To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

[driedapricots101]

Just seen a post about ensuring this & that for language gcses.. tbh I didn't even understand it because whilst my teen sits theirs in may, I have not been remotely involved in their studies. They are bright & independent & I'm trusting they know what they need to do.. they tell me they do & mocks grades are all good.. im hoping other parents take a back seat at this stage too..some ive spoken to could probably sit the exams themselves so involved are they... or am i being a rubbish parent?!

It’s almost like all kids are different and need / want different levels and styles of parental input.

Who’d have thought it? 🤣

My parents certainly didn't get involved whatsoever in mine. Not sure what a parent can do other than ask/nag about revising?? Maybe provide food...

Tbh, jokes aside - it seems a bit disingenuous.
”My child is bright and independent and has good mock grades - am I a rubbish parent?”
🤨

I have no plans to at all. For me the major part of getting ready ri go to uni, ie GCSEs, is learning ti self study.

If your child is able to study independantly without parental input then thats fine. Some kids might need extra support though.

Our son is in the spectrum and needed a lot of support at GCSE - revision timetables, testing of material after revision etc. It worked though, got good grades and at A levels needed very little input from us.

Teens in our family have had a traumatic few years with multiple parental losses.

So yes, we will be supporting all of them.

Every situation is different.

@Testina reading back it does sound humble braggy... genuinely didn't mean it to, and genuinely interested in what others are doing. Of course it's different strokes for different folks..& I know I'll be nagging the second born more, but should I be pushing this child more if they're seemingly on top of everything. What if they're not & they've missed something - we wont find out til the grades come in & then it's too late!

Im helping my son to revise. Like I helped my eldest. Their school isn't the best so I feel like I need to help fill the learning gaps.

Crikey. It seems that some parents don't understand that not all children mature at the same rate.
Some don't need encouragement, yet others do.

Why would you deliberately set your DC up to fail if you know that they need more support?

DD needed a bit of encouragement at GCSE level, she asked me to test her at A level, and guess what - she managed to achieve a first class honours degree in a STEM subject all by herself with no input from me (except for reading through her dissertation).

Basically, not all 15/16 year olds are the same or have the same level of emotional maturity.

@driedapricots101 clearly your DC doesn't need any support, but lots do need more encouragement.

My son will not let me get involved, he ends up getting snappy if I attempt to help!

i’ve helped my dd. Testing her, nudging her to revise. Watching some english youtube videos with her. I’m sure i’m too hands on and you’re a much better parent with a much more independent child. Well done!

My job was to fund study guides (rubbish school ) ban gaming or at least reduce it, and nag as far as I was concerned, both dc did well

Despite not particularly enjoying me pushing (gently) and ensuring my eldest had plenty of revision resources, he now freely admits he wouldn't have achieved the grades he got without extra support. I have no doubt he'd have done pretty well anyway, but I do think the extra support and boost helped. I think showing an interest and support without pressuring makes a world of difference to a child. As does the reassurance that so long as they know they've genuinely tried their best, that's good enough for them and their parents.

Yanbu
I actually think it really harms kids if their parents needlessly get tense about gcses
Obviously some kids do need a bit of extra help..
But if your kid is naturally bright and doing well then breathing down their necks can be harmful.
I had a terrible experience doing my gcses.. my parents acted like I was lazy because I didn't revise as much as they wanted.. they constantly hounded me. I developed anxiety and depression. I got straight A* but I felt nothing when I recieved the results. I still felt like I'd failed because I was so convinced I was lazy and didn't do enough work. I dropped out of school during my A levels because I was such a psychological mess.
I don't want to do this with my kids. Mental health is top priority. Exams are stressful enough.. if your kid is a good kid and doing well anyway they certainly do not need the level of input some parents think they do.

If they are bright and independent I would thank my lucky stars and leave them to it. I would just make sure I was around at exam time to provide decent meals and cover any possible transport issues.

My two eldest are dyslexic and needed a bit more support around study and exam times, my youngest just got on with it but appreciated an available listening ear when she wanted it.

A parent, even with no subject knowledge, can offer an overview and some structure for revision. eg there are 8 topics, do one per session or whatever. Anyone can google a syllabus and read the overview. And a parent with subject knowledge can offer a sit down together type session for moral support, encouragement and subject improvement.

Sure but you realise kids are different right? My son needed a lot of chivying along and reminders and scheduling. My DD needed nothing - I just noted when her exams were in my diary and that's it.

First post nails it.

I’ve sometimes thought about this.. On MN the parents seem so involved in everything. Revision, Uni options, etc.

When I was at this stage of life - I just used to feedback subject options, results, preferred uni etc to parents.

So I understand where you are coming from.

My DD’s school do their language gcse in year 9, so my 14 year old has just had her French speaking exam. She’s bright but a bit dreamy/lazy, so I have been making sure she revises every day. I haven’t checked what she’s been doing, but I know she’d have done a lot less if I hadn’t insisted.

Maybe when she’s 16 I won’t bother (my mum didn’t, but I was bright & not lazy/dreamy!).

That said, my brother is bright but lazy and no amount of bribery on my mum’s part could have improved his work ethic.

As a teen, in an abusive and neglectful home, I remember my mums lovely friend coming over, who I adored and was like the perfect example of a good mum to me.

she said about her daughter in a non braggy way as she wasn’t like that “oh Gill (made up name) is going 9 GCSE’s this year, how many is Agatha going to sit?” Mum looked blank. She didn’t know.

“oh when’s her first exam?” mum had no idea.

promised myself I’d show some interest in their GCSEs if I ever had kids, just so they knew I gave a shit what they were doing. I get why some people are hands off, but it’s a bit like not asking your partner how their day at work went. They may not want it. But they might.

If YABU then I am. I occasionally say interested things. I want to help but he won't let me!

If I was a pushy sort he'd get 8s and 9s because he's capable, but we've had a lot to go through as a family because I have a serious illness so I'm happy with him just doing enough to pass. He got mainly 6s and one 7 in his last set of mocks so that's enough for the sixth form college.

You sound ever so slightly superior. Your title of ‘not being remotely involved’ sounds disinterested. I think every child is different and an appropriate amount of interest/support/guidance can be shown depending on the situation.

I will go one better I'm a FE college lecturer and 2 of my DC did my course. Neither came near me for help.insisted on being normal students and doing it all themselves! Both highly successful in their chosen careers and earn oodles more than me

Yep same! I leave him to it. I provide revision guides, stationery and food!