Is it normal to have one kid each?

[Pinkwithwhite]

So DH and I have DD and a DS. Our house is totally split team girls, team boys.
Is this normal?
If we have a disagreement my DD is straight to my defence and my DS to his dad.
I have girls night outs with friends and my daughter loves the idea of this.
My DH plays football and pub 2x week so again with the lads.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, is it normal?

YANBU- Its normal, they will grow out of it

YABU- it's not healthy/ normal you need to do something about it.

How old is DS @Betteroverhere?

God help mine if they want me to do dance: there are brick walls with more flexibility and natural rhythm than me.

I do a fair amount with DS. I take him swimming, he does a couple of hobbies, but I’m unsure how much is related to sex, how much is DH being the ‘novelty parent’ and how much is just a natural sense of a parent you have more in common with. DS and DH are similar, in looks and in personality I would say. Jury is of course out on the baby but she looks like me poor sod and doesn’t seem dissimilar to how I was as a baby temperament wise. Hard to say.

He’s three. So there’s time for things to change but we’re certainly in a challenging stage.

We have 1 DS and 1 DD. We might sometimes align along gender lines, but more often than not, it's along interest lines. For example, my daughter and DP share a strong interest in music, so they talk about, listen to and go to concerts together. And I might take my son out for lunch, just the two of us. I do think it's important for both parents to spend time with both children individually, regardless of the 'activity'.

As others have said above, the children (whatever their ages) should absolutely not be involved in disagreements between parents -at all, much less taking sides. I would do all I could to stop that asap.

Yeah I thought the same. We're trying to raise our son to be a well rounded individual by exposing him to lots of different things to see what he likes!

He currently does a football class at the weekend (one of my passions), is learning guitar and baking from his dad and chose ballet as another class after we read a book about it (he's a pretty natural dancer!).

I don't necessarily think it's unusual, but I wouldn't say it's how we operate. If anything, it's probably the other way around - dh does more with (older) dd and I do more with (younger) ds.

But I think that is probably a bit to do with how we organised family life when youngest was born. Dh did older one (dd) while I did the baby. And those routines just sort of stuck. Dh still sits in with dd to chat more before bed (she's a preteen now) while I put ds to bed. We also don't do particularly gender stereotypical activities - dd is the more sporty one so she goes climbing and mountain biking with dh, and I'm not really a girls night sort of person, though we do watch films and tv together. I tend to do more with ds as I enjoy those activities a bit more than dh, like going to the beach or baking.

I'm not sure whether this is 'normal' but I can see how it happens, although I'm trying really hard not to let it be the default in our house. We've got one boy and one girl too, and DH and DS have a couple of common interests so they tend to gravitate together to do those activities and I end up spending more time with DD (who is younger) almost by default. I make a real effort to carve out time for me and DS - we got cinema passes together and I delegated watching DD to DH, as even though it's an activity DH would have enjoyed too it's only fair to give us some time.

All sounds quite rigid and old-fashioned.

DH and I have a son and a daughter together.

DH and DS do spend quite a lot of time together- mainly because they are both mad on various sports (playing and watching) and those are shared interests for them. DD and I are not into sports- we’re just not competitive in that way. I like fitness but solo stuff- going to the gym and lifting weights. DS is into that too so we have been to the gym together and we talk about fitness.

When it comes to cooking and baking, it’s my DS who’s interested, not DD. DS and I went on a cooking course together and really enjoyed it. DD is not interested at all!

I haven’t been on a spa day with my kids but if I did, it would be more likely that DS would want to come with me than DD.

DH makes efforts to spend time with DD too. He spent loads of time helping her learn to drive, and they sometimes go for a walk or for coffee and cake together just the two of them.

My DH does have certain things he does with DS, like going to see the occasional football match or watching cricket, but he does ask my DD if she wants to join in too, but she doesn't want to. She enjoys going shopping with me and likes cooking and baking, whereas my DS doesn't like to do those activities.
But we also do things with the other child, like I'm the one who has always played football in the park with DS, and I still play basketball with him in the park pretty regularly. DH doesn't spend as much time with DD as I do with DS, but he has taken her away for camping and cycling trips just the two of them and planning on another weekend of that soon. DD just prefers to spend time with me and DS also spends more time with me. But they both spend school holidays with DH as he's a teacher and he does the same things with them, whatever activity it is.

I think it’s fine if they both naturally just have a favourite parent.

Usually you find girls are closer to their dads and boys are closer to their mums.

I wouldn’t stop this from happening but I would make extra effort that you both spend time doing something special with the other child on their own and both children together.

Its never ok to think your parent has a favourite.

The toxic comments are a bit upsetting. I definitely didn't think our family was a toxic one. We don't do as much as I would like as a whole family.
But we eat dinner together most nights. Have a movie night every other week and a day trip somewhere new each month.

DS is 3 and DD is 4. I'm a SAHP, so I do everything with them.

DS wears "girl" costumes, has his nails painted. Loves singing and dancing and football. DH does the football class with him.

DD does cooking with DH, she chooses the meal and the go to the shops and cook it together. She just loves her hair and make up, very girly.
I'm very girly too. And I have a lot of girl friends, we have had weddings and big birthdays recently so there's been a lot of girls only things that she has been involved with.

I was thinking it's just because I have them all the time so when dad is around my son wants to be team boy. And hang out with his dad and be like him.

Maybe disagreements was the wrong word. It's more I think I'm right and DH will think he's right about something, DD will always say I think mummy's right. Or mummy knows about this.

DD and DH have one afternoon together each week, that's when they plan a meal, shop and cook. I don't really have much 1-1 time with either of them.

@Pinkwithwhite what sort of things are you discussing when your DD thinks you are right?

So what are you doing when DD is with DH doing cooking?

Yes to this.

And also drop the silly words "lads" and "girls" from your description of leisure time. For starters, you're a man and a woman.
Replace the inappropriate terms with "out with friends".

The terminology of "team girl/ boy" needs to be replaced too.

Its more common outside of MN than on this thread I think. I know lots of families who divide up in this way, often where they have parents who gravitate to stereotypically sex based behaviour and activities you describe themselves. I was at a theme park the other week and lots of the girls were very 'prettied up' in bows and frills, walking with very glam mums, and dad's with sons in matching football shirts, so its absolutely a thing.
The important thing is, it doesn't have to be, and it's good if your DC have access to everything rather than just the things traditionally 'for' their sex. Because as cute and harmless as it seems to have a mini me, its restrictive and harmful, particularly for your daughter if she grows up believing some things are not for girls. Because when you think about it, some of the best things on offer are the ones 'for boys'.

The terms girls night I could just say out with friends. I'll work on that.
DH doesn't actually go out. Other than the few stag do's he's been to recently and the same for me with Hen do's. Which are men or women only.

I can't think of any examples right now but it's more opinions on things.

But you said "My DH plays football and pub 2x week so again with the lads."

Which is fine, as long as the football and pub aren't presented to your children as activities only ever done by "lads".

It’s common.

i used to know a family like this. I was chatting when the kids were young, she was telling me about her daughter’s dance classes (I’m a dance teacher). I asked about her son, and if he liked dance “oh no, he does football with his dad” in an awful tone, as if boys doing dance was terrible.

on the occasions we met them socially the dd would hang round with her mum, the dad would take the son off to play.

they got divorced eventually, she has no relationship with her son as they have no common interests or any sort of relationship. I presume dad is same with daughter.

stop splitting your family and reinforcing the idea that sexes like “boy” and “girl” things and can’t like something not for their sex. Find some interests in common and rebuild the relationships.

If we have a disagreement my DD is straight to my defence and my DS to his dad

I find the concept of a 3 and 4 year old leaping to their parents defence during an argument a little odd I’m afraid. The whole thing is a bit strange - I assumed your DC were much older than this. My pre schoolers have a favourite parent (and it changes everyday) but it isn’t based on gender stereotypes as far as I can tell.

I think from your OP people are assuming your DC are much older than 3 or 4. You’ve got plenty of time to demonstrate non-gendered norms. Don’t stress.

We don't have things that are only for girls or boys. My DD is normally in the boy costume with her hair done and clip clip shoes.

I don't have any concerns with that.

Oh it’s fine. Dh enjoys all the same sports as ds. Football, darts etc. Plus weekends for them are dedicated to training and games. I have no interest in dragging the others there. Neither of my dds are interested in any of this so we go shopping and out for coffee a lot. Sorry we conform to the stereotype. During the week we operate like a normal family I think 😂

Ignore the toxic comments. Pathetic attempt to judge and shame.

Sounds normal to me. I was in the park today & the little boy next to us was like “My daddy this, my daddy that” Nothing about his mum!

I only have boys so haven't been in your position... but it sounds awful to me.

I'd hate to 'team up' with one of my children. I love and enjoy spending time with both of them.

I made a concerted effort to avoid blokes who liked football.
so, no.