DD’s school constantly wanting money and donations

[HOTD7383]

DD attends an SEN school. At least once or twice (sometimes three times) a month without fail the school will ask for donations to be sent in as prizes for their bingo nights, tombola prizes, etc. They often ask for boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine for this and the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in so obviously I do it to stop DD from being singled out. They also have started asking us to make a bigger contribution every term to contribute towards food tasting in the classroom and to use the school’s own swimming pool, I had to pay £60 before DD went back after Easter and it’s likely to be the same amount next term too (if not more). They say it’s a voluntary contribution but they put a lot of pressure by sending constant emails and sending letters home in DD’s journal if you don’t pay it.

It just feels like I’m constantly paying out to the school and it’s just costing too much money, especially when I don’t work at the moment due to my own health issues and being a carer for DD. AIBU to think the school are taking the mick and to maybe email them about this? A lot of the parents are in the same situation as me and don’t work due to being carer’s for at least one disabled child so I can’t imagine that I’m the only one feeling like this.

Edited to add - the classes are smaller in SEN schools, for example DD has 10 children in her class but even still, £600 for some biscuits every week and to use their own swimming pool sound’s extortionate!

I would just speak to the teachers and say that you can’t afford it but don’t want your child to be left out and see what they say. There isn’t really any other way around it. Otherwise you could start asking on your Facebook page or local groups if anyone has any prizes they would be willing to donate to the school. Make a little collection and send them as and when they ask for them.

That sounds fairly normal now. Cake collections, raffle prizes, non-uniform days and travel contributions to travel to the nearest pool.

School budgets are tight.

You have said that bigger ones are voluntary. There will be parents who will be comfortable financially and are happy enough to pay. Just ignore those emails and letters.

They often ask for boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine for this and the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in so obviously I do it to stop DD from being singled out.

If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't send anything and would still send my child in in non-uniform. I think it's horrible to single children out like that for decisions made by their parents to not buy something, or for having parents who can't afford it.
I also bet it wouldn't be commented on, or even really noticed that she wasn't in uniform and you hadn't bought something to send in.

It’s the schools own pool, they’re not going to an outside local pool

I completely agree and I would feel awful if DD was in that position hence why I just suck it up but I honestly dread the letters coming now because it’s like the more times you pay the more they want next time

Sign post your school to the 'cost of the school day' calendar and toolkit, which is produced by a child poverty charity.

I have some slight sympathy that the pool must cost an incredible amount to heat as school energy bills werent capped.

DD's school do raffle prizes for own cloths every term, a couple of times I've forgot to pick it up on the way to drop her off and nothing has been said. (When I remember it's a £1 chocolate orange, or something regifted)

DS gets school transport and at least half the time I send in money donations for stuff like own cloth or CIN the money comes home in his bag, I assume because he forgot to hand it in. Again nothing has been said and I guess they haven't even asked him if he's brought anything, as if they had he would have said yes it's in this pocket.

I'd probably ring and tell them you won't be contributing to the next bigger voluntary thing, and just ignore the £1 or raffle prize type requests.

I'm more shocked that a SEN school has non-uniform days. That is a major trigger for a lot of SN children, such disruption to routine.

But school budgets have all been cut in real terms in the last 10 years

They often ask for boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine for this and the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in

Do they really explicitly say this op or is that your interpretation? I ask because I think it is really bad if they do. We have thing like this at our school but they would never insist kids bring things in, just suggest it, I don't really see how it's enforceable anyway.
The pool thing I can understand a bit more, even if it is there pool it must cost a fair bit to maintain although £60 a term is a lot.
You might be surprised how many people don't pay these voluntary donations. Our school say for school trips the donation is voluntary but if not enough people don't pay it won't go ahead so I assumed most people paid but when my DH was helping out with a trip the teacher told him only 20% or so paid, I can't remember the exact number but it was ridiculously low. I had always assumed that about 75% would pay as I think the vast majority could afford it (obviously don't know everyone's personal circumstances but just going on what I see).
My point is if you genuinely can't afford it please don't pay it - I can guarantee you there are lots of people who can and don't bother!

Yeah they often give a list of what’s ‘appropriate’ to send it and it’s mainly wine or boxes of chocolates on the list and then they say that children can wear their own clothes in exchange for bringing those items in. It’s a very clear ‘rule’ in the letters they send home. I think I worry about the consequences too much - is DD going to miss out on anything if I don’t pay, are the teachers going to think badly or look down at us if I don’t pay - I think that’s a big part of it too, but honestly I don’t see it being very sustainable asking for people to give big chunks of money at one time on a regular basis so if I can’t afford it next time then I might pay half instead etc!

Special schools usually have more support staff and the pay rises for support staff have hit schools hard. The running cost of a pool must be high.

Funding for SEND is woeful

the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in so obviously I do it to stop DD from being singled out.

This is not right.

I haven't read the rest and it doesn't matter, this really has to be stopped.

@HOTD7383 Yes, but in your case, the school will be struggling to heat & maintain their pool. and any contribution will be valued.

Give only what you can.

At one point we were on UC and my DD was in a school in a fairly affluent area .

requests for donations for raffles etc were common. School was great with my DD (with SEN) and I wanted to support but money very tight.

some mums were walking in with enormous boxes of chocolates or crates (I kid you not ) of Prosecco and Champaign etc… they had husbands with city jobs and lived in massive houses etc - money was genuinely no object to them.

My DD took in a little box of chocs from Poundland or home bargains etc - if wine, would be under a fiver from Asda.

Give what you can and if you can’t - tell them. They shouldn’t discriminate against your child. They knew money was tight as we had free school meals etc.

If £60 is too much, but you feel able to contribute a bit just send in £20 or whatever is achievable to you.

The one thing I could give the school was my time - so I would go in and listen to readers or help with trips or help in the library . Just as important as money and very appreciated by them.

Don’t feel bad if you can’t meet all the requests. You won’t be the first nor last to be finding money hard to find with cost of living etc.

I think a letter to the Head about "excessive expectations" and "punitive practices" wouldn't go amiss.

OP, I'm a teacher and have just run a charity money raising thing. The donations ranged between over £100 and 20p. I honestly can't remember who gave what. Every child who gave something was rewarded. Please don't worry about the teachers reacting badly to you. And don't make your financial life difficult for it.

Do let them know that they're going overboard with the reminders and pressure, though. That's too much, and if you feel worried by it then there will be others who do to. The school is under a lot of pressure because of the current funding situation.

Do you all honestly think that schools want to or have the time to spend pleading with parents to help with fundraising by supporting raffles etc!
Last year we had no more money for pencils and the same will happen this year. Children were sharing pencils, one wrote a sentence then passed the pencil on. Without parental support there is no way they’ll be able to keep the pool running.

What if they didn't pay anything, were they singled out? Some parents cannot afford to donate anything, the kids should not be punished for that

That doesn't take away from the fact that many many families simply don't have the resources to make these donations though

Maybe write to your MP about getting schools funded properly and copy the school in. You'd be very popular in our school if you did that.

As another OP said upthread there are other ways to give outside of monetary.

can you volunteer some time to the school to help with organising, reading trips etc?

The school really aren't going to say anything if on non-uniform day you don't send in a pound or whatever. You're trying to do the right thing but plenty of parents will simply forget the money (or prize), not have the cash, generally not be organised etc. I've never ever worked anywhere where even once every child has brought in a donation and I must have taught on dozens of charity days over the years.

The swimming pool I understand. It's rubbish but it will simply close if they can't fund it. Many schools have just completely closed their pools now because they cost too much to maintain. I was at a primary which paid for use of a secondary school pool for KS2 lessons. One day in the middle of a week it was announced the pool was closing as of the following day; they just could not afford it. The pool at my child's future school has had a floor put over it to make it into a classroom.

Go to M&S and ask them to donate a couple of bottles of wine and a box of chocolates. I don't know if they still do, but the floor managers used to have authority to give you about £25 quids worth of stuff just for asking.