To ask MIL to stop posting photos of DS on social media?

[InATizzz]

I asked MIL over 3 weeks ago now if she could stop posting photos of my DS on Facebook and she's not spoken to me since.

Back story is she nearly announced our birth before we even did and was begging to post about it. We aren't regular posters at all and it just doesn't fit with who we are. I wanted to post one photo to Facebook to announce his arrival and then never post a picture of him again. DP and I had chatted and we both agreed that we want DS to have privacy and to decide when he's older whether he wants to be on social media. Not to mention the issue of not knowing who is looking at his photos from her friends list.

2 weeks postpartum I finally started to begin healing after a fast but difficult birth and posted my announcement. She immediately posted one as well. I didn't mind this too much as I was obviously very busy. Over the next weeks I sent her lots of photo updates of DS as she had went on lots of preplanned holidays, what I deemed private family photos, and she proceeded to post them all on FB. When she's visited since I've heard her in the other room trying to get him to smile for photos and then posted them as well an hour after leaving!

I didn't say anything to begin with and asked DP to ask her to stop as I didn't want to cause a rift between her and I. He asked 3 times and she didn't, so I decided to ask. I sent an extremely polite message to ask her to stop and to explain our views about children's images on social media and she just put 'OK no worries'. She hasn't spoken to me since so I feel like she's definitely upset with me.

Was I being unreasonable to ask her to stop?
I appreciate it may be hypocritical of me to post 1 photo and then ask her to stop but I genuinely won't post any more photos of DP as he grows. I've been left feeling like I've overreacted in some way and maybe shouldn't have said anything? But it was keeping me up at night!

Thank you for your views!

Flag all the photos to Facebook and don’t send her any more photos.
That video is a good one to send. Older generations really don’t understand social media at all

Stop providing her with the artwork for her to post on social media. If she doesn't have the photos, she can't post anything.
If you're sending her photos on WhatsApp, send them using the Disappearing messages option and also use the view counter option (so that she can view them once and after 24hrs the message disappears entirely.

As the parent you post what you wish. Mil is not a parent to your baby, she doesn't get to post what she wants. She can post her own kids if she's desperate!

You're completely in the right op. I don't allow faces or names of DC on social media. Dm will occasionally post a picture of ds face down in cake, back of him while doing an activity etc. accompanied by "had a great day with my grandson". She still gets to share her happy moments with her friends, and I don't have an extra worry. There are enough dangers to protect our DC from without going out and courting new ones.

You are totally in the right @InATizzz but I think you need to get your husband to fight this battle.

@GoawaySunrise this is the type of photos I also post of my son. I also vetted my followers and my Instagram is private, so I know who can see what.

You need to stop sending her any photos that you aren’t happy to be on social media. It won’t stop her taking her own pictures but presumably you will be with your child at the time to intervene.

You can post and share at will
I would be horrified if anyone posted a picture of my kids without checking with me first and I do v occasionally post

Can you set up a WhatsApp for family and say she can send the odd photo to a friend but not on social media that way she can be proud granny with out the risk

Yanbu, who cares if she's upset. She has no right to do that after you explained. You are the parents and that's what goes. Being a GP doesn't mean she has any say in issues like this or anything for that matter. I would not chase after her and just leave her to stew.

I wouldn't dream of posting photos of my gc on Facebook as I know my dd s wouldn't want me to do so. Saying that dd2's MiL has posted a couple of photos of her ds on Facebook but he is in a group with her dc and other gc.
I have posted the odd photo of my dc over the years but now I always ask their permission first. One of my friends on Facebook posts everything online.

Maybe you could take some very unflattering photos of her and plaster them all over Facebook.

She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting. This would only allow those people she wanted to view the pictures to see them and prevent the posts being shared. I do feel for your MIL having been in a similar situation. My DS ex tried to control everything regarding my DGS. It was and is hurtful. I even had to phone every time I wanted to visit to virtually make an appointment to see him. My DS was between a rock and a hard place. Trying to please her and not upset me. I think its lovely how excited your MIL was and is and it seems she is now hurt. Invite her around for dinner and between you your DP and his Mum come to an agreement of which social media platform she uses. Don't be cross with her.

Regardless of whether or not you decide to post 1 photo or 1,000, you have asked your MIL to stop, as is your right and for her to disregard that request then sulk about it is just wrong. Yes, she loves her GC, yes she's excited but that does not give her the right to ignore your request.

Best of luck going forward xxx

This

Oh trot on with your ageist crap.

She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting. This would only allow those people she wanted to view the pictures to see them and prevent the posts being shared

Of course she's excited but that doesn't mean she can go against the parents wishes. The OP and her DP have been very clear that they don't want any photos of their child shared on social media. Changing the privacy settings may reduce how many people see the image, but it doesn't stop the problem of it being posted without their / their child's permission.

YANBU - perfectly reasonable to not have images of your child on SM.

Your MIL obviously has a real issues with boundaries - she completely ignored your DH when he stated this one and is not sulkily ignoring you. She sound very immature. I suspect this pattern of behaviour will be repeated with many simple things over the years.

Sorry @InATizzz It is draining and disappointing to have emotionally immature parents.

As a GP, she is just extremely proud and wants to show off her GC. No-one wants to think of the dangers that are out there and unless you do actually have first hand experience it's hard to conceive that someone could take an innocent photo of a child and do something so horrendous with it. That video cheepcheepcheep posted is pretty hard hitting and explains it all, it's opened my eyes to things you could never imagine. Just show her that but go easy on her, she's not doing it out of malice and try come up with alternatives you are happy with.

"She sounds like a very proud grandma. Maybe a better way would be to help her with her privacy posting."

I'm an incredibly proud granny but I don't post any pics of my grandchildren on social media because I've been asked not to. That's the end of it!

I'm astounded on here sometimes at the behaviour of some grandparents, who don't respect the boundaries set by their grandchildren's parents. It doesn't matter if you don't agree or don't like it. You have to suck it up and be grateful that you're part of your grandchildren's lives. The more supportive and non-judgmental you are, the more you'll be invited to be involved.

We have no photos anywhere of our DC. They can be used for anything, especially with AI and what the next 20 years of AI development will bring.

I don't even let family send photos in WhatsApp groups with their friends.

I'm a nan to a 2 and a half year old granddaughter.
I rarely post any pics of her on SM ( have occasionally posted a pic of us where she isn't looking at the camera so you can't see her face ) . I do this for my own reasons . Her mother ( my daughter ) posts occasional pics but less now she's older . Her child , her business .
I still have asked when I've posted a pic ( even though it's pretty impossible to tell who she is ) .
Hope that helps ... I don't think you're being unreasonable at all . After all she's welcome to take pics and show them to individual friends .
Personally , I think as a rule most people like to see a pic to be polite and that's it !! I'm the only Nan in my friendship group so tend not to "Nan " talk too much .
She's a delight of course and a massive part of my life that I don't share with everyone xx

She can be upset and ignoring you as much she wants. You and your DH make the rules about your child and if she doesn't follow them then don't send her any pics/videos/updates.

Has she actually stopped posting pics?
That's what's most important, IMO.

So what if she's upset with you? Let her be upset if she wants to waste energy on something so silly. I say enjoy the silence

You need to TELL her to stop it and explain to her about the infant and child porn which appears on unscrupulous websites, she would have a pink fit if it happened to her grandchild.

Eh? Im speaking from lived experience