Why do people get more anxious as they get older?

[NoisySnail]

I know this does not apply to every single individual, but in general people do seem to get more anxious as they get older. And I wondered why? Is it simply a natural thing to happen as you become aware that your body is deteriorating and that simple things such as falling over could have a serious consequence? Or are there other reasons?
Interested to hear anyone's thoughts on this.

Side issue but to allay one of your fears I think some animal charities will agree to take your pet if something happens to you.

Anxiety re driving - After 30 years of daily driving I dislike driving at night now because of the glare from the newer whiter glare headlights. I'm developing cataracts in my 50s (never used to wear sunglasses) so the glare is worse with the contrast between a dark street and idiot drivers with their slow automatic changeover from full beam headlights round here 😎

Anxiety around life - maybe we've seen too many things go wrong with f&f and so you have to make the effort to give yourself a talking to and reframe your mindset so as not to come across as a "negative nelly"

I'm 60 and get anxious/stressed about everything these days. That's because of years of experience of things going wrong, poor customer service, etc. I now expect the worst case scenario and am sometimes pleasantly surprised when things go well (but it's the minority of times, most of the time things go badly). I spend far too much time on double and treble checking things.

Even with appointments, I phone to check on the morning to make sure it's still going ahead, whether it's a medical appointment, hair-do, booked car test drive, or whatever. Far too many times I've turned up for something to be told it's cancelled. Worst was a 2 hour drive to a different specialist hospital for my OH to see a specialist oncologist - got there with the appointment letter in his hand to be told at the reception that the specialist doesn't work Wednesdays, yet they'd managed to send an appointment letter for a Wednesday. That was an entire wasted day!! Then you get receptionists getting stroppy when you phone at 9am to check an appointment is still going ahead!!

Airports are another kind of hell that I can't be bothered with anymore (Manchester!!). Last time we flied (and it is the last time as we'll not bother again), we left home with plenty of time, some 6 hours before the flight time, allowing 2 hours for the drive (which usually takes an hour), so 4 hours between parking, to get the airport shuttle, check in, go through security, etc. In the event, it took 3 hours to drive there as the motorway was infested with cones (but no workers) for about 40 miles of the trip causing massive congestion, then the car park shuttle bus (should be every 15 minutes) didn't appear for an hour, then horrendous queues to check in, then horrendous queues for security (we'd bought fast track, but even that was queued right back to the check in are) only one scanner open out of a possible 6-8! We literally ran to the departure gate and were the last people on before the doors were closed. Never again!

Basically, we're starting to restrict ourselves to things within our control, as these days whenever you start to rely on other people (even just to do their jobs), it's 50:50 whether they do it or not. We're doing more and more house/garden DIY, more car maintenance, etc., not because we can't afford it, but because it's nigh on impossible to find reliable people to do work for you. We buy most things off Amazon because of the ease in returning faulty stuff and avoiding the battle of wills with a stroppy counter assistant in Currys or Argos!

It's experience of life and all the crap that you get thrown at you which makes you wary and that leads to stress/anxiety.

Thank you - I have adult children who would take the dog if anything drastic happened, I'm concerned about what happened if I injured myself so that I could still walk her but not to the extent she's used to, so she'd have to put up with pottering around the village if, say, I injured my back or my ankle, rather than the miles of running she gets now. Intellectually I know she'd be fine and we'd cope, but I still worry about it!

I’ve broken both my ankles and have developed anxiety due to work place bullying. I’m find as long as I’m with my husband but doubt I will ever be as confident as I was in my 20s, when I was stupidly care free.

I have found I'm much more anxious than I used to be, the menopause has had a huge impact on that! Also had quite a few curve balls thrown at me the past couple of years and tend to be anxious because I've been in fight or flight mode 🥴 I hope I ride the wave and come out the other side. Glass half full sort of person, not one to be beaten.

I'm so sorry to read about so many suffering too, but it's also nice to not feel so alone with it

I'm definitely more physically cautious as I enter my 70's. I've watched friends and family get ill, die, have debilitating accidents, do daft things like break a hip while getting something from the loft. So I don't do daft things like go into the loft when I'm here alone. I think that's more about being sensible than anxious.

Socially and emotionally I have no more fucks to give. I really don't care what anyone thinks about my beliefs, my hairstyle or my clothing choices. If I don't want to do something or go somewhere then I won't. Life is now definitely too short to be constantly bending myself to other people's wishes.

So not more anxious as I've aged, just more aware of my own mortality so more careful about my choices.

I think when you are a child, or a young adult or middle aged generally you are achieving milestones (whether that is educationally, at work, raising a family or at a hobby). So the majority of people may feel anxious at times but generally about big things they haven't faced before, not about day to day things.

However once you retire and particularly once you start experiencing significant physical decline then as you struggle to cope with the day to day things any anxiety becomes more apparent to others because you have to rely on others for some basic things that 20 years previously you could cope with no bother. You can't 'fake it till you make it' because you know you're not going to make it, the decline is only going to get worse.

I’ve always been anxious (genetic predisposition!) but I’m getting worse as I age.I’ve always been independent and active, but I these days the thought of dealing with stuff online makes me worry as I know if I can’t manage I’ll have to ask my children to help, and I really hate feeling like a silly old lady. I’m still happy driving distances, but like another poster I ‘rehearse’ the journey and parking in my head. To someone not brought up with IT and not at all tekkie, life seems very complicated these days.

Because… menopause!

My anxiety was much much worse in my 20s.

However - I'm weirdly glad to see this thread.

Not to see the other people are struggling, but it makes me feel a lot more normal. The comments about life accumulating really resonate with me.

It's a good question. I tolerate less nonsense as I've got older but I've become an anxious driver.

It also doesn't help that my children seem to believe that I am completely ancient and decrepit. I am regularly told that I shouldn't stand on the toilet seat to adjust the cistern or on the kitchen worktop to reach the top of the cupboards, as though I am made of china. I have to reiterate to them that I am 63 not 93 and moderate physical activity probably won't kill me!

But then I find myself sitting in bed at three in the morning thinking 'but what would I have done if I fell off the worktop?' Putting the ideas in my head just makes me feel worse.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat I think you've just explained why people get cross when I mention my limitations. (I only do that when strictly necessary).

I had a big injury through a silly accident years about ten years ago, so I have been cautious since then.

I am 48 now.

A couple of years ago I fell off a stepladder. I thought I was fine using one, have done it numerous times in the interim years.

I wasn't badly hurt, but I now don't do any jobs around the flat that involve the stepladder.

I live alone, so this is a nuisance.

But yes, I think you have put something in a nutshell there that I needed to hear.

I don't go on about depressing things, but I have been isolated for sometime and I need to think really carefully what I say to people, because I can't know what thoughts I might trigger in their head.

It might also be the case that my friends think of me as a liability, and that's why I've lost so many.

This is the second mumsnet thread this week that has given me some real lightbulb moments. Very useful.

I am sure nobody thinks you are a liability at all!

Was just going to say this. I was crippled with (what I know now was) anxiety when younger. Now a lot of that was down to a difficult home environment, poor role modelling from parents etc but I've done a lot of reading/learning and feel a lot more at ease. But I suppose I was at that heightened state that people are describing now from a very young age, worries that people have about elderly parents, I was made to feel both responsible for mine but also very useless from a very early age so, despite the fact that the one left is obviously aging I'm not really bothered.

I’m 66 now always had bit of anxiety when in 20’s mortgage, marriage baby
But not to the extent it is now since menopause at 53 yrs old
I get angry, anxious , irritated tired much more

Today for instance, I’ve just put a few plants in that I picked up this morning. That stressed me a little as I had an idea where I was going but nearer I put satnav on my mobile. I got completely lost , turns out I’d gone past it 3 times, I was sweating when I got there and ended up with headache when back home

Ive put 10 plants in and feel absolutely knackered, hips ,neck are aching/hurting feel terrible at mo near on panic about how I feel
this is completely different to how much I could do last year. I’d of carried on doing something else
Im sat here now knowing I’m done in

Im sure its mostly health related. When you are young anxiety tends to be more about where you are in life (partner, kids, jobs, housing, etc), then you get to middle age and are usually more settled at which point you are probably the least anxious you will be.
Then you get older and maybe friends start to pass away, you cant do the things you used to and falling over is suddenly a potential death sentence. Makes sense to be more anxious about yourself!

Im just generalising obviously...Im currently early fifties, so give zero fucks what anybody thinks of me, not too worried about health. But I also hate walking on ice and am terrified of falling over!!LOL

There's an overwhelming obsession with the word 'anxiety' and 'being anxious' these days. Whatever happened to being worried, or concerned, or just downright miserable about a situation.

If, for example, I was was becoming increasingly concerned about my DH's progressive hearing loss, that does not mean that I have anxiety.

My mum was saying the worst thing about being older is that people assume you don’t know how things are today and can’t help, so they ask the person with you, or someone else, making you doubt yourself

I think as we age, our collective life experiences make us anxious.

Redundancy, divorce, deaths, loss etc all play a role in making us anxious. A 25 year old is unlikely to have experienced all of these, many 40, 50 or 60 year old will have experienced them all.