Aibu to think it’s weird if the male swimming instructor makes a comment about my daughter swimming very prettily?

[SENMum1985]

AIBU? Is this just okay as off the cuff remark or would other people find this strange?

I'd imagine it means like elegantly, delicately, that type of thing.

Did he mean neatly? If so then it was a poorly worded comment but probably harmless.

I guess he means neatly? Without splashing all over the place.

It wouldn't lead me to think that he's a danger to her, if that's what you're asking...? Maybe he couldn't find a better or more correct word in his brain. My vocab lets me down at times!

I don’t see a problem with that. Just means she was swimming nicely.

Thank you :)

I assumed it was more like her stokes were elegant and smooth?

Yes - in the context it means nice strokes. Probably good, neat technique. I agree elegant probably better word. Can’t possibly imagine it could mean anything sinister.

It's an odd turn of phrase, certainly. I wouldn't be assuming he's some kind of abuser, but it does come across as being a bit sexist. He wouldn't have used the same wording to comment on a boy's swimming, would he? A non-gendered descriptor would be better.

I would wonder what ark he had got off.

Do you mean commenting that her swim suit is pretty? How old is your dd? If she's very young and has a swimsuit with a design of some sort eg unicorns, mermaids etc... then I think commenting 'oh that's a pretty swimsuit, I love the unicorns' or similar is fine and I probably wouldn't question it. I'd just think it was a way of putting the child at ease by saying something nice.

If your dd is older, then I'd might be less comfortable. But would need more context to comment further.

Oh, I misread! You were talking about actual swimming! 🤦‍♀️ I'd take 'prettily' to mean gracefully probably.

I would assume it meant neat, elegant, nice technique rather than anything sinister.
Pretty does seem to be a word used more for girls though. I'd rather he used a less loaded word but wouldn't raise it as an issue.

I don't think it's anything to be worried about, but it is an odd choice. I doubt he tells the boys they swim prettily.

I'd take it as meaning it looks neat, tidy, correct etc.

We have a turn of phrase in my sport around x 'taking a pretty lesson" which means that they look good (ie technically correct) in a controlled situation but that doesn't always correlate to effectiveness.

Someone might also say that a tennis or badminton player has "pretty" shots eg forehand.

Neither of these contexts is exclusive to boys, girls, women or men, it's a comment on the aesthetics of their technique.

I agree with pp's and would assume he meant her stroke was neat and smooth. My DC are equally competent swimmers and could probably cover the same distance in similar times - one moves like a graceful swan, the other thrashes about like they are being attacked by a shark.

In terms of age, she is a developing ten year old.

I imagine he was just trying to use an age appropriate word particularly if he is young and likely to have no children of his own its hard to work out what language levels are when inexperienced. You can assume a child will get the gist from "prettily" rather than 'graceful' or 'streamlined'.

Edit, hmm a 10 year old Id expect to know those other words, unless she's the child with SEN your user name refers to if her SEN relates to language challenges.

I’d take it to mean neat and deft and economical with her movements.

Do girls have to swim prettily now? Maybe it wouldn’t bother me in some other sport, I don’t know, but so many girls drop out of swimming when they start periods because of the hassle. Do we really need to say anything else to make them feel different from the boys earlier on? Does he tell boys they’re swimming prettily?

I really hate the implication that it’s a compliment to swim prettily for girls but for boys he would say strong/powerfu/streamlined but she is a girl so the compliment is… pretty. I hate it. I’d have to say something. But I grew up a “Tom boy” and did a lot of rugby and other “male” sports and I remember the constant little comments and put downs about not being lady like or not looking pretty when covered in mud etc.

My ex MIL did pretty swimming.

Just really graceful and effortless.

Whereas I look like a bag of drowning cats.

@WarshipRocinante this is how I feel about this comment. Well put. I think sports instructors should be more mindful of language like this. I don't like labelling girls pretty in any way don't we aim higher for our girls these days.

It might just be an expression he uses to mean swimming with a nice technique.

I guess it's because it sounds like he wouldn't have said that about a boy?
Is his first language English? If not I'd say it's probably excusable but I would actually ask if he'd say that about a boy, in a half joking manner, to see what he says.

I guess he's a pedo. Cancel the swimming lessons. Lock him and and throw away the key 🙄