AIBU - city break with kids

[citybreakaway]

We took the kids away for a city break over Easter. DH is still mad at me over a few things. I don't think IABU here but would be good to know if others agree with DH and I am wrong.

• Kids had breakfast at airbnb in the morning around 8am. At 9am we were out in the city. I went into a coffee shop to grab coffee for me and DH. Came out of the shop to DH (who was on the phone) and he was upset that I didn't buy DC a doughnut or sausage roll in the shop. Said it was terrible that I bought coffee and nothing for DC. He then tried to take DC into shop to buy them something and DC said no because they didn't want anything!

• I planned an itinerary for the few days based on what everyone wanted to do. I asked them in advance what they would like to see/do, booked and paid for things and worked out the best way to fit everything in. Kids and DH picked (some expensive and some free) attractions that they wanted to see and I made sure we got to see/do everything. There was one attraction I really wanted to see. We got there, everyone was amazed.

There was a 30 minute 'show' there that I wanted to see. DH went on the phone (again) and DC started playing up, I went down to youngest DC (age 4) level and said 'please be good. This is the one thing I wanted to see here, we are also doing the things you want to do, please don't ruin this for me'. DH hates me for this, keeps bringing it up and saying I am selfish and make everything about me.

• Older DC (age 10) farted in a small Tesco Express and I told him that was rude and he should not have let one off inside a small shop where people were buying food.

• Getting dinner one night, I accidentally put the wrong card into a machine and the reader said 'declined'. Over my shoulder, 10 year old read out 'DECLINED' really loudly for everyone in the shop to hear. I told DS that he should not have done this.

• Younger DS wanted to get some felt tip pens in a shop. I said no as he didn't need them in this foreign city where he had nothing to colour in anyway. DH bought them for him.

So weeks later, DH is still angry at me for all of the above, calling me selfish all the time and saying I make everything about me.
DC have no issue with me. I always talk everything through with them and make sure that when they go to bed at night they are happy, know I am not cross at them for any reason - they aren't upset or scarred by these things.

Please tell me, am I wrong here?

Sounds like the sort of things that happen over a busy city weekend, your husband being angry is the problem. To be angry weeks later is completely unacceptable.

IMO you have a DH problem. You organised the weekends events and he couldn't even sort out the DC while you did the one thing you really wanted to. That says a lot.

I'd have not been bothered by the DC reading aloud declined. I mean who cares. And if I did I'd have spoken to them later to explain why. And I'd have suggested to DH to buy a pad for doodles if buying pens for DC.

DH being angry weeks later is weird. I get why you were annoyed about the show and I don't think DH should have made a scene about the coffee. I'd personally have found DS saying DECLINED funny. I think farting in a Tesco Express is OK, but I wouldn't do it in a Waitrose.

Your DH sounds exhausting. The only thing I think is a bit off is you telling the four year old not to ruin it for you; I think that's a bit much at four and I would have asked DH to deal with the four year old instead, which he should have done anyway, knowing it was the thing you were looking forward to. Everything else is your DH being argumentative for the sake of it.

Not in Waitrose 😂

YANBU - sounds like he’s just looking for things to row about or he wants to be mean to you.

id ignore it if he brings it up and do a few more things without him if he is so miserable. Plus tell him say what he really means.

So how much parenting and organising did DH do in respect of this holiday (and in fact generally) @citybreakaway

None of those things are particularly selfish or abnormal things to do.

even if you had done something selfish (and we are all allowed to be selfish sometimes, especially mothers of small children) then what does he expect to be the outcome of bringing it up repeatedly weeks later?

I think he is finding ways to make you doubt yourself, make you feel small, make you feel like you should be apologising to him. Making him the powerful grownup and you the confused, sad child in your relationship dynamic.

That is not a good relationship.

Has he always been like this? Has something changed recently?

Kids and city breaks is a no from me. But your DH sounds like an arse.

Well clearly he's an arse.

😂I clearly have this wrong then. I would have told DC not to fart in small size shops like Tesco express and that farting in bigger shops (which I presume Waitrose is?) is less disgusting 😂 thanks for the laugh

He paid for the flights and accommodation and some bits and pieces in the city which came to around €1,000.
I paid for the airport parking, the expensive attractions, the trains and public transport and food. I've also paid in full for our next holiday (which I hope DH doesn't come on now). This also came to around €1,000.

I am grateful for the money he spent but thats the extent of his 'organising'.

I think the same thing and that's why I am doubting myself and coming here to get some unbiased opinions.

You have a dh problem not a holiday problem.

He sounds horrible. None of those are big or even wrong things. Why would he be angry at all, let alone weeks later?

And his share of parenting @citybreakaway?

City breaks are generally great with DC.
We live in a very secluded area so when bringing the kids out on city breaks, they are totally in awe. Public transport is a novelty, they love seeing the buildings, walking through city streets, through parks, eating new foods etc and we have had some excellent city breaks with them. They walk and walk and walk and we make great memories.
I agree and think he has been overly difficult.

single parent here

i too had a city break with my two children

it was happy, chilled, relaxed, no arguments, no tension. And now just happy memories.

You don’t sound like you like let alone love your family very much Op. in particular your 10 year old son

Don't be daft. It's normal parenting to correct your kids if they're acting in a way that isn't appropriate for the situation.

absolutely it is

but reread. It just doesn’t sound very…. pleasant.

I said no as he didn't need them in this foreign city where he had nothing to colour in anyway. DH bought them for him.

He is 4. Surely there was paper available too?

but reread. It just doesn’t sound very…. pleasant.

Now read her follow-up post describing how much she enjoys city breaks with her children. Given how many on MN say that city breaks with kids are their idea of hell, she's clearly very fond of them!

your 4 year old asks for pens and the reasons you say no is:

1. they don’t need in a foreign country. Why not because in a foreign country?
2. nothing to colour in. a 1 euro pad of plain paper?

So weeks later, DH is still angry at me for all of the above, calling me selfish all the time and saying I make everything about me.

that’s a bit sinister. “weeks later” still angry? bloody hell