To ask parent to pay for a new phone

[stamberg]

DS has ASD and turned 14 a few months ago and he's been in a relationship with a boy (just turned 16) since November last year.

I wasn't very happy with this relationship due to the age gap (DS was 13 at the time) and also because this boy has behaviour problems, he attends a PRU and was a known bully at DS’s school. Because of this I've tried inviting him over for dinner to get to know him as I don't want DS to know I disapprove in case he feels he can't come to me with ant issues. From what I've seen of him I do suspect he may also have ASD, I'm not a professional but he seems to have a few traits.

DS came home this evening, his phone is smashed and won't turn on. At first he refused to tell me what happened and said he dropped it. He then admitted he met his boyfriend after school and he was in a bad mood, they went to a shop and boyfriend was short for something which made his mood much worse and he was ignoring DS, so DS got his phone out and asked him if he should ask me to put some money in his account. His boyfriend didn't say anything but he forcefully knocked his phone out of his hands and it smashed on the concrete.

DS said he shouted at his boyfriend and asked why he did it and he said boyfriend got upset, kept apologising and said he didn't know why he just had the urge to do it and couldn't stop himself. DS said he believes it was an accident and forgives him but he now doesn't have a phone.

I've dropped him home a few times so I know where he lives, but I haven't spoken to his mum although she has been in, I've never had a hello or a thank you for giving him a lift home.

WIBU to ask her to pay for a new phone?

I would look at claiming on house insurance. Gadgets are fragile.

I’d speak to the parents in general and mention the phone.

I would speak to her. What have u got to lose? She says no? Same position as now. But he needs a talking too at least.

also I’d worry bf is abusive and this is it ramping up, older and physically taking a mood out on your DS.
its not a good look.

Your son needs to learn a lesson here about partners and paying attention to what they do not what they say. If he chooses yo continue seeing this boy then a natural consequence not having a phone.

No, I don't think you can do that.

You can report it as criminal damage, I suppose, but ultimately you need to claim on your insurance.

You can certainly tell the boy's parents about his behaviour. But I don't think they are obliged to pay for it. You need to support your own ds to avoid toxic relationships.

We don't have insurance and I can't afford to replace his phone at the moment.

He is 16 a grown man, you font go running to his parents !!

A grown man, don't be daft, most 16 year olds won't have even sat their GCSEs, in what world is that a grown man/woman?

What does your son want to do?

16 is not an adult. If WWIII kicks off, will you be waving off 16 year old “grown men and women” to go die on the front?

Why is your concern here his phone ??

Well, if you don’t have any sort of home contents insurance and you can’t afford a new phone, then you’ve not got much option. You’re not going to lose anything by speaking to them so speak to them.

Also, maybe time to give your son some tough love about the choices he makes and how this guy is a bad choice.

Tbh I'd be less concerned about the phone and more concerned that your son seems to have got involved in an abusive relationship.

I'd be banning him from seeing him.

Exactly this

I'd be more worried about the long term impact of this sort of relationship.

100% this. But I'd definitely get them to pay for the phone too.

His parents should be asked.

They may not be thrilled by this relationship either because their son is doing exams this year.

So I'd have a general chat.

I agree I'd be more worried about the impact of this relationship on your son.

you could ask but I'm not sure parent would agree to pay for the phone.

So your 13 year old child had a boyfriend. 2 years older than him and with a real temper. You child has barely turned 14.
And you're worried about a phone?!

This. He's a 14 year old child, he shouldn't be trying to appease and make excuses for his boyfriend's violent behaviour. Letting this relationship carry on is likely to lead him to believe that violence is a normal part of a relationship. Talk to him about how relationships should be happy and fun and not with people smashing your belongings because they're in a bad mood and can't help themselves. It could be your son's face that's smashed next.
He's 14 so you're perfectly able to stop the relationship. I'd be telling the parents and expecting them to replace the phone.

But banning teens from seeing each other doesn't work if anything it's makes it all more attractive.
Op I'd work on dc about personal boundaries and respect and respecting belongings

I would definitely speak to her. If my child had intentionally, or even accidentally broken something of someone else's, then I would be offering to replace it. Depending on age of child, they would then be gradually paying me back out of their pocket money, birthday money etc.
So she may offer to pay for it, and she may not, but you have nothing to lose if you ask politely. Her reaction may also give you more insight into her sons behaviour and help in how to support your son to manage this relationship - which is the bigger concern.
And if she is hostile, then your son will just have to do without a phone until you can afford a new one. This may have the side effect of him loosing contact with his boyfriend, which may not be a bad thing

You better believe I'd be banning him from seeing him.

And I doubt you'll get anywhere with this other lads mum. He's in a PRU, I doubt she's all about responsible parenting.

When DS first told me about the relationship, I wasn't happy but I just thought DS meant a close friend, until the start of the easter holidays when he came home with a love bite. I spoke to DS and did think about stopping him from seeing his boyfriend but I knew he'd see him anyway.

Boyfriend does seem very immature despite his age. I am worried about the relationship but I don't want to push DS away, he is upset about his phone but forgives his boyfriend so I can't stop them seeing each other as they will meet in secret and id rather know where DS is.