Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be forgiven after an apology

54 replies

FourJays · 31/03/2008 10:52

I recently accepected an award at a ceremony. It was a big deal so i invited my sis, some friends and DH.
I was unable to order a cab home so I got a life with a friend who was going back to get DH, sis and another mate after they had dropped off everyone who had to sort out their babysitters. Instead of waiting they went to a club. I had told them that it was my night and that I'd be upset if they did but they did anyway. DH phoned to tell me - I said I was upset and hung up on him.

I texted sis and told her I was cross with her and we haven't spoken since - she has a bit of a history of going off with DH / other blokes and leaving me to it and knows it would upset me.
She emailed to say that from her point of view I abandoned her and that she is sick of taking the blame and that I called her a husband stealer.
My hubbie is barely speaking to me too as he says I'm being stubborn and that she is about to cut me out of her life. So I have apologised to her for blaming her.
She won't reply to my texts, calls or emails.

Any advice on how I can sort this mess out? Other than turn back time and not send a drunken text telling her off?
She is my sis and I don't want her to cut me off.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 31/03/2008 11:41

agree with Hecate. Don't send flowers. DH is the main culprit IMO, and she should have been more considerate of your feelings.

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:46

Well DH and his friend were talking about going and I looked them both in the eye and told them I'd be upset and not to go. I think I said "you can go when hell freezees over"

There were only 4 spaces in the car and we had to take those who needed to get back to babysitters. So the three of them had to stray and the driver agreed to come back for them after she had dropped us off and taken my babysitter back.

I can see her point that I abandoned her but its was 11.45 and I was panicking as I'd told babysitter I'd be back at 11 but I couldn't get a taxi.

OP posts:
Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:50

DH did apologise the next day and buy me flowers but now he's angry that I blamed her when it was his fault.
I didn't blame anyone of them more than the other but the difference is that he took some responsibility and said sorry when all she has said is that is wasn't her fault. I just want her to take some responsibility for her actions.
She has since emailed me and said that she told them I'd be cross but it fell on deaf ears. So i have apologised for that but she won't get back to me.

OP posts:
hecate · 31/03/2008 11:51

next time, send your dh home in the taxi to relieve the babysitter! seriously, if you find yourself in a similar situation and it's YOUR sister - dh should go home! He can hardly argue that he'd rather be the one to stay with your sister, could he!

WHY are women made to feel like they are the ones who always need to get back for the babysitter!!

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 11:51

Really, leave it. Accept your DH;s apology, say you;ve apologised to your sister and the ball is now in her court, and move on.

beaniesteve · 31/03/2008 11:51

So you specifically asked them not to go and they did anyway

They sound like naughty school children who probably though 'f**k it, let's go and deal with the consequences afterwards'. I'm sure loads of us have done it but it does sound rude and childish.

I have a very good relationship with my Brother in law but I'm pretty sure if he knew my sister was going to be angry he wouldn't ever let me drag him off nightclubbing while she stayed at home.

hecate · 31/03/2008 11:53

STOP!! Stop begging her forgiveness. She is manipulating you. You have apologised (which is more than I'd have bloody done!). Leave it now.

Sidge · 31/03/2008 11:53

Your sister is out of order. I think your comments about flirting/spending time with your DH etc have hit home and she probably knows she is behaving poorly and is being arsey because you are right and she is wrong.

Your DH is also being disrespectful and thoughtless.

I wouldn't send flowers. I would phone her one more time, then leave it. She sounds very immature. You didn't abandon her, you had to go home to relieve the babysitter.

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 11:56

Thanks everyone.
It gets very confusing and you do start to balme yourself.

OP posts:
Taweret · 31/03/2008 12:00

"DH did apologise the next day and buy me flowers but now he's angry that I blamed her when it was his fault".

So he's basically taking her side over all this?

I would be having a very frank conversation if it were my DH.

And I would leave the sister to wallow in her self-pity.

Please stop feeling like you are in the wrong here.

You made a couple of comments, for which you have apologised.

They ruined your special evening.

You have the moral high ground here.

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 12:02

They have always "ganged up" if you like.

OP posts:
DevilwearsPrada · 31/03/2008 12:06

If my sister and DH always "ganged up" on me I think I would be a little concerned about their relationship TBH. I would be having very frank conversations with both of them.

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 12:06

Divide and conquer

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 12:09

Oh yaeh Effie. It won't happen again because they won't both be invited again.

OP posts:
hecate · 31/03/2008 12:11

Your HUSBAND...YOUR husband should NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT (do you hear me?) be siding with your sister all the time, going out with her, leaving you out, having such a close relationship that you are left feeling like a big hairy green gooseberry!

He's YOUR husband, she's YOUR sister and yet YOU are the one elbowed to the side.

Wrong. Wrong wrong WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON G

hecate · 31/03/2008 12:12

well that went horribly wrong didn't it?
WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

ahhh, much better.

beaniesteve · 31/03/2008 12:14

"a friend pointed out last week that if they are out together while I'm home looking after the kids it's MY fun she is having. And maybe that's why I was more angry with her than DH"

I do think that you need to be more angry with your husband. It's not just your sister who is wrong.

Sounds to me like she is still living a young free and single life and your husband is still thinking he gcan get away with doing so too.

hecate · 31/03/2008 12:18

Agreed. You should be LIVID with your husband that it's 'your fun' he wants to be out there having with her!

VictorianSqualor · 31/03/2008 12:19

What hecate said.
It's him you should be blaming.
If DP did this to me I'd be fuming.

JoshandJamie · 31/03/2008 12:21

I won two awards recently. The first time, DH came with me. He didn't stop raving about me to everyone he met afterwards. Second award, we couldn't get a babysitter. He insisted that I go and take a friend/client - he'd get out of work and look after kids.
Again he told just about everyone he could about the award.

In my opinion, that's how your DH should have been. Celebrating your success and telling you to take a night off, let your hair down and he'll look after kids because you deserve it.

I would be mad as a bucket of snakes if my DH had behaved the way yours did. Do NOT apologise any further to anyone.

pelafina · 31/03/2008 12:24

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 31/03/2008 12:26

Also can I just say
Well done you.
Ignore all this crap and be proud of what you were doing that night before they ruined it for you.
Selfish gits.

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 12:26

Could I just point out that her DH has apologised? So maybe she shoudl react in the same way she hopes her sister will, accept the apology and move on?

hecate · 31/03/2008 12:28

Except that her husband consistantly for years - according to her posts - seems more loyal to her sister than to her, which, imo is much more of an issue than a silly drunken text.

Original poster
FourJays · 31/03/2008 14:29

Cheers everyone for support.
DH just texted to see if I'd heard from her yet (I texted and emailed my apology - necessary or not!) early this morning and she is ignoring me still - so I just said no. Think you are all right - be it right or wrong that I did I have actually apologised now so ball is in her court and she should have the grace to accept it.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread