That sounds positive. I think it sounds like your daughter has a relatively decent understanding of her main areas of difficulty, which suggests she’s got a good level of insight for her age. And she clearly has plenty of strengths as well - and at this stage of her development, it’s vital (for her sense of self and self-esteem) to focus on strengths as much as possible. You having her back now - and reassuring her that you do - will make all the difference to not only your future relationship with her, but her own future confidence.
Adolescence is hard on lots of kids, but it’s usually the worst stage of life for kids who have ASD. So many pressures, the nature of school, increased demands on the social battery capacity, and of course the bodily changes and learning to deal with new weirdness and discomforts. In ASD, if the sensory stuff can be well managed, a lot of other difficulties can then present as less severe. It’s hard to explain just how stressful and exhausting it is to have a brain that simply can’t filter out non-essential stimuli. I’m not completely on board with the “intense world theory” of autism, but a lot of it does resonate with me; and even if it’s not completely accurate, it really helped my parents understand a bit more about why I was the way I was. (Am.) So if you haven’t come across it, it might be helpful to read a bit about it and see if it makes sense in relation to your daughter.
Are you getting any assistance in appealing the EHCP decision? It can be a very stressful and adversarial process for parents to have to deal with. But it’s hard to hold a school to any promises without an EHCP … !
I’m a mother and was also a teenager very like your daughter, so am sympathetic to both angles here. It’s horrible to feel stuck and unable to sort everything out for your child, and you wouldn’t be asking for advice if you weren’t having a terrible time trying to deal with it. I don’t usually participate in autism threads on here because it’s frankly depressing to see how frequently people give advice that in effect is “just stop being autistic” or “pretend not to be autistic”, but I couldn’t ignore this one.
Your GP sounds pretty knowledgeable to be recommending meds over therapy; I agree with other posters that therapy is likely to be pointless for now. Not only does it have to be a voluntary process, but it takes a long time to develop enough trust in a stranger to talk to them in the first place. From how you’ve described your daughter, I don’t think it would be a good use of your time to push her on the therapy issue. But although meds might be useful, CAMHS waiting lists are dire, as you’re finding out the hard way. So if there’s any scope for you as a family to get some private care/possibly meds if appropriate, with a view to switching to shared care when dosage is established, that would be worth doing. Please talk to your GP first to see how receptive they are to a potential future shared care arrangement.
I do think it’s likely that you might find that some of the difficulties really do lessen if her environment meets her needs a bit more. It’s great that you’re already engaging with the school about managing her timetable better. Drama and PE are great for most kids, but those particular classes can present so many challenges for children like your daughter that, if there’s a way of sitting them out, or only minimally participating, that’s likely to be really helpful as an adjustment. ECHP or not, schools still have to make reasonable adjustments for disability. And it’s not like you’d be asking for anything complex or expensive, just for her to be allowed to do some other quiet work during those times.
I was/am exactly the same about noise and sleep, and my family just didn't - couldn’t - understand it. And my noise sensitivity massively worsened during puberty; there’s a decent body of evidence (both proper and anecdotal) that the sensory symptoms of ASD can intensify during puberty - and for girls/women they can particularly intensify with hormonal fluctuations. So I get that there’s a gulf between her needs and the night time environment - and it might get worse for a few years before it gets better, if it ever does. Noises are a problem for people like me and your daughter because it’s so hard for our brains to relax and switch off to get to sleep in the first place - and every noise is a new stimulation and keeps the brain on alert mode, as it were. Although it’s not ideal for an ASD teen to have change bedrooms (or indeed pretty much anything!), it might be worth considering if you could reconfigure your home to swap her bedroom away from the toilet. She will probably have to get used to earplugs of some sort though, so encouraging her to do that would probably be worth your time. It’s really a trade-off: she trades a little physical discomfort for a period of time while she gets used to them, for the enormous daily mental and physical discomfort of never sleeping properly/being stressed at bedtime and arguing with other family members. There are loads of different types of earplugs available now, but persisting with one type until she gets used to the physical sensation of them is the hurdle there. I sleep with the classic 3M factory earplugs, because I need to block out as much sound as possible. Pillows are too noisy for me, that’s how ridiculous it can be. But I know people who love the soft mouldable silicone blobs instead, and others who like the headband type earphones for sleeping. In the meantime, a noise machine might help (and in case this is useful info, “pink” or “brown” noise might be better than “white” noise, which is too high pitched for lots of noise-sensitive people).
Wishing you and your family all the best. And feel free to drop me a DM if you like.