Is it normal to have one kid each?

Pinkwithwhite · 2024-04-18T21:36:09+00:00

So DH and I have DD and a DS. Our house is totally split team girls, team boys. Is this normal? If we have a disagreement my DD is straight to my defence and my DS to his dad. I have girls night outs with friends and my daughter loves the idea of this. My DH plays football and pub 2x week so again with the lads. Maybe I'm overthinking it, is it normal? YANBU- Its normal, they will grow out of it YABU- it's not healthy/ normal you need to do something about it.

Lilyhatesjaz · 18/04/2024 22:56

My family was a bit like this, mostly caused by DD wanting to be with me when she was younger.
It didn't really cause problems for us as we all get on well with the other parent and sibling too.
My DC are adults now and we still tend to go into 2 twos if we are out, DD and me like to look in the shops DH and DS like other things.

SarahAndQuack · 18/04/2024 22:59

Well, look at how you're describing it - 'girls' night out' and 'the lads'. Sounds as if your children picked up on the idea that it's one or the other, and they've just naturally fallen in with it. If you're asking, will it harm your son to be with his dad lots and does it matter if your DD wants to be with mum, then obviously, no, it's fine. But probably if it were me I'd do a bit of 'you know girls can like the footie' kind of parenting 101 stuff.

grinandslothit · 18/04/2024 23:00

It's commin but it isn't really normal these days because it promotes the patriarchy and misogyny.

OhBumBags · 18/04/2024 23:06

Sounds awful and really quite divisive.

Also, the kids need to keep out of your disagreements.

Anxiouslump · 18/04/2024 23:08

SarahAndQuack · 18/04/2024 22:59

Well, look at how you're describing it - 'girls' night out' and 'the lads'. Sounds as if your children picked up on the idea that it's one or the other, and they've just naturally fallen in with it. If you're asking, will it harm your son to be with his dad lots and does it matter if your DD wants to be with mum, then obviously, no, it's fine. But probably if it were me I'd do a bit of 'you know girls can like the footie' kind of parenting 101 stuff.

this.

PinkHouseYellowHouse · 18/04/2024 23:15

No. Not normal and not ok. Sounds awful.

Why can't your daughter like football? Can only women go to pubs? What if your son wasn't interested in these things? If you genuinely believe your kids interest completely 100 % mirror each same sex parents then you either aren't listening to your kids or your kids are scared to express their feelings.

So your daughter doesn't have a normal relationship with her father? Don't be surprised when your son feels distant from you in the future.

You sound like a deeply unhappy household. You should all be one team.

dimllaishebiaith · 18/04/2024 23:16

Your children should not have to be leaping to your defence in disagreements, that's incredibly damaging to their relationship with the other parent

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 18/04/2024 23:17

They will not grow out of it necessarily no. It’s not uncommon. But I do not personally think it is healthy. It perpetuates gender stereotypes in a way that I would be very unhappy about. It’s also unfortunate that you have the children rushing to the defence of a parent based on biology.

RightOnTheEdge · 18/04/2024 23:22

I think it's not normal and your family sounds really divided and unhealthy.

I think you need to really work on your relationship with your son and your husband's with your daughter.

sailyclose · 18/04/2024 23:26

Not normal sounds toxic actually.

You need to swap kids solo time together and build on the relationships one-on-one and also do bonding activities together where you have fun and it's not competitive, and doesn't promote sexist stereotypes.

whiteboardking · 18/04/2024 23:30

Both mine play footy & other sports. so we share all stuff they do - DD and DS. All stuff is divided between me and their dad based on our work and other stuff. Few people I know divide how you describe

crumblingschools · 18/04/2024 23:31

If you didn’t have DD would you do nothing with DS?

bridgetreilly · 18/04/2024 23:31

How old are they? It’s pretty normal for them to go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. But I would definitely make sure you each spend time withother child, as well as altogether. And watch the language you use too. Make sure they know it’s fine for girls to love football and engineering, and for boys to love dolls and dressing up.

CoCoBeeBee · 18/04/2024 23:43

No it's toxic
I come from a family where the men go to the pub on a Saturday and the women go for lunch and a look around the shops.
When dh and I got together I never got a chance to go to the pub with him...he went with my dad uncles grandad
When I had dc well obv they come with me to the shops/luch, dh goes to the pub...

It's only when I became 30+ I realised this was a pile of shit... why have we put everyone into a role or activity because of their gender, I started to say no dh has dc on Saturday etc shock to the men's system but long overdue!

NewName24 · 19/04/2024 00:23

I think it is a bit strange.

I mean, as parents you should keep your arguments / disagreements away from your dc and not have any of them 'picking sides'. I'd nip that in the bud straight away.

But I wanted my dc growing up to be who they wanted to be and doing what they wanted to do, and we never implied to them that some activities are for "lads" whilst others are for "girls".

Some things I'd take my ds to / have a shared interest with, and some things my dd. Same with dh - in fact, as adults, one of my dds and my dh have a shared hobby none of the rest of us enjoy. Thinking about it, there's 2 different things I still occasionally do with ds (or we certainly talk about and watch from afar) that dh isn't interested in, in the slightest. But, OTOH, ds and dh do a different hobby together occasionally which I don't.

HoHoHoliday · 19/04/2024 00:26

It sounds like you live in the 1950s. Quite sad really.

Wolfen · 19/04/2024 01:03

My dh and ds love football. I don't care for it and neither does Dd. Apart from that, I don't feel my family is split.
We have lots of other things in common and differences and will pull together when we need to.

Busyhedgehog · 19/04/2024 05:06

Sounds weird.
DH doesn't like sports so I tend to take DS to anything he likes to do. We are also abroad, so there are no pubs to go to and it's not a thing at all. On the other hand, I don't have "nights out with the girls". I might meet my friends at the beach bar but their DHs and kids tend to join in as well....usually in the afternoons after school pick up. We are about to have a DD but I'd have no issue taking her to baseball, swimming or football with DS. DH and DS like to do the garden. That's their thing and I'm sure DD will be invited to help when she's older. I'm certain DS will instruct her in Minecraft and coding as soon as possible as well...

WonderingWanda · 19/04/2024 06:55

Not in our house. Admittedly I hate football and so that'd a thing dh and ds do together. Dd likes to play football but not interested in matches so we do something else. However, I make a huge effort to do activities that ds will like as well. It probably helps that I'm the main childcare in the holidays too so have build a great relationship with him.

We often have a netflix series just for me and ds to watch, we will watch and episode with a pizza. Mountain biking. Bouldering (I hate this one) and dd tags along but doesn't love it as much. We are about to begin a weekly long hike to help him break in his new walking boots for DofE. He has lots of sport too that we both take turns in driving him to. I also do lots with dd too. I think you'll have to work at it if you want to redress the balance. We've always done lots as a family on weekends too.

freespirit333 · 19/04/2024 07:07

This sounds really sad and old fashioned! I’ve read a statistic somewhere that families with same sex siblings tend to be closer when the DC are adults, or maybe the DC are closer as adults if they’re same sex, can’t quite remember but there was something like that and this does make sense!

This sounds like my DH’s family growing up, except his dad didn’t bother with the DC much, but my MIL and SIL would go off and do “girls’ things” all the time whilst DH and BIL weren't invited. I cringe at it now as I can’t imagine favouring one DC over another.

I have two DS’, one loves art which I do too so we do a lot of that together, but it does make me conscious I need to connect with my other too, even if it’s just board games we play 1-2-1. DH and I take it in turns to take the DS’ to their activities. For the most part though on the weekends we are together as a family of 4.

thecatsthecats · 19/04/2024 07:12

DH's family are this way, to the extent that MIL would like it if her DILs came around to "natter and do nails" whilst her sons and husband are at the football. I have always declined, but when I was expecting my baby, it was always that "we can help with the baby whilst the boys are at the football", until it was discovered that I was having a boy, when it became "when he's old enough to go to the match you can have a break".

I'd definitely be making sure that both kids aren't doing anything that they don't want to/aren't getting chances to because of your family pattern.

AbbeFausseMaigre · 19/04/2024 07:22

It's normal up to a point. If your interests have genuinely naturally aligned that way then that's just how it is. A sample size of two children is far too small to know if you have consciously or unconsciously encouraged this division.

Putting your children in situations where they regularly feel the need to take sides isn't good though.

Cbljgdpk · 19/04/2024 07:27

I don’t think it’s unusual but I think there’s things you can do about it and I wouldn’t be letting the kids be involved in your disagreements even if they’re low level ones

Beezknees · 19/04/2024 07:29

Sounds like you and DH like things that are historically typical of your "gender" so obviously this has passed on to your children.

I'm a lone parent of a DS and he's never had a father figure, he couldn't care less about football, normally boys will follow the same team as their dad (if dad likes football) I don't care for football so DS has never grown up with it.

theresnolimits · 19/04/2024 07:35

Those of us with same sex children have always interacted! When my twi DSs were growing up I went to football and took them to galleries/theatre and out for afternoon tea. As a result, they are well rounded, have great relationships with their lovely wives and we still do those things together.

You’re missing out.