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Original poster

To think it’s rude not to wave your guests goodbye?

439 replies

Pastelbuttercream · 22/04/2024 06:22

I was brought up to always wave guests goodbye at the door and only shut the front door once they had driven off. This was the norm when I was growing up, everyone did it. If they were not parked near your house you’d walk to their car and wave them off there.

The amount of people who do not do this anymore surprises me. I always feel it’s rude but maybe I am out of touch?

If you don’t wave your guests off, why not? (besides having to close the door incase your toddler runs out, this I completely understand!)

Am I old fashioned? Is this not a thing anymore?

OP posts:
Pablova · 22/04/2024 10:34

VestibuleVirgin · 22/04/2024 06:47

Just drive around the corner, for heaven's sake. If your hosts are kind enough to be ensuring you get to your car and that it starts, so what? Do what you need to do to keep them happy (i.e., drive off), then stop and do all this admin and stuff you want to do

Show quote history

I really dislike being waved off, feel like I’m being rushed away.
So by your sentiment this is what you do, hurrying along your guest and not give them time / space to get organised for their journey.

As a guest I’m left feeling rushed and the host can’t wait to see the back of me.

it’s really weird and unnecessary.

FollowTheFuckingInstructions · 22/04/2024 10:34

I think I do this Blush

LoveBluey · 22/04/2024 10:35

toastofthetown · 22/04/2024 06:29

I hate it as a guest. I often get to my car and want to set up maps and choose a podcast or music to listen to for the way home. Maybe reply to some messages I haven’t answered because I’ve been visiting someone. But I can’t do that in my own time because someone is standing in the doorway waiting for me.

This! My MIL does it and I appreciate the sentiment but when I see her a couple of times a week and only live 10 minutes away I find it unnecessary and would rather get settled and respond to messages before setting off. But as she's stood there waiting I have to drive round the corner and park up!

5128gap · 22/04/2024 10:35

Yes, always the norm in my circles. If there's a reason on either side not to do it, you just say 'sorry I'm going to close the door in case child/dog runs out' or 'you go in, we'll be ages faffing about getting DC in'.

juniorspesh · 22/04/2024 10:36

My in-laws like to bimble about in the road, unpredictably sauntering in different directions near a moving car, waving and tapping the car as we drive off. Very relaxing.

I do think it's sweet when people toot their horn to say goodbye though!

Pinkdelight3 · 22/04/2024 10:39

anotherusernameforthis · 22/04/2024 10:30

I’ve always been told it is bad luck to wave people out of sight; means you’ll never see them again!

Woah, good horror film premise there! Not so good to instil that fear into a kid tho - must've made you think you had power over life and death!

Smokeysgirl · 22/04/2024 10:39

OMG I do this and I'm mid fifties, not 70s or 80s! I do it to everyone, I never realised it was not the done thing. I was brought up to do it and my mum, nana etc all did it. I feel really embarrassed about it now.

Youdrivemecrazymagic · 22/04/2024 10:39

I always walk people to the door, and to the car if they need help carrying anything, but I don't stand and wait for them to leave in their car, I feel it puts pressure on them while they are sorting out the car/making sure all the kids are strapped in properly/faffing etc. I think it's politer to give them some space.

AlltheFs · 22/04/2024 10:44

We always do it in our family. I sometimes say not to wait if the weather is bad or I know I have faffing to do.
But yes otherwise it is the norm here, DD loves waving people off!

I don’t do it for absolutely everyone though. We live on a quiet tiny lane and a lot of people park further away as there’s no turning room. So we often just wave them off as they walk up the lane, but don’t walk to their car with them.

We didn’t do it when the kittens were little and not allowed out though as we had to keep the doors shut.

lurkylurk · 22/04/2024 10:46

I'm in my late 40s and I find it rude to just say goodbye and shut the door, but at the same time I recognise that once people have got in the car they may want to set up maps app, check messages, get kids settled, etc. etc. so I stand at the door until they're in the car, quick wave and then close the door, so they don't feel like they have to drive off that second.

If they're struggling getting the kids in I'll either help if appropriate or call a goodbye (they won't see a wave as looking at the kids) and then shut the door.

I think that means that I won't feel rude just shutting the door straight away but also they're not under pressure if they need to get stuff sorted first.

Gonners · 22/04/2024 10:50

My mother's vast family, all born in the 1910s/20s, used to do the waving from the end of the path thing and it always felt to me a bit like being "seen off the premises". I just tend to keep the door open until the visitor has gone through the front gate (about 10 paces, depending on inside-leg measurement) and then go in.

crostini · 22/04/2024 10:58

Aw yeah everyone in my family does this, but I don't think I'd do it with local friends. And I wouldn't walk to car if a distance away. But yeah family and relatives everyone has always stood on the doorstep and waved until we literally can't see each other anymore Grin

Rumpunch1 · 22/04/2024 11:01

Smokeysgirl · 22/04/2024 10:39

OMG I do this and I'm mid fifties, not 70s or 80s! I do it to everyone, I never realised it was not the done thing. I was brought up to do it and my mum, nana etc all did it. I feel really embarrassed about it now.

Yes me too!...... but a bit older! However, if my guests say to go in I will do so, but it feels strange. Rather like.....thanks for coming and thanks for going!
I also was taught that if you drop somebody off after giving them a lift you should wait to see that they get in their house ok before driving off.

Rainydayinlondon · 22/04/2024 11:01

We’re even worse… if guests come by train, we take them to the station, ask the guard to let us onto the platform and then when the train starts to move, run alongside the train waving and laughing 😆

Tarteline843 · 22/04/2024 11:03

ChampagneLassie · 22/04/2024 10:19

Ah gawd my godmother does this and I hate it. I want to check my phone maybe send a message or two, perhaps have a drink or snack before I drive off none of which I can do with her watching! So I have to quickly drive off and park round the corner. What benefit is there to anyone of doing this? Say bye inside at door and let them go!

We always wave people off in my family. It’s so ingrained that I feel guilty shutting the door on a tradesman and their van.

For those who hate being waved off, can’t you just say “please don’t wait, it’s so kind of you but I have to set up my gps etc” and say goodby then and there?

towhomitmayconcern · 22/04/2024 11:04

God I hate it when people stand there for ever waiting for you to pull off the driveway. As I'm a normal, polite person, I tend not to use my phone when I'm spending time with someone, so when I get back in the car I generally like to check my phone, reply to anything I need to, generally faff about a bit. Obviously that has to be done before I drive away. It's really annoying when people stand there staring at you while you're trying to get sorted.

LizardOfOz · 22/04/2024 11:06

I hate being waved off. I want to get the kids into the car ( which sometimes takes AGES) organize myself. Take off/put on an extra layer, check the traffic on GPS, find my water, do I have a tissue etc
Someone standing there watching makes me anxious and annoyed.

My aunt stood to wave me off the first time we went somewhere with DC. (Small baby). I said please don't stand and watch us leave, we'll be a while. She insisted. We had to drive off and stop just out of sight to organize ourselves. So stressful

Alittlefrustrated · 22/04/2024 11:07

My family always do this - though I do remember leaving my toddler at my mother's, with aunties and nieces there also, and lowering my window to wave, only to find no one at window or door. My status had obviously dropped, and DS was star of the show 🤣 It was unusual enough for me to still remember.

honeyfox · 22/04/2024 11:12

It would be common enough in Ireland, I've always done it and I'm not ancient! My dad still stands at the door and waves us off, it makes me tear up.

It's mainly done though for people who would have travelled a bit to visit you. Where i live now, in a big town, we would wave people to their car and then go back in the house and let them get set up for their journey.

ManchesterGirl2 · 22/04/2024 11:16

toastofthetown · 22/04/2024 06:29

I hate it as a guest. I often get to my car and want to set up maps and choose a podcast or music to listen to for the way home. Maybe reply to some messages I haven’t answered because I’ve been visiting someone. But I can’t do that in my own time because someone is standing in the doorway waiting for me.

Agree with this. Its stressful if people are waiting for you to drive off!

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 22/04/2024 11:16

I was brought up to always wave guests goodbye at the door and only shut the front door once they had driven off. This was the norm when I was growing up, everyone did it. If they were not parked near your house you’d walk to their car and wave them off there.

I hate hate HATE this!! I need to concentrate on getting out of the parking space for one thing, and don't want to be distracted by worrying they're judging me. The tension while you're waiting for the last shouts of 'Goodbye! Take care! Drive safely! Message when you get there! Bye!' is too cringingly awkward.

NoLostCause · 22/04/2024 11:18

I hate it when people do this. It takes a while to get everything sorted ready to drive off, especially if you've got a long drive ahead and need to sort out sat nav/audio book/snacks/kids. I feel under too much pressure with someone waiting expectantly for me to leave so they can shut the door and it's irritating having to leave before I'm ready and then have to stop again once I'm out of sight.

AsIfIWish · 22/04/2024 11:18

I would ALWAYS say goodbye at the door (I think it's rude not to show guests out!) but then close the door as they walk off. Definitely wouldn't wave off in the car or anything.

An exception to this is when people have travelled a long way and I don't see them very often - we usually hang about/help them get ready to leave and then wave them off until they're out of sight. (But would never rush them or anything.)

ManchesterGirl2 · 22/04/2024 11:22

VestibuleVirgin · 22/04/2024 06:47

Just drive around the corner, for heaven's sake. If your hosts are kind enough to be ensuring you get to your car and that it starts, so what? Do what you need to do to keep them happy (i.e., drive off), then stop and do all this admin and stuff you want to do

Show quote history

Then you have to find another place to park (not easy in many places). And start your car a second time, which isn't great for the engine.

It's no big deal, but its more annoying than a kindness. If for some reason there was a problem with my car I could always go back and knock on their door.

Greywitch2 · 22/04/2024 11:23

valjane · 22/04/2024 06:52

Gosh I do this and I'm in my 50s. I was brought up to believe it was the polite thing to do and it feels rude not to. Never in a million years would I have realised that people are offended or annoyed by it. Or that I'm old fashioned. I've definitely learned something new this morning!

Me too. I always wave guests off.

We were taught to do this, along with answering the phone with the words 'Sheffield 2398' (for eg) so that the caller knew they'd reached the correct number. We washed our hands before a meal. Waited until everyone was served to begin. Waited until after everyone was finished before saying, 'Please may I get down?' Said, 'Thank you for having me,' every time we went to someone else's house. Called their parents 'Mr and Mrs Jones'. I didn't grow up in anything other than a very ordinary home.

There are so many things that were drummed into us as kids as being the polite and courteous thing to do; there was an accepted way to behave. It's probably why I find a lot of younger people pretty rude about the 'basics' nowadays.