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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A friend saying I was offensive

54 replies

MirrorCastle · 24/04/2024 17:17

A few weeks ago I had a get together at my place, drinks where flowing and it was my friends and partners. A couple of weeks later one of my friends messaged me that she needed to address something with me and had a problem with my comment that night. Whilst some people were in the garden I realized it was getting on so I asked people to head inside or keep it down a little. I then went into the kitchen when said friends partner was and he asked where his wife was. I replied 'she's outside, can you not hear her?' in a jokey tone. He laughed and I thought nothing more of it until she tells me she was coming threw the door and took great offence at the comment. I apologized and told her there was no malice but told me I caused a huge row between her and her partner as he tried to tell her she was reading too much into the comment and she thought he was dismissing her feelings. WTF. AIBU to feel this is a bit silly?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 24/04/2024 17:20

She's embarrassed, and now she's making a huge deal out of basically nothing because her partner wouldn't take her side slagging you off.

You've apologised. Reiterate it and blame the booze for your clumsy 'joke' if you want to smooth things over, personally I wouldn't bother.

Itiswhysofew · 24/04/2024 18:57

A sense of humour failure on her part. Her blaming you for their argument is ridiculous. YANBU.

TinyYellow · 24/04/2024 19:01

She’s entitled to feel a little put out at your comment because it’s embarrassing for her, but her row with her husband was entirely her fault.

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:02

Why is this your problem? You didn’t make the comment 🤷🏻‍♀️You shouldn’t have apologised. You should have told her to go and take the drama back to her partner and speak to him about it.

WarshipRocinante · 24/04/2024 19:03

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:02

Why is this your problem? You didn’t make the comment 🤷🏻‍♀️You shouldn’t have apologised. You should have told her to go and take the drama back to her partner and speak to him about it.

She did make the comment. That’s what the whole post is about.

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:03

Oops sorry - just re-read the thread. 🤦🏻‍♀️

hottchocolatte · 24/04/2024 19:04

I can see why she could have felt put out but unless you when a history of embarrassing her then she should have taken it as a joke and accepted your apology.

Her argument with her boyfriend is her issue.

I'd say "I've apologised for my comment and didn't mean anything by it but it's up to you whether you want to fall out over this. Your argument with your boyfriend is not on me"

TheDuck2018 · 24/04/2024 19:05

She's being utterly ridiculous! Think no more of it

MermaidEyes · 24/04/2024 19:06

She has a sense of humour failure. If I'd have been coming through the door and heard you I'd probably have joked "Oi! I heard that! Are you trying to say I've got a big gob?!" then carried on with my evening.

oifrogs · 24/04/2024 19:06

Through the door not threw

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:06

The comment was a bit bitchy but you are not responsible for the subsequent row. Your apology is appropriate - you shouldn’t shame other women for having fun and being a bit loud at a boozy party.

YeahComeOnThen · 24/04/2024 19:07

I'd have said 'oi' & stuck my tongue out at you! 🤣

she needs to remove the stick from her ...

as for arguing, she sounds like she could do that in a phone box

as for her 'addressing this with you'. She just sounds like a complete tit.

i would not have apologised. Next time you see her 'are you alright? You seem very tense' (you need the head tilt)

YeahComeOnThen · 24/04/2024 19:08

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:06

The comment was a bit bitchy but you are not responsible for the subsequent row. Your apology is appropriate - you shouldn’t shame other women for having fun and being a bit loud at a boozy party.

Try reading it yet again!

it was a joke! An off the cuff, lighthearted comment.

Rookangaroo4 · 24/04/2024 19:09

No you’re fine, she’s a twat.

GoldDuster · 24/04/2024 19:09

They've had a row and she's trying to make it your fault. It's not.

Rookangaroo4 · 24/04/2024 19:09

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:06

The comment was a bit bitchy but you are not responsible for the subsequent row. Your apology is appropriate - you shouldn’t shame other women for having fun and being a bit loud at a boozy party.

😂😂😂 Are you for real 🙄

YeahComeOnThen · 24/04/2024 19:12

oifrogs · 24/04/2024 19:06

Through the door not threw

@oifrogs

pedants corner ➡️➡️➡️

People & phones make mistakes

some people have dyslexia & other issues

some people had a poor education

everyone is entitled to post without being pulled up on their errors.

MissFancyDay · 24/04/2024 19:12

Wow, imagine living in a world where a little bit of gentle ribbing causes so much offence.

You didn't do anything wrong OP

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/04/2024 19:17

This is what the no apology phrase : I'm Sorry You Feel That Way is for.

FinalWarning · 24/04/2024 19:21

Rookangaroo4 · 24/04/2024 19:09

No you’re fine, she’s a twat.

This. 🤣🤣

I hope she’s not a good friend.

PossumintheHouse · 24/04/2024 19:24

She's dwelling on this two weeks later? Fucking hell. Sounds like she's got a life full of problems.

exomoon · 24/04/2024 19:32

She sounds like a loud twat, stroppy twat.

Give her a wide berth. Poor bloke.

DrJoanAllenby · 24/04/2024 19:54

Next time you have a party make sure you lead her down to the secret bunker you've had built which has padded walls, ambient lighting and the sound of ocean waves is piped in so that it can be her safe place for the duration of the party and the rest of you can crack on having fun without the precious snowflake getting her feathers ruffled.

I hate people like her.

theduchessofspork · 24/04/2024 19:56

She’s being daft. You’ve said sorry which is sensible. Don’t allow her to create any more drama.

theduchessofspork · 24/04/2024 19:57

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:06

The comment was a bit bitchy but you are not responsible for the subsequent row. Your apology is appropriate - you shouldn’t shame other women for having fun and being a bit loud at a boozy party.

The OP wasn’t shaming anyone, she’d just gone out to ask everyone to keep it down because she was worried about the noise with the neighbours.

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