Is anyone else’s family just very awkward?

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

Love them all obviously, but my family is just very awkward. If we all go for a meal or out somewhere, there are times when everyone just sits there and doesn’t talk for ages. I just find it very awkward. I’m not an extrovert, but I do talk, they are very quiet at times and not any real effort to make much conversation. When I’m with friends/others, I’m the fairly quiet one, but with my family, I really need to take the lead, there’s no initiative or energy really and I feel myself just adapting to the environment
Our dd is 5 and v outgoing and tries to talk to everyone and get them involved, but there’s not that much response there either. Dh is average sociability but I can see he always finds it awkward.
Is this normal? I find it hard work to always be the one initiating conversation, my parents alone or just with us are ok or my sister just with me is okish, it seems to be when we’re all in a group together. It saps my energy and is draining really and makes me feel sad it’s like this

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

I see other families quite animated, lots of discussions etc, but ours isn’t often like that, unless initiate or sometimes dad, but it doesn’t feel easy, I feel almost nervous to talk as it’s uncomfortable
Is this a common family thing?

[Tengreenbottles2]

Is it an easy, comfortable silence, and you're the irritating one who has to fill every silence? Or is it genuinely that no one knows what to say to each other? The first is normal, the second is a bit weird...

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@Tengreenbottles2 I don’t know, it doesn’t feel normal to me? But sitting around having a coffee or eating, don’t people chat, especially in a group? Maybe I am the one who can’t cope with the silence then, but I find it awkward

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

*It doesn’t feel comfortable to me

[FruitFlyPie]

I think it's normal. People obviously match up with similar types, and then we inherite the traits of our parents, so it's no surprise to have a whole family of awkward people.

This describes my family but there's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes I try to spice it up by preparing a few interesting topics in advance.

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@FruitFlyPie Are you the same as them? I don’t really feel like I am as much. Maybe they’re happy to sit there and not talk, I don’t know

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

Should I try to fill in the gaps or just sit there in silence too

[whatsupluckyducky]

I feel the same with my family. They all
just stare at me waiting for me to make the conversation. It’s so awkward and so draining . I literal count down the minutes until it’s over …

[Scottishshortbread11877]

That sounds nice! I'd love to sit peacefully with my family! I am from a very large and animated family and it can be a bit much!

[biscuitdunkerette]

Yes same here. We are all introverts I would say, but my parents are really quite socially awkward, as is my sister. I’m the one who makes the chat and it’s very draining. it’s all boring small talk too, like weather and traffic, whereas with my friends I like to discuss more interesting things.

My in-laws are the opposite, massively extrovert and loud and that’s draining in a different way!

[Scottishshortbread11877]

Do you break into smaller conversations within the group? My family normally just talk to the people beside them. Only occasionally drifting into a group conversations and then reverting back.

[Fushia123]

Yes. It’s quite exhausting. Especially when I have planned, shopped made the meal and then feel like it’s me who has to keep conversations going. I’m really an introvert and it wears me out. I long for a chatty, interesting meal time.

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@whatsupluckyducky Why is the expectation on you? Are you the more extroverted one?

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@Fushia123 Yes same, so it’s just that you’re all introverts really? Do they seem like they look/feel awkward or just you that feels it?

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@Scottishshortbread11877 Yes sometimes and it is much better like that

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

I even feel awkward if it’s just my dad and I, it’s crazy and sad to me that we’d feel that as father and daughter. It’s fine with my mum, it’s strange

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@biscuitdunkerette Yes my in laws are like that too and it’s true that can be way too much! There needs to be a happy medium

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

I also find it sad for my Dd, who’s is very little and doesn’t understand why people are not really talking to her when in all other situations people do and chat away. She even said to me the other day that she kept smiling at her cousin (he’s 18, v v quiet) and he didn’t smile back. I don’t think him & my niece have really spoken to Dd, although she has tried lots, they’re just so quiet, but talk amongst themselves, I get it, but also think they should make an effort really and my dsis too, I can see my Dd really trying with her

[JeysusH]

What do your family do? Surely they have to interact with people on a work level? Did you speak as a family when you were young or just sit round the dinner table in silence?

Do you not chat? Have family memories to talk about when you're all together? Do you not even talk about what you've been up to? Shared interests? Mutual contacts? Anything??

[EmmaEmerald]

I have no idea if it's normal and I don't have to suffer family meals out any more

But when I did, they all looked to me as the conversation person. It was deeply irritating.

If I didn't talk, mum or dad would say "why aren't you talking?" I'm not the paid entertainment FGS. 

I could never see the point of those get togethers and despite being very lonely, I don't miss them, so thank you for reminding me of the positive thing of not having those any more!

Some people enjoy a companionable silence I guess but when they actively look for someone to talk, I guess they aren't enjoying it?

sidebar - I do think the art of conversation is vanishing due to tech so there might be that at play as well. When I still had to go to family things, tech hadn't taken over to the extent it has now, so it might be a problem that's getting worse.

[biscuitdunkerette]

My take on it is that it is really frustrating and sometimes makes me sad and I wish it was otherwise. BUT focus on making it different within my family so for the next generation.

I guess it’s good to expensive to your DD that people are different, some like to chat lots some less. It doesn’t mean they’re not interested in you etc

[biscuitdunkerette]

• explain, not expensive!

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@JeysusH Parents retired, they talk quite a bit when she just with Dh, Dd and I, my mum is quiet generally and often just sits there. Dsis can be chatty when just us, but often needs prompting by me a lot. Teenage kids just don’t really talk much at all in group situation or try to play/interact with my Dd.
I remember awkward silences at the dinner table growing up too and hated sitting at a dinner table, much preferring sitting eating dinner on our laps in front of the tv. I can feel quite socially awkward at times myself, but have taught myself to push through it at work and in social situations. Feel quite annoyed we weren’t taught these skills at home in a way, surely my parents should have made more effort to teach us to have conversations etc
I remember when my grandparents came over, around the table they’d always ask me all the questions as I was the one who would talk, I didn’t always want to be!

[JeysusH]

That does sound sad @Dannydyerwashotinthenineties, did you ever chat with your parents when you were a child? Did they socialise much?

[Dannydyerwashotinthenineties]

@EmmaEmerald Why was the onus on you to do the talking all the time? Are all
your family introverted?