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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask MIL to stop posting photos of DS on social media?

60 replies

InATizzz · 23/04/2024 08:29

I asked MIL over 3 weeks ago now if she could stop posting photos of my DS on Facebook and she's not spoken to me since.

Back story is she nearly announced our birth before we even did and was begging to post about it. We aren't regular posters at all and it just doesn't fit with who we are. I wanted to post one photo to Facebook to announce his arrival and then never post a picture of him again. DP and I had chatted and we both agreed that we want DS to have privacy and to decide when he's older whether he wants to be on social media. Not to mention the issue of not knowing who is looking at his photos from her friends list.

2 weeks postpartum I finally started to begin healing after a fast but difficult birth and posted my announcement. She immediately posted one as well. I didn't mind this too much as I was obviously very busy. Over the next weeks I sent her lots of photo updates of DS as she had went on lots of preplanned holidays, what I deemed private family photos, and she proceeded to post them all on FB. When she's visited since I've heard her in the other room trying to get him to smile for photos and then posted them as well an hour after leaving!

I didn't say anything to begin with and asked DP to ask her to stop as I didn't want to cause a rift between her and I. He asked 3 times and she didn't, so I decided to ask. I sent an extremely polite message to ask her to stop and to explain our views about children's images on social media and she just put 'OK no worries'. She hasn't spoken to me since so I feel like she's definitely upset with me.

Was I being unreasonable to ask her to stop?
I appreciate it may be hypocritical of me to post 1 photo and then ask her to stop but I genuinely won't post any more photos of DP as he grows. I've been left feeling like I've overreacted in some way and maybe shouldn't have said anything? But it was keeping me up at night!

Thank you for your views!

OP posts:

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/04/2024 12:13

ImNotAPanda · 23/04/2024 11:30

Flag all the photos to Facebook and don’t send her any more photos.
That video is a good one to send. Older generations really don’t understand social media at all

Ageist and very incorrect in my experience.

Flowersandforests · 26/04/2024 12:18

Dinkydo12 · 26/04/2024 08:11

She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting. This would only allow those people she wanted to view the pictures to see them and prevent the posts being shared. I do feel for your MIL having been in a similar situation. My DS ex tried to control everything regarding my DGS. It was and is hurtful. I even had to phone every time I wanted to visit to virtually make an appointment to see him. My DS was between a rock and a hard place. Trying to please her and not upset me. I think its lovely how excited your MIL was and is and it seems she is now hurt. Invite her around for dinner and between you your DP and his Mum come to an agreement of which social media platform she uses. Don't be cross with her.

Sorry but I’m not sure what your DIL has done wrong here ? Surely it’s polite to phone and arrange a mutually convenient time to see your GS rather than just turn up? Thats not being controlling that’s just boundaries - you don’t have an automatic right to see a family member when ever you want ! DIL has a life too!!!

And if parents don’t want photos on SM I really don’t see how that’s controlling !! The moment images are shared online, you loose control of them. Is a few likes from some random friends worth the risk of FB being hacked & the images ending up in goodness knows whose hands ?!? Children deserve a right to privacy & a GP wanting to show off to their mates online doesn’t trump that.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 26/04/2024 13:01

Completely fine she doesn't need to post her dgc on social media.

Interesting she ignored her son's request and now she's literally ignoring you. She does not like being told what to do.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 26/04/2024 13:09

Dinkydo12 · 26/04/2024 08:11

Yeah your not making the case for mils who overstep 😂

Embf · 26/04/2024 14:02

YANBU.

Prior to our daughter's birth we were clear with my in-laws (my parents don't use social media) that no photos of her were to be posted. If we decided to post something, they could share it but that was it. My MIL is a gem and completely understood, and tbh wouldn't post a lot anyway. It still didn't stop my FIL posting baby's name on Facebook before I'd even told my own parents as I was still in the immediate aftermath of labour!!!! Needless to say my husband was furious.

As it happens I've only posted twice about my baby - an arrival photo and a birthday one. And tbh I won't be posting more myself. Friends have occasionally (maybe twice) asked to upload a photo to their stories if my daughter has been playing with their kids on a day out etc and I've consented. But that will be the height of it until she decides what she wants to put up herself. We have selected "no" to photos being published by her nursery of her. I happily send photos directly to family and friends who care about her and ask after her.

Ironically my FIL who would have been the only one posting her everywhere in the early days if he had free rein has seen her a handful of times in the last year and it's at the point where they have no relationship and won't have one going forward as we're not having inconsistent people in her life. He has a sister who posts her kids and grandkids everywhere and would just want to show off given half a chance.

Your child, your rules.

Lassiata · 26/04/2024 14:14

She may not see what she's doing wrong and therefore feel hurt but you are absolutely in the right here and your kids will likely be glad when they are older that this is what you did.

I used to post pics of my older son but have completely stopped now and nothing has ever gone up of DS2. I don't actually have a rule of not allowing family members to post pics but they have taken their cue from us and none of them do.

I agree that sending her that video and a couple of articles about kids' right to control their own digital footprint and the potential abuse of photos could be helpful. If that doesn't make a difference then maybe she is just selfish.

But don't feel uneasy about this OP, you have been quite forbearing actually. Shocking she would post photos YOU took and sent to her to be nice! I would be so upset having family pics online without even the filter of deciding myself what went up. It's really poor behaviour.

FenixWinda · 26/11/2024 19:35

My MIL was told no photos and the reasons why - I'd be more than happy to fall out with her for good if she posted anything. It's literally points scoring by selling out other peoples privacy.

oakleaffy · 15/01/2025 19:24

Flowersandforests · 23/04/2024 11:20

YANBU - it baffles me how much people are willing to share about their children online. Ok fair enough they might have strong privacy in place but it gives the green light to everyone else who might not be so strict !

If your MIL is offended then thats a her problem - your baby is not social media content ! She can show her friends pictures in real life like people used to do ! I’d also stop sending her pics if I were you.

And don’t get me started on ‘mumfluencers’ who use their children for content and money - potty training seems to be the thing they are all sharing at the moment which I think is a massive invasion of privacy.

There is a deeply concerning “Mom influencer” who posts lots of her toddler daughter eating “Sausage” or “Pickle” shaped edibles .

She has tons of male followers.

It’s absolutely abusive, making money out of a child’s innocence , and should be banned.

PassingStranger · 15/01/2025 19:51

Whinge · 26/04/2024 08:30

Of course she's excited but that doesn't mean she can go against the parents wishes. The OP and her DP have been very clear that they don't want any photos of their child shared on social media. Changing the privacy settings may reduce how many people see the image, but it doesn't stop the problem of it being posted without their / their child's permission.

What are her achievements in life she should post about them.
Probably hasn't got any. It's so dull out there.
Pics of kids, grandkids are boring it's not an achievement at all. It's all normal stuff.

When I see pics and pics and mentions of the family on some people's Facebook I think yes but what have you actually done in life.
Climbed Mount Everest, started a charity, saved someone's life, you get it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/01/2025 20:03

What stood out to me is that your DH asked her not to do this "3 times" and was ignored, which is totally unacceptable - and why does it need to be SM anyway, rather than sending them to friends privately if she must?

As PPs have said, the only answer is to send/allow no more pictures for now, and say why ... though you could also commit to reviewing it if she's sensible for a few months

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