Annoyed DH gets his mum to give the kids their bath

[LuceBellPip]

DH and I have 3 kids,4 year old and twin two year olds. On Wednesday we have dinner at his parents house, it's a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and gives us a night off from cooking.
For our kids we bathe them daily, it helps them know it's bedtime and they are just mucky pups so it's needed.
On a Wednesday after dinner from 6-7 I go to ladies night at the tennis club, this is new just started in the last 2 months. His parents live next door to the club so I leave at 5.55 and I'm back for 7.05. I asked him to use that time to take the kids home, bathe them and have them ready for me coming home. Bedtime for the twins is about 7.30 and it's 7.45 for older DD. All 3 kids are still breastfed to sleep, really trying to work on this with DD but it brings her comfort.
Usually it goes I bathe the twins while DH reads with DD (she's just starting to learn), I bathe DD while DH reads the twins a story, I feed the twins while DH reads DD a story and then I feed DD. This works relatively well. Whole process starts just after 6.30. So DH never actually does bath time!

Now the first 2 Wednesdays I went to tennis, he did take them home while I was at tennis, I got home for 7.10, fed the twins, fed DD - everyone was happy! Since then DH has got his mum to bathe all the kids at hers then waits until I'm done at tennis to take the kids home with me.
Naturally I would be ok with this, but DH finishes work, parks the car at ours and walks down to his parents (5 minutes) so he can have a drink with dinner. This means we have to walk the kids back, with wet hair. All the relaxing effects of bath time are lost, we don't get in until 7.15 and they are all hyped up. It makes feeding them more difficult and is just a major pain. Tonight DD wasn't down until 8.15 and one twin has only just fallen asleep now at almost 9!! They usually do so well with bedtime!!
Ive asked DH why he can't just bathe them himself at home and he says oh his mum likes doing it and it makes her feel involved.
I know really that he just doesn't like doing it, the first half of bath time can be chaotic!! Water everywhere etc.
He doesn't see the issue, but I feel like I've lost an hour having to settle the kids tonight, I had things to get done!

AIBU to think it's just laziness and not understand why he can't just take them home?

The Wed night wouldn't bother me so much as the fact that you do baths every night while he reads stories. He has the better deal every single night! Can't you swap sometimes?

But anyway, YANBU and he needs to be the one settling them if he's got them out of routine.

Tell him to please ask his mother to come to your home if she'd like to still bathe them for bedtime. The idiot.

I would suggest that you alternate who bathes the children/reads stories if he isn't willing to bathe them x1 night a week. He has a good deal and he needs to pull his socks up and get some perspective.

If he doesn't budge, then stick to your word and skip baths on the night you're at the tennis club. They really can survive one night without a bath - and I say that as someone that bathes their 3YO every night.

I think it’s nice for the kids and the grandmother to have this time together. My mum always used to bath my kids at hers on Wednesdays when they were small - good times. Also, the break from routine might actually help you to break away from breastfeeding your older child (as you say you want to do this). Routines are brilliant up to a point but If you always stick to doing exactly the same thing every day it will make it harder to change things/stop breastfeeding.

Your MIL should walk the 5 mins to your place and help bathe the DC there.

This.

I think it is nice they have a bath at grandmas too. Good memories for them and bonding time.
Maybe you can ask if she will dry their hair or you dry their hair before you leave her home.

I absolutely don't begrudge grandma doing baths and she's more than welcome to pop up any night and chip in (heck she can come every night if she likes!), it's more the routine being off. While I agree a break from routine isn't the end of the world and on Friday/Saturday/while on holiday we do switch it up, I'm just not sure losing an hour+ of sleep is right. The kids will all still need to be up normal time tomorrow and im expecting some grumpiness.

As for DD and breastfeeding, I'm a big softy and have "pick your battles approach" and well that's a battle I'm procrastinating!

Yup, lazy and pointless. He should go home to bathe the kids but take his mum with him 😆

Does him mum not own a hair dryer?

Do you/can you not drive them home?

None of them should be being fed to sleep at their ages so maybe this is a good time to get them out of it

@HaventGotAScoob

I can't drive.

They could probably dry DDs hair but the twins will not let that happen, they are both scared of the hair dryer/hoover/noisy fans.

Why do you say this, I'm genuinely curious as to what the issue is?

I’m not saying stop breastfeeding, but don’t feed them to sleep. I still feed my 2 year old at bedtime, but not til she falls asleep, I feed her as we read a story then I put her into her bed and sje falls asleep by herself. This means anyone else can put her to bed. She knows when I’m in, she can have milk, but if I’m out then she is capable of going to sleep.

I often see breastfeeding used as an excuse why dads aren’t involved in bedtime. If I was you, I’d take my time after tennis… maybe go the long way home, or stay to chat to your friends. Tell DH to out them to bed himself on Tennis night.

Ah sorry maybe I wasn't clear, none of them are actually breastfed to sleep, it's just the last thing they do before they sleep, then I get up and leave the room and let them fall asleep on their own but it usually does make them sleepy, unless they are super sleepy they never actually fall asleep while feeding anymore.

There's nothing wrong with feeding to sleep if it's working for mother and child. The bedtime feed is often the last to go and if you have a tried and tested method of putting your child to sleep, why wouldn't you use it?

That said, if you do want to wean this is a good place to start www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/blog/weaning-toddler-bob-and-pre-schooler-billie-how-do-you-stop-breastfeeding-an-older-child

I would ask Grandma to go bathe them at your house on a Wednesday from now on.

You need to work on that -exposure therapy! They have to get used to these noisy things they're all around us.

Can't the kids miss a bathtime on Wednesdays seeing as this is a day different to their usual routine anyway or have a bath a Grandma's then go home snuggled in the pushchair so they're sleepy when they get home?

It's only 1night out of 7 - is it really such a big deal?

Why not?

I wouldn't mind if they were still asleep for their normal time.
But the bath, story, feed, sleep routine is pretty key. If this could happen and then we get home, feed them and go to sleep it would be fine.

As they live so close, why not change it so that Grandma comes around to do the bath instead? That way she'll get the nice, cosy Grandma bit, they get the nice, cosy Grandma giving them a bath followed by the nice, relaxed and cosy nighttime routine?

But the routine is off by you not being there in the first place surely?

can they not have the bath without hair wash one night?

@Sirzy

Like I said on the nights DH did take them home and bathe them, everything went off normally. I was home in time to do the feeds which is the only parts I'm pivotal for!