Childcare set up

[CocaCola445]

I am set to finish maternity leave in two months time, by which point baby will be 11 months old. Both my dh and I work full time, looking for opinions on how realistic / practical our childcare set up is.

We plan to both condense hours at work meaning we work 8-6 four days a week (I will finish about 3pm on Friday) with one day off each, dh off on Friday and myself off on Mondays.

This would leave three days to cover for childcare. Our plan is for ds to go to nursery on Tuesdays, this will be a long day from 7.45am - 6.15pm with dh picking up. Then on Wednesday for ds to be dropped at my parents in the morning and stay there until after we finish work on Thursday so staying overnight.

My parents are besotted with him and would happily take on more than this. I think this will also be a good opportunity for dh and I to spend some quality time together during what will be a busy week.

AIBU to think this a great set up and will allow us to maximise quality time with ds, have him spend plenty of time with his grandparents whilst reducing cost of childcare for us?

All you can do is try it. The downsides are that dc might take longer to settle into nursery and how your parents cope with childcare.

I wouldn't rely on regular GP care.
As time goes on you'll be so beholden. You won't think so now.
I've seen it time and time again.
Agree one day at nursery is not enough for the child from week to week.

Generally it's better for children to have more than one day of nursery per week. They settle more easily if it's 2-3 days. Many nurseries require at least two days. Also, does yours open that early and until that late?

I wouldn't have wanted my baby to be away from me overnight. But maybe it works well in your family.

Having my baby away from me for one night per week just would not have worked for me. It may do for you.

Would it be an option instead to have your baby in nursery three days per week, and your parents pick up around 3pm (or even midday) on two days and take your child to the park until you come home from work? And the third day you make that day your early finish day and pick up yourself at 3pm?

I think this would be kinder to DC in terms of settling at nursery and getting all the benefits of nursery, kinder on both you and DC in terms of not having so many nights apart, and more future-proof because two days in a row with DC including overnight might be fine now for your parents but much more demanding when DC becomes a toddler. And you are better covered in case of illness as your DC could stay longer at nursery if your parents were unavailable.

At your child's current age, you can make them do anything really, but in a year or so you will have a much more opinionated toddler. What if they don't want to be away from you overnight - but then your nursery might no longer have availability to increase their days.

I agree with others that 1 nursery day per week could be hard to settle. Some nurseries also don’t allow this. I’d save occasional gp overnights for weekends when you can really enjoy time with your DH rather than an exhausted midweek post work night.

Agree with PPs that 2 days is too much for grandparents and a split in the other direction would work better. I have GP help but it can be unreliable at times with holidays / illnesses / other plans and it's much harder to rearrange childcare for 2 days that week than 1. And it sounds, dare I say it, a little cold of you to offload the child on GPs one night a week to have quality time with your partner. They're still very very young.

there've been lots of notes of caution but, it may well work for you -

One thing I've not seen mentioned much is, in my experience there's no such thing as free childcare.

Childcare always comes with strings attached. With grandparents one string is they can get too involved and start giving you guidance or expressing opinions. This may come from a loving place and may even be welcome at first but after a while can end up being judgemental and causing problems.

Being a parent is hard - there's often no clear right or wrong way and you will inevitably make mistakes. It can be hard enough with mum and dad, negotiating common approaches, allowing some differences and allowing and accepting the other parent to make mistakes. When grandparents get heavily involved how will you and especially DH cope with this almost inevitable conflict. You may be happy disagreeing with your parents about how to treat your son, and they may be willing to give you some space to do your own thing, but will they let your husband do his thing, and how will you cope if he disagrees with your mum?

The first 9 months is insanely hard but as you return to work you'll both probably still be getting more and more rundown, tired, and irritable. For my kids the childcare got easier but the cumulative effect seemed to still build until ~18 months.