10yr nearly 11yr at home by themselves

[SamHHM37]

I need to ask is a 10 nearly 11 ye old at home 2-3 days a week acceptable while I come home from work??

It's fine as long as your dc are ok with it. Mine had outgrown the childminders by that age.

I'm assuming you are talking about a child in yr 6 being home for a couple of hours before you get home from work?
We started to leave dd for short periods at this age in preparation for high school, as there is no wrap-around childcare.

This made me laugh, it's sensible advice but we all know kids like this 😂

Btw, yes I'd leave mine until I'm in from work. Like others have said they need a talk on what to do if fire breaks out or another emergency.

Depends on the child, but fine for most I would say. Not all day, but a while after school is fine.

My parents used to leave me at home at that age to go shopping and I loved it!

As others have said, it depends on the child. I left DD on her own at this age and she was happy with the arrangement.

How long for?

I have a (sensible) year 6 child and I’m ok to leave him for an hour or so here and there. I wouldn’t leave him from 3.15-6 every day though!!!!

if it was for an hour 2-3 times a week then ok. Longer? No, he’d be at the after school club (and be very grumpy about it)

is he scared of being on his own? Would he do something dangerous if left
alone? Wondering why he has to go to an after school club he hates?

Eh. He’s totally fine on his own. Luckily I wfh so very rarely have to leave him for long. But he’s fine for up to an hour or so, probably longer tbh. And entirely trustworthy.

He doesnt go to the asc. But hates any kind of extra curricular. I don’t think that is unusual.

@Clearinguptheclutter I was just confused because you say you wouldn't
leave him on his own for more than an hour, whilst saying that he's absolutely fine with being on his own. Most NT 11 year olds meet up with their friends at the weekend for more than an hour or so and that's infinitely riskier what with being outside, crossing roads etc

Depends on the child but government guidance says 12.

My son is 11. Since he was 10 he's been home alone every Wednesday from. 3.30 to 5.30. It's fine. He has my number, any problems I can be home from work in 5 mins.

In the winter? In the dark. All the no. Use after school club.

Not ok. I got my child to go to a childminder after school and I collected him from there. At 13 I allowed him to go home alone but not allowed to use cooker and I arrived home about 1 1/4 hours later.

For how long. I was left alone all day from 8/9 and hated it.

No it doesn’t. That’s the ridiculous, dangerous, limiting NSPCC guidance.

Great way to stop parents working and clamp down on independence for children eh.

Your 13 yo wasn’t allowed to use the cooker? Why not?

I didn’t do this until my two were 12 & nearly 14 respectively- so end of year 7 and 9. A job necessitated it but I def wouldn’t have left even my more sensible older one in year 6 for more than 20 mins (I used to pick or drop off younger one at activity but I’d already been home, given snack etc).
If it’s a matter of minutes and you can trust them with a key, walking home and letting themselves in then I may have tried it with my eldest, but no way was youngest ready for that (he did occasionally walk home but there was no roads and I was always home, he wouldn’t have come home to an empty house).

Jesus I must be far too laid back about this,

At 10/11 absolutely I'd let me child walk the 10 min walk home from school at 3:20 and let himself in. One of us is usually home by 4:30/5pm so about an hour alone.

I wouldn't have a tracking device on him (no phones allowed at school in primary anyway) and nor would I be calling the minute I'd expect him home, I'd see him arrive on the ring camera and that's reassurance enough for me. He could call us when he got in if he wishes, otherwise He'd be straight on the PlayStation for an hour anyway.

When do people think it IS ok to start allowing independence and letting kids build up some resilience?

By winter evenings in 6 months he will be 11, at secondary school and there will be no childcare options anyway.

The longer evenings of spring in y6 are a sensible time to build up independence skills ready for the jump of social expectation in y7.

Depends on the kid's temperament, if they have a way to contact you and you can pick up the phone quickly, and how long they'd be alone for.

At that age one of my DC was walking herself from school to an activity 20 minutes away, then home after that, while I was an hour away at work. It was that or ASC, and she loved the activity and hated ASC.

So I think it’s plenty old enough to be home, as long as they know what to do in an emergency, have local emergency adult back up and always let you know where they are (ie text when they get home, and if they want to go out again to the park).

I would, from experience, suggest fastening house keys to the inside of their school bag on a long elastic band. That way, it’s impossible to forget them as they’re attached and not left lying around.

Mine were fine.

@QforCucumber - we worked up to it summer before secondary so age 11. Started with walking to post letter/round block, then meeting a friend locally outside. I left them individually in year 6 for short times to drop/pick up other child. That’s how.
I think being home alone is more scary than being outside with friends , although crossing roads is always scary.
DS absolutely hated being left on his own for quite a while - I had to build up to it very slowly with him. I’m not sure he’s even keen now at 20 whereas DD loves it.

Your 13 year old isn’t allowed to cook unsupervised? Seriously? At 13?

My kids are 12 and 10. They each make dinner one night a week, whether I’m in the house or not. And you won’t let a 13 year old cook?

I can’t see a problem with it. I’m assuming if you’re considering it your child isn’t a ‘what would happen if I dismantled this washing machine and then played with matches’ kind of kid.

I had my hand forced to do similar during lockdown. There was no other option but it actually turned out to be a good thing for fostering a sense of independence and problem solving.

Do all your due diligence in terms of talking through scenarios that might occur and how to handle them and if you can designate a couple of trusted emergency contacts.

We don’t have a landline so I bought a ‘dealer phone’ as my eldest christened it, a cheap PAYG from a supermarket.