DD’s school constantly wanting money and donations

[HOTD7383]

DD attends an SEN school. At least once or twice (sometimes three times) a month without fail the school will ask for donations to be sent in as prizes for their bingo nights, tombola prizes, etc. They often ask for boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine for this and the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in so obviously I do it to stop DD from being singled out. They also have started asking us to make a bigger contribution every term to contribute towards food tasting in the classroom and to use the school’s own swimming pool, I had to pay £60 before DD went back after Easter and it’s likely to be the same amount next term too (if not more). They say it’s a voluntary contribution but they put a lot of pressure by sending constant emails and sending letters home in DD’s journal if you don’t pay it.

It just feels like I’m constantly paying out to the school and it’s just costing too much money, especially when I don’t work at the moment due to my own health issues and being a carer for DD. AIBU to think the school are taking the mick and to maybe email them about this? A lot of the parents are in the same situation as me and don’t work due to being carer’s for at least one disabled child so I can’t imagine that I’m the only one feeling like this.

Edited to add - the classes are smaller in SEN schools, for example DD has 10 children in her class but even still, £600 for some biscuits every week and to use their own swimming pool sound’s extortionate!

@HOTD7383 My DS is indeed at a specialist school. His is SEMH and mainly secondary and there are many children in care. Being in care is likely a cause not a consequence of their SEN.

My friends both have secondary aged children at our local LEA MLD school and they have classmates who are in kinship care. It is not as common at that school. But it happens.

And my other friend's daughter was at an LEA PMLD school and they could not get parent governors due to the number of children in foster care. There, it was indeed often due to the children's severe needs meaning the family couldn't cope full or part time.

Pools are really expensive to heat and run. And it sounds like at an SEN school that's really important. But as others have said, this isn't on you. You can't afford it. I think you should email the school and let them know.

I was a teacher and my school used to charge £2 for non uniform or Pudsey Bear or Red Nose day or various other days. Staff were put under considerable pressure by Headteacher to collect all money. I felt terrible asking some students who I know were poor for £2 all the time. I just asked once then paid the missing money in myself to cover those kids who's parents didn't pay. I know my friend in another class did this too. Unless you get a teacher who pays on behalf of child it will be noticed if a child arrives in their own clothing and doesn't pay. I've seen DC told off and pestered for the money on a daily basis. Don't put your DC in that position.

But staff are pressured into raising the missing money with DC on a daily basis. It doesn't stop after once or twice.

I agree. I foster a DC and he has SEND. He was put at the top of the queue for a place in a special school. In fact we got a choice of 2 special schools about 13 miles apart. I don't see how this is relevant to post though. I always sent in whatever school asked for. I also volunteered with swimming as I'm not only a qualified teacher myself but also a qualified swim teacher. I had to do yet another DBS to do it.

I'm not going to my children's school's Xmas fair again, the amount of money you need to get every kid a little something is ridiculous for a school in a low income area.

There are no 50p-£1 cornflake and butterfly cakes - just a professional baker selling £3.00 cupcakes. There's no cups of tea from an urn and some custard creams, just expensive food vans and an expensive "proper coffee" van.

There's no bric a brac, but usborne books and brand new toys getting sold at full whack.

You can buy things your kid has made in class for £2-4 - the teacher will call you over to the stall to do so, and if you don't attend the Xmas fair the teacher will give you the hard sell for it at pick up time in front of your child.

My mum didn't have to pay for my bog roll Xmas tree angel when I was a nipper!

It IS distressing, and I have children who have been in that position, and have complained to schools about it. I also have family who wore the yellow star, and there is NO COMPARISON at all - the two situations are universes apart.

A child who can't donate to whatever is at slight risk of some minor embarrassment while continuing with their day to day education

A child wearing a yellow star was likely to have all education and medical services withdrawn entirely, or watch the individuals who tried to continue to teach or treat them being publicly shot.

and the children wearing stars would be at daily risk of hunger, violence, arbitrary shooting, bereavement, homelessness, torture, imprisonment and for many, eventual death.

Children who wore the yellow star 70 years ago have still carry physical scars today, as well as memories of the horrendous deaths of loved ones that didn't survive. I have relatives who had a limbs severed without aesthetic. For experimental reasons. Only one survived, and she lives without the limb, and the memories of her siblings bleeding and dying in the days after.

I don't really see how this can be equated with having to wear school uniform on a day when others don't. Particularly as it is not likely to be enforced, and particularly as there will likely be others who choose to , anyway.

I get that you didn't mean to be offensive. But actually, in my heart, I don't really get it. I don't see how anyone can equate these two things, angry as I was at my son's school for a system that publicly singled him out as an individual that could not donate one day. He's forgotten it I think. He was mildly annoyed on the day. My aunt has been crippled and traumatised and bereaved for life. That is what the yellow star meant.

What your school was doing was unlawful. Stop telling parents off for using the schools the way they are supposed to be used.

Thankfully as a teacher I've never experienced this. It is hopefully quite unusual. In fact, in recent years all schools I'm aware of are pretty good at being aware of limiting charity days because of the CoL crisis.

I experienced this before COVID and CoL crisis but it was awful. Many staff dreaded these charity days as we knew many parents simply could not afford it particularly if they had 3 DC in the same school but would be asked for 3 lots of donations. Several staff suggested one donation per family by HT was having none of it. She was even more pushy for raffle donations for the Summer and Xmas Fayre.

£60 is excessive, don’t pay it . Schools are not allowed to ask for money that’s why they word it voluntary contribution, therefore it’s not compulsory . If they treat your child differently because you don’t contribute to every request write to the governors/council or MP .

My kids school (not SEN) do this too but I just don't send things in and tell them I can't afford to and I still send them in non uniform they're not gonna send them home because I failed to donate, it's not fair on children that rule of no donation=no non uniform and I really disagree that children should be punished because they aren't in a position to donate

I had a an ultra-religious* HT who kept haranguing children for donations. (I'm not exaggerating - would complain during assemblies that not enough money had come in.)

I was a middle manager at the time and had to keep reminding him that our school was in an area with multiple indicators of deprivation. Nothing seemed to get through his thick skull.

Fortunately, he's no longer an HT.

*Relevant because he seemed to think that he was doing God's work.