To consider a bigger rental flat when DH is unemployed?

[leftorrightnow]

This is a tricky situation and lots of emotions involved, so please be gentle!

• We live in a two bed flat with two kids, 7 and 9 years old, they share a room, this room is also DH's home office
• The flat is rental, we love the area and it's near my job and the kids' school which is a great school where we'd like them to stay and they are thriving there
• The flat, however, has glass doors into the living room from the kids' room, so after they've gone to bed and we have closed those doors, we have to be very quiet in the living room and can't speak in more than hushed tones, can't watch a film etc..
• DD, who is 9, is begging for her own room consistently and is also introvert and needs her space
• We had been planning to get a mortgage this after the summer last year but in September, DH lost his job due to a crisis in his industry, which is still ongoing, with high levels of unemployment globally. Currently the outlook for his reemployment is uncertain (he is doing all he can, don't want to overload the post with details on this..)
• My job situation is stable and my job is well-paid enough that we can with no problems stay in this flat, on my income and his unemployment support, which he is guaranteed for two years (17 months more from now). We can even still have the occasional meal out and are going on holiday this year, and have not touched our savings yet.

• I am considering looking for another rental in our area with one more room and a rent increase of approx. GBP 200-300 per month. On our current income we can manage that, just would have to cut back a bit on 'fun' spending like new clothes and meals out and holidays, but not to the extent of cutting it all, just being a bit more careful.

• But is this a bad move, given that A) getting a mortgage would be better in the long run, and we would be able to get that (a bit further out though) once DH is hopefully employed again - but when will this be we don't know B) increasing expenses when one person is unemployed seems irresponsible, isn't it C) the loss of deposit (it always happens, right??) would then be times two, and the other costs associated with moving are also to be considered.

• BUT: I feel so bad not being able to provide the kids each their room, I'm being driven mad by the lack of privacy for DH and I, and every time someone comes around I feel a bit embarrassed about the small space and the kids sharing a room and with DH's computer in there too (I know this last pint is so superficial, but had to mention it).

What would you all do?

yes I thought the same but turned out renting a co working space with the specifications he needs is around GBP 300!!! he is very worried about finances and quite frugal so think it's better not to, but if we tally it up the you're right that would be less than the cost of increased rent, and also easier to give up again if circumstances change whereas moving and committing to higher rent is much more long term

Did you say you had a playroom? Can one of the children have that as a bedroom?

Kids get room each. You sleep in lounge.

I never get this as a suggestion. Children sharing a room is not child cruelty. They are similar ages and young enough for it not to be a problem. Why on earth should the adults lose all privacy?

Money is not infinite, the husband in this case is out of work. Everyone surely should just suck up the fact that life is not perfect at the moment and crack on?

i'd move , this doesn't sound pleasant day to day, and you can afford it rent wise from your salary, all you are loosing is the moving cost from your savings, and this is after all your life, it's going to get harder as kids get bigger, and from what you say , with retraining, language fluency, industry problems,etc realistically there will be no real likelihood of change for at least couple of years- a mortgage i'd suspect is unlikely to be approved till your husband has at least a years'' worth of employment. So i'd plan for your life now, not what it will be in 3 years time - what you can afford now and what the payback would be which sounds a lot, i don't think this is irresponsible spending. Maybe while working on language skills he could look for something part time, all he has to bring is a £100 a week and you are better off. I think you all deserve a good night's sleep and some privacy, it seems you can get this with not a lot of extra per month and make everything far more comfortable.

sorry called it playroom by force of habit, in the beginning when DH were younger, we all slept in the bedroom and that room was the kids' playroom and DH's home office, now it is the kids bedroom/playroom/DH office.

Switch bedrooms with the kids, keep DHs office in that room though. I don't think it's fair to be using your kids room as an office. DD will probably feel more like its a private room when not also sharing the space with her father and his stuff.

Yes, this is something I am seriously considering too! and then blocking the glass doors somehow, keeping them closed, so the kids get more their own space.
The thing about moving is also, it always gets more expensive than you thought...there you need to get some new stuff, there are extra charges cropping up etc etc...I am just so sick and tired of our living situation.

I'm sorry, but ...
I know.
How is DH doing "everything he can", if he lost his job in September?
If I was him (I'm a migrant, my English wasn't great at the beginning) I'd be taking any job to bring some money in, especially with a family.

OP has said that he is better off claiming unemployment benefits for two years.
So it makes more sense for him to study and job hunt.
Although long term it may not be feasible for him to stay in this country if he can't gain fluency because he is always going to find work hard.

I also think he needs to focus on improving his language skills here. But it’s a real struggle to get him to do it as it wasn’t needed at all when he was working as his industry is so international and he was working remotely a lot of the time, so I think he refuses to face having to learn the language. It’s a hard language to learn too. I’m working on convincing him, but her other thing is he’s applying for jobs pretty much every day so keeps thinking it is just that little bit longer, think he is a bit in denial

I wouldn't move either.

Ask the landlord if you can put up some curtains over the doors - big heavy ones and then they will block out both the sound and the light from the TV in the evening.

we have a small roll-down curtain block the light but not sound

To be honest I think you’re being a bit frivolous going for regular meals out and holidays when he is unemployed and his prospects are not looking good. I would be saving as much as you can until he has a job again, rather than looking to increase your living costs.

I would stay put and re-evaluate once DH finds some employment.

Think of solutions for your current living situation instead - swap rooms with the kids, create a smaller office area in your room or the living room for DH, give the children a room each and you and DH use a sofa bed in the living room, give the kids room a lovely new makeover, try some ways to divide their spaces so your daughter feels like she has some more privacy/gets her excited about her room again. Might stop the complaining for a while!

well, everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course. However, we are not facing destitution, so we allow ourselves to have a holiday and a monthly meal out.

I agree with this. Could the money that is being used for these treats be used for him to do an intensive course in the local language? Honestly it sounds like he does need to retrain. He is at a disadvantage not speaking the local language and with each job he is coming up against people currently working in the Industy.

Can he move his desk into the living room and then try and rejig the kids room to give them more privacy?

Definitely stay for now and until you have two secure incomes. Why does your DH need that big desk with two screens when he isn't working? Can't you just store that away for now so that the kids get a bit more space?

he can do a local language course for free

as mentioned, he is learning new programmes and using the screens and computer all day while we are at work and in school

He should definitely be doing this.
I've lived in country where I didn't speak the language and learning was hard. But if he is going to live there long term he needs to suck up the pain of learning

Until he has a job I think you need to stay put and save as much as you can. If you fall ill or die they'll need the money

Then he can use that time to learn the language

Yes but is this doing him any good? It does sound like he needs to accept that he may need to retrain in another industry.

Get some cheap blackout blinds and stick them up on the glass doors.

Have DH desk in the living room or your bedroom and put up some kind of divider for the kids to give them some privacy/sanctuary.

well if he needs to retrain, that would be years with zero income, so of course he wants to see if he can move in to an adjacent industry first, doesn't that make sense? Giving up on moving into an adjacent industry after seven months of unemployment is a bit soon, isn't it