does, he is an alcoholic. You can try all kinds of strategies to control the heating, but unless he tackles his alcohol abuse, things will only get worse.

His health will deteriorate over time, ultimately leading to chronic and debilitating illnesses, your relationship will become unsustainable, it will affect your children if you have any, and you'll end up despising him. It's quite likely that eventually you'll get fed up and leave.

Better to tackle this now, while there may be hope of him getting out of this harmful pattern.

INeedAnotherName · 25/04/2024 09:21

Go ahead and over react. Not only is he willing to burn the house down but he's happy enough to set fire to you in your sleep. Possibly even kill his neighbours in the process. It is that dangerous.

Throw out the fan heater as he can't be trusted with it and get what the others have suggested, but make sure it has an automatic timer. The blanket sounds the best idea as it will retain the heat around him more than a whole room.

Depending on his reaction regarding trying to kill you with it (and I'm sure the fire brigade will back you on that), it might be worth you seriously thinking of leaving. It's the equivalent of leaving the cooker on, or a lit cigarette, every night. No relationship is worth dying for.

WarshipRocinante · 25/04/2024 09:22

Why are you using electric heaters? It’s the most expensive way to heat a room? It also isn’t even that cold no. If he unwell/disabled? Is there a reason he needs so much heat around him and chooses the most expensive option?

Samlewis96 · 25/04/2024 09:22

PTSDBarbiegirl · 25/04/2024 07:54

I'd be concerned at why he's so tired early in evening. Is he overweight? Doesn't sound too healthy to be doing this every night.
Get rid of fan heater and adjust setting on storage heater.

Where does it say he is tired so early? The OP takes herself off to bed and he stays up

Original poster
Torturedheart2 · 25/04/2024 09:26

Yes he is not falling asleep early rather staying up late and falling asleep at 2/3am. He is not overweight and also he didn't open the wine so hadn't had a drink for those concerned about alcoholism. He is just being a bit of an idiot and I wasn't sure if I was overreacting

OP posts:
WingsofRain · 25/04/2024 09:29

My partner does the same but worse. He goes to sleep with his legs over a panel heater and has woken up with burns, but he still does it despite me pointing out he might set the place on fire.
I can’t count the number of times it’s happened and he just refuses to listen. He also runs a heater in his room piled up with clothes.

If I put a timer on either heater he would just override it so it’s not really a solution.

When neither the waste of money nor the danger makes any difference I really don’t know what to suggest.

ForestForever · 25/04/2024 09:39

I would either get a timer plug for the electric heater or as pp have suggested an electric throw probably sounds like the better option. They cost pence to run and are really warm and often have an overheat cut off and a timer. Much safer than a fan heater. I would not be paying more than reasonable use towards the electricity bill in this case ie just pay what would be your “usual” half of the electric bill minus the cost of his over usage and he can pay the rest. Electric storage heaters work by taking electric during off peak hours to charge usually for 7 hours between the hours of 12am-8am. This is usually on an economy 7 system from a separate electric circuit within your home which is typically cheaper than your normal rate. If you have storage heaters and are not on an economy 7 tariff then it’s worth looking into this with your electricity provider as it could save you an awful lot of money. Waffle aside, the storage heaters are meant to be warm in the morning so he’s not done anything wrong there but the fan heater is a serious problem.

WaitingForMojo · 25/04/2024 09:43

Does he have an alcohol problem? Falling asleep in the chair then leaving everything on… the wine made me wonder.

WaitingForMojo · 25/04/2024 09:45

Sorry, missed that you’ve said he doesn’t. He hadn’t already had wine then started warming more and fallen asleep?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/04/2024 09:47

Not the point but can anyone explain heating up red wine?
I have it ar room temperature am.i doing something wrong?

P.s yanbu op

Crispsandcola · 25/04/2024 09:50

You said your DP has difficulty falling asleep and he had a bottle of wine out to drink mid week (I understand that he didn't open it on this occasion). Does your DP drink alcohol every night, possibly to help him sleep? It's concerning that your DP goes to sleep/bed without thinking about the implications of leaving the heater on. Is he generally 'bad with money'?

GoawaySunrise · 25/04/2024 10:09

A glass bottle of alcohol left on a heater while everyone's asleep? Yes I'd be quite upset.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 25/04/2024 10:21

Ridiculousness
He's not uncaring about you. He's doesn't need treating like a child. He's not an alcoholic...

Get rid of the fan heater and get a timer for anything else.

Don't start "billing" him for what he uses least he starts doing the same to you. "You don't need to use the hairdryer, you're using my electricity so I'm going to knock Xp off my bill for the heater"

springsprungx · 25/04/2024 11:02

what time does he go/start work? what time he finishes work? wfh?

it what the poster meant when they asked if he didn't work!
@Orophile