Childcare set up

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I am set to finish maternity leave in two months time, by which point baby will be 11 months old. Both my dh and I work full time, looking for opinions on how realistic / practical our childcare set up is.

We plan to both condense hours at work meaning we work 8-6 four days a week (I will finish about 3pm on Friday) with one day off each, dh off on Friday and myself off on Mondays.

This would leave three days to cover for childcare. Our plan is for ds to go to nursery on Tuesdays, this will be a long day from 7.45am - 6.15pm with dh picking up. Then on Wednesday for ds to be dropped at my parents in the morning and stay there until after we finish work on Thursday so staying overnight.

My parents are besotted with him and would happily take on more than this. I think this will also be a good opportunity for dh and I to spend some quality time together during what will be a busy week.

AIBU to think this a great set up and will allow us to maximise quality time with ds, have him spend plenty of time with his grandparents whilst reducing cost of childcare for us?

The things that I would worry about here would be:

How your baby sleeps - I don't think it's reasonable for grandparents to have to deal with night wakings and older people generally struggle more with lack of sleep (obviously it's Mumsnet so your parents are probably running marathons and cross country skiing at 75 so this may not apply to you)

How you would feel in practice about being away from your child for that much time every week - some people would find it harder in practice than in theory

How you and your DH would feel in practice about effectively having your parents as primary care givers alongside you - if you all get on brilliantly, it might be fine but it can lead to resentment and arguments

One day of nursery a week may be difficult to settle

How reliable your parents would be

I knew someone that did this for a while but she hated being away from the baby overnight, so she ended up giving up work after a couple of months.

If you go back in 2 months, have you already found a nursery who have said they’ll do just one day and have a space?

As already said by others, that's a really long day to be in Nursery - why can't you make your 3pm finish day the Nursery day ?
it is a waste of resources both of you being free after 3pm on a Friday to look after your child.

And 2 full days with an over nighter is an awful lot for other people to look after your child even if they are adoring grandparents.

Why not let them have him on Tuesdays and Thursday for the day, and he goes to Nursery on Wednesday and you pick him up at 3pm ?

What's your rationale behind finishing early on Friday? That doesn't seem to have any obvious benefits

I think your little one will struggle to settle at nursery only going one day a week. Our nursery has a minimum of two days. Plus there's super long waiting lists for nurseries at the minute with the extension of the free hours. Also, just ensure you have a plan if your parents are unwell or go away

Do you have a place at a nursery that opens until 6.15? That would be unusually late here, many finish at 5.30 and I don't know any that run later than 6.

A friend did the grandparents drop off thing and lasted a month- she didn't like baby being away overnight and GPS didn't stick to her routine enough so it caused upset.

This, I would do 2 days a week at nursery and one of DGP care. If you do it that way it is more likely the nursery can pick up the other day if when the GPs can't do it.

I wondered that. If Friday is a company-wide early closing day, and not something the OP can move, I’d make that day the nursery day!

If the flexi working or nursery hasn’t already been arranged by now, though-I’m thinking the OP might struggle to find a setting!

1 day a week will take ages to settle in and a full 48 hours of babysitting is a lot to ask or expect from parents, so no, I wouldn't do this. Grandparents can be a good fall back, not a good idea to fully rely on them, imo.

Worth checking if your local nursery will allow this. I know all the nurseries in my area (Northamptonshire) have a minimum of two days to per week. I'd also say little one would find it very hard to settle properly with only one day per week.

I think nursery on Tuesday and Thursday or Tuesday and Wednesday and grandparents for the other day with no overnight is a much better plan.

Our nursery was a minimum of two days when dc went. I think 1 day isn't enough to build familiarity. Your parents may also find it a lot more tiring than they thought, what would your plans be then?

OP in my area nurseries do a minimum of 2 sessions so 1 day a week would be fine. I do agree about the settling though, my DS has been at nursery almost 18 months doing 2 days a week and drop off are still a nightmare (he is fine once he's there though, he doesn't want to leave at pick up!). I would look into 2 days though, could you do Tuesday/Wednesday and your parents pick up from nursery on the Wednesday to have overnight?

Another one echoing PPs about 1 day in nursery being hard to settle for (and thats a really long day in nursery!!) Bear in mind from 7am tues until 6pm thurs your little one will hardly see you... might be a struggle for you all? 😕

You might find it hard to be away from your child that length of time.
I work full time, so I'm not saying that as someone who spends every waking moment with their kids. But I couldn't not see them in the mornings and evenings. So just be certain you think you can.

It sounds like a good plan.

Have you got your nursery lined up and a space reserved? Where I live you'd have to have this sorted before your child is born.
The nursery is also likely to have a minimum of 2 days to be booked, otherwise it's not profitable for them with the admin for a 1 day child.

What's your plan when your parents are ill or holiday?

Don't underestimate how tiring condensing your hours at work can be when you've got small children.

What's the plan for when your parents want to go away? I know friends who rely a lot on grandparents for childcare end up using all their annual leave to cover grandparent holidays, and never really get one of their own unless they go away at the same time.

I could have written exactly this!!! Nollie12 So true

Too much upheaval imo- one day at nursery will be difficult for him to settle and I couldn’t be without my baby one night every single week

Btw a lot of Nurserys won’t accept one day! Minimum in my area is two full days

Have you found a nursery willing to take him just the one day? Most won’t and it will be really hard for him to settle.

You need a back up plan for if your parents are ill or decide it’s too much work.

I think it sounds lovely. I have friends who do similar, except the grandparents come to their house for the overnight, rather than the little one going to them. I do agree about the one day at nursery though. That might be hard to find, and hard to settle to. Could the baby also do Wed or Thurs morning at the nursery? Or how about if with grandparents Wednesday and Granparents take to nursery on Thursday, for you to pick up? It could be just Thursday afternoon?

Just a word of warning from a nursery worker: 1 day a week is very very hard on your baby. It makes settling in very difficult and a really long process. In fact, most nurseries won't sell less than 2 days for this very reason. Plus, bugs froM nursery hitting elderly grandparents hard could mean big chunks of no childcare.

New post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5059527-re-my-parents-and-childcare?reply=134708326 from a poster whose fit and active parents are finding the reality of looking after young children more hard work than they expected.

That’s my post. I love that I got flamed for my parents doing one day a week and that was way too much and I was unreasonable but OP is praised for getting more.