DD’s school constantly wanting money and donations

[HOTD7383]

DD attends an SEN school. At least once or twice (sometimes three times) a month without fail the school will ask for donations to be sent in as prizes for their bingo nights, tombola prizes, etc. They often ask for boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine for this and the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in so obviously I do it to stop DD from being singled out. They also have started asking us to make a bigger contribution every term to contribute towards food tasting in the classroom and to use the school’s own swimming pool, I had to pay £60 before DD went back after Easter and it’s likely to be the same amount next term too (if not more). They say it’s a voluntary contribution but they put a lot of pressure by sending constant emails and sending letters home in DD’s journal if you don’t pay it.

It just feels like I’m constantly paying out to the school and it’s just costing too much money, especially when I don’t work at the moment due to my own health issues and being a carer for DD. AIBU to think the school are taking the mick and to maybe email them about this? A lot of the parents are in the same situation as me and don’t work due to being carer’s for at least one disabled child so I can’t imagine that I’m the only one feeling like this.

Edited to add - the classes are smaller in SEN schools, for example DD has 10 children in her class but even still, £600 for some biscuits every week and to use their own swimming pool sound’s extortionate!

That' really dreadful

'the children aren’t allowed to wear their own clothes in school that day if they don’t bring anything in'

Isn't that a bit like having to wear yellow star' ?... 😱

I'm a (mostly retired) teacher. I had a Headteacher that I couldn't stand...but one thing I agreed with was that he banned non-uniform days.

At our school, children were previously required to pay a pound for those. Some parents, quite rightly, told the school to stick it. We were in an area with "multiple indicators of deprivation".

Pools cost a lot of money to run.

I do sympathise with you. Pay what you can, or don't pay at all.

But don't blame the school. They're trying to give your child the best experience they can and whilst they might not always get it right, it's not their fault they are not given enough money to do the job properly.

That really surprises me about a specialist school as often there is a significant proportion of children who are in care.

Where on earth did you magic that information up from? 😂 DD has always been at specialist schools and we’ve never come across one child that’s in care. What nonsense honestly. My mum works in a mainstream school and she’s come across multiple children in care, so maybe you should get those facts right before spreading false information about children with additional needs.

Thank you for all of the really helpful replies, I’ll definitely take them all onboard! Xx

You might not have children in care at your daughter's school. @drspouse evidently has a different experience.

The way they wrote it is that it applies to every SEN school. It’s quite frankly insulting to suggest that most children with additional needs are just slung into care and their parents can’t cope with them. What PP has put is total nonsense.

Absolutely this.

OP, just hop off the merry go round. Don't make any more contributions.

But first, research thoroughly, and if they are indeed strict in enforcing the 'pay to play' policy, write a scathing letter to the governors and the HT, and bcc your local MP.

Interruptions to routine are not optimal for SEN students.
Having children very obviously not wearing what everyone else is allowed to wear is cruel.

That's not what she was suggesting - you're miles wide of the mark here.

She said "often" not "every". And I believe she has children with additional needs herself.

Thank you. Agreed.

And? Why is that on the OP and/or other parents who genuinely cannot afford it? I don’t think you understand how tight money is when you’re a carer for DC and you’re not working because you spend so much time caring. I care for both of my DCs that have disabilities/additional needs, I work part time AND money is still tight.

Don’t give what you don’t have OP. I don’t think it’s fair that children will be punished and signaled out for having to wear school uniform. How mean is that

That’s not what I got from the pp comment at all

Give what you can but don't feel obliged.

Direct your anger towards the Conservatives who have let the state system become so badly funded.

Honestly ask your local free cycle site for items to donate my local one is lovely anything to stop things going to the tip or not being used. Especially if you have time to go and collect the items.

Make the school aware that you will always be a member of their community and will give what you can but it will ebb and flow with life pressures

You could always try a fundraising event to help raise money and get involved with the organizing if that's something you could do

That's not a bad shout. Supermarkets too. We used to canvas for prizes for girl guides fundraisers and lots of places were happy to donate a box of chocs or bottle of wine.

Where on earth did you magic that information up from? 😂 DD has always been at specialist schools and we’ve never come across one child that’s in care. What nonsense honestly. My mum works in a mainstream school and she’s come across multiple children in care, so maybe you should get those facts right before spreading false information about children with additional needs.

Children in care are often put to the front of the queue for a space in a specialist school. Same with actually getting a diagnosis, children in care do not have to wait like others and are prioritised. So there does seem to be larger numbers of them than not.

It's such a shame schools have to fundraise for ordinary things 😢 but sadly it's the way their budgets are. Dont feel obligated to have to donate, like you say many parents are probably in the position of not working/working PT to care for their children. Sadly not unlimited funds.
Luckily, our school doesn't accept alcohol and it's quite a large mainstream primary with a great SEN provision. Many of the affluent parents make up the donations on behalf of the poorer families.

"It's such a shame schools have to fundraise for ordinary things..."

I hardly think the school's own on-site swimming pool is an ordinary thing @bows101

Very, very few schools even have such a privileged facility.

if they can't afford to run the pool, then drain it and close it down.

It's not essential for education.

If it’s a state school then it is unlawful for the school to charge you (via the requirement for a donation) for your child to take part in a school day activity that other students have access to. So you can just refuse to send anything in, including for non-uniform days.

The only things schools can charge you for in school time are music lessons if you request them and the materials for an activity where you have indicated that you wish your child to bring home whatever they make during it (if you do not want them to bring home their glitter picture/chocolate chip cookies/badly painted mug/etc. the school must pay for the materials and still let them participate the same as child who has paid for the materials).

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5af99c8ae5274a25e78bbe30/Charging_for_school_activities.pdf

dont be ridiculous - that is a really offensive thing to say

with regard to the fund raising, just ignore it. You can tell the school you can't afford to participate, so will be ignoring it, or you might choose not to do that. Up to you. I probably would contact then and say.

I'm sorry but it wasn't intended to be offensive, it is just that the school is publicly identifying a particular group of children for not providing a donation, which puts parents in a difficult position and is likely to be distressing for a child.