Annoyed DH gets his mum to give the kids their bath

[LuceBellPip]

DH and I have 3 kids,4 year old and twin two year olds. On Wednesday we have dinner at his parents house, it's a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and gives us a night off from cooking.
For our kids we bathe them daily, it helps them know it's bedtime and they are just mucky pups so it's needed.
On a Wednesday after dinner from 6-7 I go to ladies night at the tennis club, this is new just started in the last 2 months. His parents live next door to the club so I leave at 5.55 and I'm back for 7.05. I asked him to use that time to take the kids home, bathe them and have them ready for me coming home. Bedtime for the twins is about 7.30 and it's 7.45 for older DD. All 3 kids are still breastfed to sleep, really trying to work on this with DD but it brings her comfort.
Usually it goes I bathe the twins while DH reads with DD (she's just starting to learn), I bathe DD while DH reads the twins a story, I feed the twins while DH reads DD a story and then I feed DD. This works relatively well. Whole process starts just after 6.30. So DH never actually does bath time!

Now the first 2 Wednesdays I went to tennis, he did take them home while I was at tennis, I got home for 7.10, fed the twins, fed DD - everyone was happy! Since then DH has got his mum to bathe all the kids at hers then waits until I'm done at tennis to take the kids home with me.
Naturally I would be ok with this, but DH finishes work, parks the car at ours and walks down to his parents (5 minutes) so he can have a drink with dinner. This means we have to walk the kids back, with wet hair. All the relaxing effects of bath time are lost, we don't get in until 7.15 and they are all hyped up. It makes feeding them more difficult and is just a major pain. Tonight DD wasn't down until 8.15 and one twin has only just fallen asleep now at almost 9!! They usually do so well with bedtime!!
Ive asked DH why he can't just bathe them himself at home and he says oh his mum likes doing it and it makes her feel involved.
I know really that he just doesn't like doing it, the first half of bath time can be chaotic!! Water everywhere etc.
He doesn't see the issue, but I feel like I've lost an hour having to settle the kids tonight, I had things to get done!

AIBU to think it's just laziness and not understand why he can't just take them home?

Firstly we'll done to you for feeding 3 kids at once! DS recently turned 5 and weaned himself, so I understand your approach.

I would be frustrated too with bedtime being late and probably ask DH what option would be best. It seems like he could:

• Not drink and drive home
• Bathe them a bit earlier and leave earlier so they can have stories etc at home to calm down again
• Ask his mum to come to yours
• Take the twins home and leave your DD to have some 1:1 time with granny bathing her and you collect her
• Suck up the manic-ness and he can take charge of settling them later

Get granny to come to yours

Why?!

This would annoy me if the disruption to the routine extended bedtime by over an hour once a week. Plus in winter/cold nights it’s not ideal to walk home with wet hair.

Grandma wants to do bathtime/husband doesn’t want to do it alone. So the solution must be after you leave, they walk to your house and do bathtime there starting at 6.30. Grandma walks home and you come home to 3 bathed kids ready for bed.

Then you get an hour back in your life to go to sleep have a glass of wine and a rest.

Ignore them. There's no biological reason why you should not be feeding to sleep. I fed both of mine to sleep until they weaned at 6 years old!!

Seems like your needs are the most important in what you have posted.

What about everyone else's needs?
You need the bedtime routine
You need the Wednesday night tennis

What does your children and husband need?

Your one hour of the week to yourself is negated because your husband is too lazy to do bedtime himself and keep the routine going.

I’d be so pissed off, it’s one bloody evening that he’s responsible to get the baths done. It’s not a big ask to assume he’d just be a responsible and supportive spouse and let you have that one hour. The thought of the shit show ahead with a disrupted bedtime would put me off going.

Well the children need routine and my husband goes to the gym 2 nights a week so it's hardly selfishness. The kids thrive on routine and DH gets the easy the deal most nights!

I have fond memories of baths at my Nanas house when I was little

This^
walking after bath with wet hair is stimulating rather then relaxing.

And if your DH doesn’t see a problem in this he has to look at the mirror.

Are you brushing their teeth at night after feeding?
Breastfeeding a child with teeth at night is a risk factor for early childhood caries (tooth decay). www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8067957/

This. Such an obvious solution.

Seems like your needs are the most important in what you have posted.

This seems spectacularly unfair to a mum who is breastfeeding THREE children every night. I had a year overlap of feeding my two at night (DS dropped his final bedtime feed just before turning 4) and it was lovely but HARD. It is truly a labour of love, and entirely centered around the DC's needs.

I don't think 1 night of tennis a week is exactly a selfish demand on OP's part 🙄

OP, YANBU to not want the punishment task of calming down your hyped-up kids for an extra hour when you get in from tennis. Your DH and his mum need to figure out how to meet the DC's need for a reasonable bedtime and decent night of sleep!

I have 3 AC. The things they look back on with joy are those times that were a bit off the beaten track - bathing at grandma's and going home all snuggled up would have qualified as a bit of a lark. We used to take them all over the place with us; they used to dunk in baths with friends' children and go home in their jamas - they lapped it all up. Routines are all very well as far as they go - but deviations from the norm are much more fun!

Granny needs to come and do bath time at yours. Sorted.

There is zero connection between breastfeeding, even night feeding, and dental decay. Lots of research done on it and yet many healthcare professionals still believe that myth.

The breastfeeding police are here. Hurrah.

@ontheflighttosingapore I breastfeed my 2.5 year old to sleep still; may I ask why I shouldn't be doing this?

Shush now.

Just skip bath night on Wednesdays

I'm not sure how this helps with the being unsettled?
The baths are part of what helps them settle, along with stories, feeding etc.
Cutting them all together doesn't solve the problem anymore than having them at the in-laws does.

I've suggested his mum comes to ours and he's said "maybe I'll ask her".

I’d ask him straight out is he trying to make Wednesday nights so hideous for you that you give up the tennis. Because ultimately, if your two hours off result in a hellish evening then horrible Thursday, you’ll end up quitting the tennis.

Is he making it such hard work for you so you’ll inevitably just give it up and then he doesn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting regarding the routine?

surely you can just tell him that it doesn’t work and it has a knock on effect for everyone and either his mum comes to do baths at your house or they all stay home and god forbid he does what you manage to do each and every night?

I wouldn't stress about this. Either accept it or say no bath on that day. Don't let anyone tell you when to stop breastfeeding obvs!