Is he trying to violate a scheduling boundary, or am I being over-sensitive?

[SallyMcCarthy]

Okay, so: I used to run a course at a university. When I left a year ago, the head of department asked if I'd do them a massive favour and agree to do one 1-hour supervision with each student on my course in their second year. This would mean doing paid hourly work after I'd left my position. I agreed, thinking this was the right thing to do because when the students started the course, they'd each been promised a 1-2-1 session with me in their final (2nd) year.

So, these sessions were arranged. I turned up (on Zoom) to do one for a student - let's call her Maureen - the other day, and she didn't turn up. I waited 15 minutes, then closed down the Zoom and emailed her saying, 'You didn't turn up - hope all is well etc.' She emailed and said 'Sorry, completely forgot, can we rearrange?' I said, 'Really sorry, but no. I'm completely over-scheduled and overcommitted and there's no more space in my diary between now and the end of your Year 2.'

The next day, the new Course Director wrote and said, 'Maureen's very sorry, she forgot and is there any chance you can squeeze her in? If you can't, another student is willing to give her their slot with you.' I didn't really notice the second part of this because I was reading v quickly, and I sent a quick reply saying, 'Really sorry, no - I'm snowed under.'

Then this morning I get an email from another student on this course - let's call him Dave - saying 'I am writing to cancel my forthcoming supervision with you.' When I read this, I remembered that the new course director had said that 'Another student is willing to let Maureen have his slot.'

Okay, so that's all background. Here's my question: am I being unreasonable to think that if Dave wants to cancel, that's his choice, but once he cancels, it's not up to him to say that he's 'giving' what would have been his hour with me to Maureen? My view is: once he cancels, and takes himself out of my diary, then I have that hour back and I can assign it to any activity I want. He and the course director would be very unreasonable (I think?) to say, 'Now that you've had a cancellation from Dave, you can give Maureen that hour and fit her in'. I think that's a massive violation of the boundary around my time management/scheduling. I don't think I'd ever say to anyone: 'I'm cancelling my meeting with you and so you must now give that hour to a person of my choosing?' But am I wrong? Should I relax and think, 'Ah, it's fine - if Dave doesn't mind, then I can just move Maureen into that hour instead and who cares?' How bad/cheeky is Dave for suggesting/trying to do this? How inflexible/unreasonable am I being? Thanks in advance!

Urgh not more ‘Just be kind’. Did you not get the memo that it’s sexist crap that only applies to women?

Maureen fucked up. Maureen gets fuck all.

You are being paid for a set number of hours. So you are unreasonable to refuse to use Dave's hour (that you are being paid for) for Maureen. It is up to the course leader to manage any issues around Maureen manipulating Dave. I understand that it is annoying though.

My tutor told me they had to wait 30 minutes even if no-one showed up...

Maureen wasn't late though. So waiting 30 minutes wouldn't have made any difference at all. She forgot and never showed up.

OP just give Maureen an hour of your time somehow.

Maybe one day you'll make a mistake and someone else will do the same for you

I tutor in a school, but I'm self employed and paid by the lesson. If one kid can't make it and they want to put another kid in that slot then that's fine with me. I'm being paid for that slot. If one kid can't make it and I don't find out till they just don't arrive then I still charge. If one kid can't make it and I get enough notice to do something else with that time I don't charge.

Are they going to pay you for the session where Maureen didn't show up? Personally I'd be concerned that Dave had been pressured into giving up his slot. But if they've got you booked for that time then I think you should honour it, regardless of the student. If they swapped two students around and they both showed up would it matter?

If Dave has now cancelled without saying anything about anyone else using that slot then it depends on your agreement with them. Are they obliged to pay you for that lesson, or will they not pay if you've been given an agreed amount of notice? If they're still paying for Dave's lesson, even if he's cancelled, then I think they can reasonably expect you to take another student then. If they're not paying for a cancelled lesson then technically you could assume you are free then and go ahead and plan something else in that time. However, there is a lot to be said for being accommodating. They clearly want Maureen to have the lesson, you now have a slot you'd agreed to give such a lesson free. You're not obliged to let her have the lesson, but you will be burning your bridges pretty badly if you don't. You might want a reference from them in the future.

But you are paid to do one to ones and I think it's their prerogative to expect you to fill it with another if they say do if someone cancels. It's not time stealing from you, they are paying you, it's not your free time

Or maybe by not giving Maureen a slot the op will be teaching her a valuable lesson about respecting others’time.

I can’t see the issue at all, is it literally a principal thing of ‘why should Maureen get a slot when she showed such little regard for your time?’ What do you care if it’s Dave or Maureen, otherwise? I completely understand not being able to find an extra hour to fit Maureen in, but the idea you will literally just not see her now even when someone’s made it completely easy for you to do so just seems quite petty to me. Have you honestly never made a mistake and apologised and hoped for a second chance?

I feel YABU because you committed to do these sessions with the students and therefore you should do that to the best of your ability. You now have a slot for Maureen so book her in. If you were/are happy to do the sessions then do them, if you weren't happy you shouldn't have committed.

This for me, unless it really matters which student you speak to in each slot (ie you have to do prep work in advance). Just be clear you won’t increase the overall time you’ve already committed you do this and let them work out who has what slot.

You’re being petty.

It's a bit ironic that you are determined to punish Maureen for a mistake when you've just said you'd replied to a professional email without reading it properly! I would be uneasy about what's gone on to mean Dave has to miss out for Maureen's mistake, and maybe query that with course director, but ultimately if the course director wants you to use the slot for her, then you should do so.
It's no extra work or hours so how does it 'violate a scheduling boundary '.

I can’t imagine being that inflexible.

I'm actually really quite torn on this.

I can see your point in that a cancelled slot is yours to fill and people butting in and making decisions on that, when you usually oversee your own diary is overstepping

However, I can also see Dave, Maureen and the other blokes point in that it doesnt make a difference who you see, the slot is for an hour supervision, so in theory it doesnt matter who you supervise providing Dave and Maureen are happy with the slot swap

I think if you're being paid for the hour, it doesn't matter which student you are talking to. That said, I would expect the university to check that Dave really can't make it / doesn't want the opportunity rather than feeling pressurised to give up his slot. You also said you logged off after 15 mins waiting for Maureen, presumably you then did other stuff. So you could see it as you are down on time which you could allocate to Maureen?

Just to add, if you still worked on the course, I would probably agree you should refuse on the basis that you don't want to set a precedent for students swapping and changing or persuading others to give up slots for them. But as you are only doing finite work with them anyway, then that's the new course directors problem, so if they are suggesting it, more fool them and how does it affect you?

If you really want to teach Maureen something then you won't give her that hour. It's the only way she will learn. She didn't respect you enough to make a good note of the date and time.

Now she has to pay the price.

And I think you should be paid for Maureen's hour.

I'd rather be Dave than you OP; he's trying to be a good bloke. Maybe help him to do that.

You’ve agreed to do thirty or however many sessions, what difference does it make which student turns up? it’s still thirty hours of your time.
No idea what Dave’s motive is but he’s clearly only cancelling because he feels Maureen needs it more so it’s just petty and spiteful to accept his cancellation but still not agree to see Maureen.

And I’d definitely charge for the one that didn’t happen.

I think that people need to take some responsibility for themselves and actually this may be the best lesson Maureen gets! She is the one that made the mistake and she will perhaps go into the world of work with a better understanding of her own life management.

This

She made a mistake, apologised, tried to find a solution. But yes, keep punishing her so she understands the world is hard and shit.

I'm a huge fan of encouraging the idea, in my team, that acknowledging and making right is vastly more important than trying to be perfect. My team owns their work better than other teams with a punitive framework.

Poor Maureen. Why don't you like her? Is she dating Dave?