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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to be forgiven after an apology

54 replies

FourJays · 31/03/2008 10:52

I recently accepected an award at a ceremony. It was a big deal so i invited my sis, some friends and DH.
I was unable to order a cab home so I got a life with a friend who was going back to get DH, sis and another mate after they had dropped off everyone who had to sort out their babysitters. Instead of waiting they went to a club. I had told them that it was my night and that I'd be upset if they did but they did anyway. DH phoned to tell me - I said I was upset and hung up on him.

I texted sis and told her I was cross with her and we haven't spoken since - she has a bit of a history of going off with DH / other blokes and leaving me to it and knows it would upset me.
She emailed to say that from her point of view I abandoned her and that she is sick of taking the blame and that I called her a husband stealer.
My hubbie is barely speaking to me too as he says I'm being stubborn and that she is about to cut me out of her life. So I have apologised to her for blaming her.
She won't reply to my texts, calls or emails.

Any advice on how I can sort this mess out? Other than turn back time and not send a drunken text telling her off?
She is my sis and I don't want her to cut me off.

OP posts:
FioFio · 31/03/2008 10:54

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Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 10:56

That's what I said to her - that I was sick of acting like kids and wanted to have a grown up relationship where we could TALK about what was bothering us.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 31/03/2008 10:57

Sounds like there is more to it than just this one occasion which has created this

IMVHO STOP EMAILING/TEXTING AND TALK to your sister - even if you have to leave a load of answerphone messages!

RubySlippers · 31/03/2008 10:57

sorry about caps

FioFio · 31/03/2008 10:58

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FioFio · 31/03/2008 10:58

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LaComtesse · 31/03/2008 10:58

Don't know the full story behind this but from what you've said, I'd let it go. I doubt if you'll get an apology back (or acknowlegement that you apologised which is what I suspect you really want). Know in yourself that you tried to make amends for whatever you said at the time so you did hte right thing. It's probably not worth rehashing it now in the light of day.

FWIW, I would probably have reacted in a similar way so you have my sympathies for what they're worth .

FioFio · 31/03/2008 10:59

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Lulumama · 31/03/2008 11:00

you should have sorted out on the night what the plan was.. why could you not have met them at the club?

calling your sister a husband stealer is hardly something she is going to just forget in a flash

give her a ring, write her a letter or send her some flowers

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:01

There is. She and DH are very close and although I know there is nothing in it, it bothers me that they seem to do this. It has been going on for 12 years!
She also has upset other people by going out for drinks with and flirting with their hubbies - so it's not just me. It's the way she is. And she is angry with me (understandably) for pointing it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:03

Couldn't have met them at the club as teenage babysitter had to be home.

And I didn't call her a husband stealer - I said I didn't like it when she went out with him. I was very careful how I worded it.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 31/03/2008 11:04

is it not nice that your sis and DH get on - if there is nothing going on why does it bother you?

Your sister should have some boundaries and ditch the flirting tho'

this sounds like an argument you have had many times before TBH

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:06

I didn't know why it bothered me. But a friend pointed out last week that if they are out together while I'm home looking after the kids it's MY fun she is having. And maybe that's why I was more angry with her than DH.

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FioFio · 31/03/2008 11:07

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FioFio · 31/03/2008 11:07

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serenity · 31/03/2008 11:13

I'd be more annoyed with your DH than your sister tbh. She's a free party so go out clubbing all she wants, whilst your DH should have been the one to go back and let the babysitter go home so you could continue celebrating.

Taweret · 31/03/2008 11:15

Your sister sounds like a spoilt child, frankly.

Congratulations on your award.

It is a shame your DH and your sister weren't more supportive, and less selfish.

I would leave her to her own devices, tbh.

If she is prepared to have a tantrum and give up contact with you over a situation in which she was in the wrong, then let her.

She may come back when she grows up a bit.

Concentrate on your immediate family for now.

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:28

But I do love her and want to sort it out. She isn't free - she is married with two kids but when there is no man around she seems to need to "borrow" some-one else's.

Hands up who thinks I should send flowers?

OP posts:
NicMac · 31/03/2008 11:32

I don't think you should grovel, it was your special night and if you back down she will think itis okay to carry on behaving like this.

hecate · 31/03/2008 11:32

No. I think she should send YOU flowers. I think your husband was also unreasonable. Are you saying he'd rather be out with her than with you?
Don't let them turn this round to YOU being unreasonable. You are not, imo.

ipanemagirl · 31/03/2008 11:32

Personally, I would be furious with my DH, he needs to get his priorities right imho! And a loving sister might have gone home, relieved the sitter and let you and DH go out and celebrate! How selfish of her.

I think in future more planning might be necessary and getting some agreement from DH about what your boundaries are. Neither of my sisters would ever dream of going out and celebrating with my DH if I wasn't there! Inappropriate. Can she not get her own life?! Can he not put you first? I mean really! How old is she? Grow up that lass!

ipanemagirl · 31/03/2008 11:34

Don't send flowers!

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:36

She's 36.

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 31/03/2008 11:37

Did they at any point tell you they were goiing to go clubbing and ask you if it was ok?

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 11:40

Right, your apology doesn't change anything except how YOU feel and react to the situation. If youthink you were right to apologise, fine, move on and if your sister doesn't want to then that's her business. You can;t change how she reacts (FWIW I think she's being a bit of a cow) but you can change the way you react to her. Sounds like you;re often playing catch-up with her getting the upper hand. Don't let her.

As for your DH, think you need to talk to him about HIS actions and leave your sister out of it.

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