Childcare set up

[CocaCola445]

I am set to finish maternity leave in two months time, by which point baby will be 11 months old. Both my dh and I work full time, looking for opinions on how realistic / practical our childcare set up is.

We plan to both condense hours at work meaning we work 8-6 four days a week (I will finish about 3pm on Friday) with one day off each, dh off on Friday and myself off on Mondays.

This would leave three days to cover for childcare. Our plan is for ds to go to nursery on Tuesdays, this will be a long day from 7.45am - 6.15pm with dh picking up. Then on Wednesday for ds to be dropped at my parents in the morning and stay there until after we finish work on Thursday so staying overnight.

My parents are besotted with him and would happily take on more than this. I think this will also be a good opportunity for dh and I to spend some quality time together during what will be a busy week.

AIBU to think this a great set up and will allow us to maximise quality time with ds, have him spend plenty of time with his grandparents whilst reducing cost of childcare for us?

Sounds pretty ideal to me, nice you each get a day with DS and it must be very cheap 😂 obviously consider how you will manage will DS illness or illness of your parents, or if your parents find it harder work than they can manage, or they’re away.

You’ll get people that will say it won’t work, but I had a friend who did almost exactly this and it worked really well!

Dont underestimate two things:

1. how much you will miss them on that night! You’ll adapt but it will be a shock

2. how often grandparents get wiped out by the nursery bugs. My parents get ill much more than I do and seems to be worse for them too

1 day at nursery will make it very hard for that age to settle in my experience. You are coming up to peak separation anxiety period and 1 day a week at a setting can exacerbate that. They forget about the place from 1 week to the next.

I imagine this is the kind of set up most people dream of! Currently having to pay for 4 days of childcare on an 80% salary (not allowed to condense my hours) so am very jealous!

1 day at nursery will make it really hard for him to settle as it’s too infrequently to bond with the staff and learn their routine. I’m surprised a nursery is actually willing to do it, I’ve never come across one that will anyway!

Most nurseries have a minimum of two days.

I'd book him in nursery for another half day, that way he settles in nursery quicker (1 day a week isn't enough as the gap in between means he'll forget he's been there) and the grandparents get a bit of a break too.

That sounds like perfection tbh, cheap and no bedtime one night and you can go for dinner etc. your parents are amazing!

I also think that one day at nursery might not be ideal. What's the back-up plan if your mum and dad go away on holiday, or are ill?

Many nurseries do operate a 2 day policy. So maybe you parents could collect from nursery have the baby overnight and do the following day.

Have both your work places agreed to this flexible working?

I think it depends on your baby, it could be the dream. Or it could be really stressful for your baby, one very long day at nursery is harder for babies than several short ones, and then still tired they will learn they go to GPs the next morning and don’t get to come home. Only you can guess which way it will go for your baby though

Being besotted with grand-parenting a nine month old, and being physically and mentally capable of sole care of say a walking, nap dropping, tantrumming, constantly ill from nursery eighteen month old, for 36 hours straight, every single week, are two very different things. It’s a big commitment for your parents - mine were 60 when my oldest was born and they found a whole day with him as a toddler absolutely exhausting, never mind two days and an overnight!

Not saying don’t do it, but I would have a plan B.

Edit - why are you finishing work early on a DH day, not what is a very long nursery day?

Alot of nurseries require 2 days as a minimum so you might want to check that out. Plus not sure why you wouldn’t finish at 3pm on a day both you and your DH are working. Otherwise, sounds great!

Have you contacted or visited any nurseries? Where I live there are long waiting lists and most nurseries insist on 2 days a week minimum. If you're due to go back to work in 2 months, it is actually pretty late to be sorting childcare.

I think you should do 2 days at nursery and 1 day with grandparents. Then if baby is not well enough for nursery (happens a lot to begin with) you could ask grandparents to do extra days. Once everything has settled down you could then add in some overnight childcare but personally I'd make it the weekend ie Friday or Saturday night so you can enjoy a lie in the next morning (rather than having to get up for work) and also see your child before and after the sleepover.

I wouldn't want to be apart from my child for 36 straight hours every week (which is what would happen in the scenario you're proposing).

How old are your parents?. And have they cared for him overnight before? Loving him and wanting to care for him can be very different from doing it in practice every week for two days including an overnight stay.
It might work and it will mean he has a lovely bond with his grandparents but it will be much more tiring for your parents than they realise. I say that as a doting grandparent!

1 day at nursery is not enough. It won't allow them to get into the routine. Many settings won't allow it.

Personally I'd go for a 9/10 day fortnight, to give you more time in the evenings as a family.

For me it all depends on what kind of sleeper he is. Mine doesn't sleep through the night so I wouldn't feel comfortable asking anyone else to have her overnight yet.
I don't think one day at nursery will be a problem once he's used to it, as long as he does settle sessions that are more frequent at first. Mine only does 2 days and she's fine.

As others have said, lots of nurseries don’t accept children for one day a week as it’s quite unsettling for them, it’s normally a minimum of 2 days.

7.45- 6.15 is such a long day for a little one at nursery, most nurseries I’ve worked in are open 8am-6pm. I’d have my early finish on a nursery day rather than a day that dad or grandparents have your lo.

My MIL did something similar with my niece. It worked brilliantly - until niece was a very active toddler and then it was just too exhausting.

It's great that your parents are so besotted with your baby that they want to care for them for 2 long days. But be prepared to allow this plan to change over time. As a minimum I would suggest making your short day the Thursday so you can pick DS up earlier.

I found a lot of nurseries and even childminders said the child needs to go for minimum 2 days

I'm not someone that has never been separated from their dc; I have used fulltime childcare (9-5) and my dc go to family for sleepovers so that me and dh get the odd weekend away but I couldn't have my baby away one night every week.

How far away do your parents live? Does he need to stay overnight?

If your parents would happily do more can't they just have him for the three days? One super long day at nursery will be miserable for him as he won't be used to it, he'll be knackered and will barely remember it from one week to the next. Or two days at nursery instead?

Would this still work if one of your parents became unwell? I am only asking because my Mum was my sister's childcare and then was diagnosed with cancer. That meant not only was she unable to look after my sister's children but didn't want them in the house either ie my Dad look after them. Sadly she died within a short time and then my Dad did take over with the children but by then my sister's youngest was mid primary. My parents had done childcare since they were 12 weeks old.

But my Mum died aged 62. Was fit as a fiddle before the diagnosis. So be prepared for 3 days in nursery as a default if anything goes wrong. Looking after a baby is exhausting when you are older so be prepared for things to change and they may find that being tied down 2 days a week is too much.

Lots of nurseries have a 2 day minimum policy but you might be able to get one that does 1 day.

I would personally do nursery Tuesday and Wednesday then overnight at your parents and they have him Thursday. I only say this as your parents will want holidays/there might be sickness and you will only need to sort one days childcare instead of 2.

They may also be keen now but a few months down the line that could change.

Children also tend to do better going to nursery more than once a week.