To consider a bigger rental flat when DH is unemployed?

[leftorrightnow]

This is a tricky situation and lots of emotions involved, so please be gentle!

• We live in a two bed flat with two kids, 7 and 9 years old, they share a room, this room is also DH's home office
• The flat is rental, we love the area and it's near my job and the kids' school which is a great school where we'd like them to stay and they are thriving there
• The flat, however, has glass doors into the living room from the kids' room, so after they've gone to bed and we have closed those doors, we have to be very quiet in the living room and can't speak in more than hushed tones, can't watch a film etc..
• DD, who is 9, is begging for her own room consistently and is also introvert and needs her space
• We had been planning to get a mortgage this after the summer last year but in September, DH lost his job due to a crisis in his industry, which is still ongoing, with high levels of unemployment globally. Currently the outlook for his reemployment is uncertain (he is doing all he can, don't want to overload the post with details on this..)
• My job situation is stable and my job is well-paid enough that we can with no problems stay in this flat, on my income and his unemployment support, which he is guaranteed for two years (17 months more from now). We can even still have the occasional meal out and are going on holiday this year, and have not touched our savings yet.

• I am considering looking for another rental in our area with one more room and a rent increase of approx. GBP 200-300 per month. On our current income we can manage that, just would have to cut back a bit on 'fun' spending like new clothes and meals out and holidays, but not to the extent of cutting it all, just being a bit more careful.

• But is this a bad move, given that A) getting a mortgage would be better in the long run, and we would be able to get that (a bit further out though) once DH is hopefully employed again - but when will this be we don't know B) increasing expenses when one person is unemployed seems irresponsible, isn't it C) the loss of deposit (it always happens, right??) would then be times two, and the other costs associated with moving are also to be considered.

• BUT: I feel so bad not being able to provide the kids each their room, I'm being driven mad by the lack of privacy for DH and I, and every time someone comes around I feel a bit embarrassed about the small space and the kids sharing a room and with DH's computer in there too (I know this last pint is so superficial, but had to mention it).

What would you all do?

I've been in a similar situation with my husband. The SAHD support is an absolute godsend as a working mother, but you watch their self esteem go down the toilet if it goes on too long.

I wouldn't move house but I would move your flat around a bit.

Put the DC in your room, and then split that room with furniture to give them a bit more privacy - there are loads of examples online. You then get your evenings back and maintain your sleep space.

DH's desk needs to stay in your bedroom - it's not fair that the kids' room is taken over by his massive work space. Get a privacy screen/curtain to put between your room and the living room.

lol why on earth would the parents have no bedroom so the kids can have their own room each?!!! A 7 and 9 yo do not need their own room

If you do move the rooms around will the kids actually get that much less space given that they won't have their dads office in their bedroom?

Yea he needs to reconsider his career and that’s what he’s doing now, trying to move into programming.
my income is too highly for any social housing or other benefits. Without his income we could survive but not in this area.

I understand the employment issues now that you’ve explained your DH’s professional background. It’s definitely not a good idea to move until you have a better idea of when he can work in the future and if he will (hopefully) have similar opportunities to earn the amount he did previously.

My DH is in post production. That industry had collapsed in the UK too. Hardly anyone is commissioning new programming.

So many freelance editors struggling right now. It's awful.

I think you should stay put and make changes to your current living situation to make it work.

Kids share the bigger bedroom - even if that one is near the glass doors. Do something else to the glass doors to block sound and light. You could use curtains and a screen or place furniture in front of it (so long as there is another door of course). A wardrobe in the kids bedroom side would block out all the sound and light meaning the adults could enjoy that space at night time.

Get on Pinterest there are lots of ways to make sharing a room more private. Including one where you place a bunk bed in the middle of the room and partition around it to create 2 rooms almost.

Move DHs desk out of the kids bedroom. That won't be helping with the need for privacy.

Find somewhere else for his desk - maybe your room or the living space.

Before we saved up and bought the pod my DH worked on the dining table, he pushed his monitors and other equipment to one side so that we could eat there.

You know what it’s like then. Out of interest, if your DH considering changing profession? It’s so tough.

Why wouldn't you have the doors open anyway....just be tidy and don't have embarrassing items out.....nightime and evenings are more important

No id stay put and think long term benefits of owning your own home.

How's he going to improve his language skills shut indoors on computers all day

My husband is Danish and I was offered a job (2 year contract) but ultimately we decided not to go as we weren't confident that I'd be able to get another job when limited by language skills. I've been learning for 5 years and whilst I can understand a lot, I struggle to speak anything comprehensible at all as I just can't make the sounds. English is everywhere and it's very difficult to immerse yourself.

Yes, that is the challenge. We know so many expats here, many who have been here +10 years and still don't speak the language! and it is not for lack of trying, Everyone speaks English, it is not like in many other countries where people don't widely speak English, so you are pushed to engage in the local language all the time. Yet, the labour market very much expects Danish. It is a paradox and not easily resolved, and, I suspect, one of the reasons why Denmark is far down the list of preferred locations for expats, despite being a very strong welfare state, safe and with good and free education and healthcare etc etc., but it is a very very hard place to integrate into for foreigners. Much harder than the UK. I know this, and I know DH moved here to allow me to be near my family and because he knew it would be a good place for the kids to grow up, and it is! so he and I don't ever regret moving, in the long term and bigger picture it was the best choice for our particular family and setup, but he is the one who is paying the price for this move, so it would be very unfair for me to be hard on him for being unemployed now, he cautioned this particular thing could happen before we moved, and now it has. So I am not taking his dual screen setup away from him; )

BUT! we had a chat last night and have now agreed (was even very happy!) to move his desk into the bedroom and reorganise the kids room : )

He also told me more specific things about what he is doing to reconsider and retrain professionally, so I am convinced he is fully ware of the seriousness of his situation and his industry as a whole, and doing what he can, as fast as he can, but no one switches industry in the blink of an eye.

Thanks for all your advice and support, I know feel hopeful we can make things work in this flat for a while longer, and DD was super excited when she heard of the plan, and said finally she would get some more privacy, which is what I think she needs. DS, bless him though, broke down in tears and cried for 20 minutes, because he did NOT want his dad's 'cool' computer moved out of the room, and apparently 'likes it' when his dad is sitting working next to him playing, lol. Just goes to show, but he is at an age where kids don't like changes and need privacy less, I am sure he will get used to the idea in time.