To ask if you had a horrible three year old … did it get better?

[tellmeaboutitplease]

I’m praying so because while I thought two brought challenges this is off the scale.

Thank you for this. I’d never heard of it. You are exactly right - DS1 fits the rebel criteria to the letter.

It’s annoying because he is popular, smart as a whip and funny. But he’s so so difficult to manage, both for us and his teachers. DS2 (easy going) would be fine with any half decent parent but I feel we need to get it spot on with DS1 to stop him turning into a career criminal or something like that 😬

…Dare I ask if/when your DC2 got easier? I’ll even take adulthood 😂

I remember so vividly how awful my ds was at 2/3 that I remember posting a thread on here about it. That was 9 years ago and I've just searched for and found the post.

No advice as such but lots of sympathy and knowing it's normal and you're not alone.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/behaviour_development/2462304-My-2-year-old-is-a-fucking-monster

Nb ds is a very lovely 11 year old now. He's cheeky and hilarious and so loving. Hang on in there.

DS was a fucking nightmare at 3. Angry, sassy, occasionally violent, generally didn't give a fuck, along with being a bolter and quite destructive... He was also incredibly clingy to me and wouldn't let anybody else near him. He's now nearly 6 and has calmed down a lot, but still has his moments. School helped a lot! Still clingy to me but getting much better.

In comparison, DD was an angel at 3. No tantrums, walked along nicely, held hands, looked after her things, was generally calm and sensible, not clingy at all. She continued being an angel until she got to about 7, then the attitude started. 10 now and, well, she's 10!

I tried not to be smug about how well behaved DD was at 3, and yet it came along to bite me in the arse with DS. I still don't know where he came from.

All three of mine went through a very difficult phase at the age of 3. I found it a much harder age than 2 every time. They are all lovely now, they have their moments of course but the 3 year old horror is long gone 😆🙈

Yes - at about 4.5 year old. Hang in there

Def a lot better coming up for 8. It was awful and I turned into a mother I never thought I'd be. Lockdowns did not help either.
Not a time I ever want to repeat.
The complete opposite of my oldest. Like night and day.
Also done having children , thank god!

The weird thing is, you’ve described DS there with both those descriptions. He can be so lovely but so horrible as well, so rude, violent, screams at me, won’t take no for an answer (I don’t give in but it’s so hard) snatches, won’t let his sister have anything, argues with me about everything.

Yes, my first was a lovely baby, but an absolutely HIDEOUS toddler/preschooler. Turned 4 and had been mainly lovely since, and she's now a teenager!

Ha ha! Myself and my husband are going through this right now. Could have written this myself. And was contemplating writing it! Just turned 3 and started potty training about 5/6 weeks ago. By god is he difficult at the moment! Still some lovely moments but he is hard bloody work at the moment! Reading the replies with interest!

Mine was evil until he was about 4, then he turned a corner.

Keep going, he'll come good!

Same, 3 was bad but 4 is probably worse...4.5 now and doesn't seem to be getting any better! 🥴

You’re mostly cheering me up immensely! What would you say to yourselves if you could go back? (Apart from ‘it will get better!’)

Yes it gets easier. Age 7-8was nice, then 9-11 was bad again till she started her periods, now 12-13 has been an absolute delight, she is my favourite human being in the world and I am so proud I didn't murder her that I take a disproportionate and probably unhealthy pride in her achievements😎

My third was a fucking tricky three year old and I always said that if he had been my first he would have been my last !! Got better by the age of 6-7!
He is now an extremely lovely 24 year old and a dream ! Friends refer to him as the perfect child. Hang on in there 😉My two eldest were great with him and they are all brilliant as well .

Yep, all very familiar! DS was (is!) such a sweet boy, especially when it was just the two of us. Then something would go wrong, or he perceived something as being wrong, and he'd just flip. He still does it now but not quite as much. DD bore the brunt of it a lot, so obviously I had to work extra hard to protect her and it was very draining on top of everything else he was doing. It was like I couldn't take my eye off him for a second or he'd be trying to hurt her or spoil her game, etc. That was the hardest part. And DD would get upset and then DS would get upset and it felt never ending!

It's so difficult because you just think, I know you're lovely really! I sympathise so much

Fight the battles when they r young and it will pay off when they r older.

E.g. it took 4 years of daily battles to get her to read smher school books, now she is a book worm and reads for 8 hours straight if we let her.

Also be kind to yourself, good enough parenting is enough, don't try to be perfect.

Sometimes I look back and I think, some battles were about me and my needs, not hers. E.g. I needed to feel a sense of achievement/purpose each day and that meant leaving the house and going to a club/the playground no matter what. But actually, that was me, not her. She would've been happier at home most of the time. I think realising that helps, like, yes this is a battle to get out of the door but it's worth it for my OWN mental health but she isn't stopping"me" going out "on purpose", the only reason my head went there was because of my needs.

I recommend taking up HIT training or kickboxing, I used to love getting my anger out safely, because so much of the day involved me trying to stay calm when faced with her anger/arguing/lashing out at me and I had to stay calm I needed a safe release.

My DTs were delightful from birth until 2. 2-4 was honestly the worst period so far. To save you some time googling, no, you cannot ship them off to boarding school. It was an absolutely awful time. Then, they turned 4 and it’s like a switch flicked and they became agreeable little angels again. Or they broke me, I’m not sure which! They’re 6 now and a piece of cake in comparison to those dark, dark years.

My DD was…challenging at 2 and 3 😬

By 4.5 she was absolutely lovely and easy for the next 14 years. She is 18 now and still lovely but not necessarily easy. Have just taken her for an ADHD assessment and awaiting the results. She has a fair few issues around focus, completing tasks, organisation, getting her fecking college work done etc. BUT she is absolutely lovely, very funny, talented, charming, sweet, empathetic, can talk to anyone. And I have faith she’ll find her groove eventually!

But yes, I’ve known a lot of kids who were arseholes at 3 and who came through it pretty quickly.

YES!

My son is 4yo now and MY GOD it's night and day. Ofc he still has some strops and massive feelings, but it's like he can rationalise a bit and actually comes to me of his own accord to say sorry etc now. Whereas from the day he turned 3 until just before he turned 4, it was so difficult.

Tons of sympathy from me 💐
I will never forget the terrible days of a 2yr old and 4.5yr old.
The NOISE
The endless arguing
The soul destroying boredom
The way I lost my temper

Mine r now 13 11 and 5 and its a doddle in comparison.

DS was a nightmare at 3.5 to 4.5.
Then a joy and just got easier and more delightful. Sailed through teens and is now a lovely 25 year old.
What would you say to yourselves if you could go back?
Enjoy the good bits, you'll remember them more than the bad

The way I lost my temper

God yes, I’m not proud of the amount of shouting I did when I had two under 5, but they survived it and we all still like each other.

Honestly I’m very grateful for these replies. I do feel like there’s a lovely boy in there I still get glimpses of sometimes. When I’m with him at an activity he actually comes across as very sweet and docile, he can come out with little things that make elderly people smile (his excitement at seeing a fire engine won a few hearts the other day) … but my god he’s been difficult these past few days.

I have stayed super positive and calm and it’s drained me.

From 4 onwards I’ve thoroughly enjoyed her.

One of mine was completely ghastly right up until she started school. It was like a switch had been flicked. I sometimes wonder whether FT nursery would have been better for her (and me!) but I took a career break precisely to have more time with her than I'd managed with her siblings, who did go FT.

The pre-school years nearly broke me, and if she'd been my first she'd definitely have been my last. Now a delightful 18 year old and a pleasure to have around. I'm not sure what I'd say to myself if I could go back, except 'This too shall pass...', - but I'd probably have been too exhausted to listen!