To feel like cancelling whole party due to stress?

[partypoopp]

I mean I won't really do that (although I want to!), but I don't know what to do.

DD is very clever. Birthday party this weekend. Booked x amount of places, can't do more. Dd found spare invitations and invited other children she hadn't already invited. Phone bombarded with 'thank you, we'd love to come messages' (some asking if they can bring younger sibling). AIBU to just want to cancel at this point? Don't know what to do 😭

It depends on her age. I would be tempted to cancel because I’d feeling awful telling some of the excited children that they can’t come but the others can. Cancelling everyone is easier and a consequence for DD of her actions.

if you can afford it in both finances and space, I’d do the party for all the new invitees too, but change something as a punishment to DD - ie, change the venue to something less exciting if it’s going to cost too much, or tell your DD she won’t be getting a present she was hoping for but will be getting something smaller instead because the money has to be used to pay for the people that she has invited to her party without permission.

I would be considered a very strict parent by usual MN standards but don’t know about canceling outright to punish her. Yes she does need to learn it is wrong but canceling the whole thing? It really depends how old/mature she is, and if devious behavior is out of character. Big difference between an innocent 6 year old in year 1 and a stroppy 9 year old who has been trying her parents’ patience for the past year.

Wow, agree with PPs that it isn’t remotely clever - I would also be tempted to cancel and teach her a lesson, but would certainly tell the latecomers with a stern telling off to DD not to do it again. Nothing hilarious about it 🙄, causing upset to other kids isn’t funny.

This depends on age and her general behaviour / awareness - did she realise there’s no possibility of increasing the numbers?

I wouldn’t cancel the party though just uninvite the extras. The embarrassment will be punishment enough for dd.

No to siblings. I never had anyone ask or tbh at any of the parties gone to anyone so this. Only on mn have I heard this. If limited number and you gone over I'd be tempted to cancel ..how many extra has dd asked

I think I’d change from whatever limited party it is to a cake and party games or pizza party depending on age and explain why to your DD. Cancelling seems extreme really. She’s been a bit devious but she’s only really wanting to bring all her friends.

What is the party.

You said booked x spaces and can't do more

So Is there a max number allowed in venue

So yes age depending / I would make dd tell the ones she invited they aren't now

Make sure parents also know

How many did she invite extra

Say no to siblings

Who decided which friends were coming and did she want more to come

So no she isn't clever

She's devious

I would find out who she had invited and text a simple apology and explanation. Tell her off and make it clear she was in the wrong. I would not cancel the party though. That is very OTT.

I just think everyone is taking this too seriously. She's a little girl for goodness sake, and trying to sneak in a few extra friends into her party is hardly the crime of the century. I think the way she has gone about it is bloody hilarious, but I've always secretly enjoyed children who are characters. My dc have survived and thrived btw, and grown into lovely, thoughtful, responsible young people who trust me not to over react but help them become better people when they make mistakes or bad choices.

This is what I’d do. Adjust to accommodate the situation dd has created. Full cancellation is harsh - both on her and all invitees.

Declining the extras punishes them rather than DD.

An altered party hits the right note ( just don’t upgrade to something more exciting!) . Explain to all.

I have to agree.

When I read this Op, I saw the funny side. A kid that actually might have been kind and wanting to include others in the celebration. Please don't cancel the party. If you have the funds, I would just carry on with all those now invited. You will see the funny side of this I'm sure. There are bigger things to worry about, this isn't that serious.

This why whatsapp party invites were invented. Can’t remember the last time I saw a paper invite. Maybe 2018?

But the children at 6 can understand they weren't supposed to have been invited.
Seriously?!

@StarlightLime yes seriously. My six year old would understand "Jenny did something naughty and wrote you all fake party invites. There's not really going to be a party. Now off you go and play lego."

Oh yes, sure. If the party is cancelled.
I was imaging a scenario where the latest invitees got bumped off but the original A list were still going.

I think because the child is clearly old enough to know better!
What a sneaky thing to do. I don’t find it funny at all and would absolutely cancel.

She's a little girl for goodness sake, and trying to sneak in a few extra friends into her party is hardly the crime of the century.
We have no idea if she is a little girl as the OP seems unwilling to confirm her age, apart from saying she is over 5. So she may be 6 or 11 - pretty big difference in understanding and whether this can be deemed hilarious or devious.

Even in that scenario "Jenny did a naughty thing and invited you to her party when she shouldn't have. I know it's a bit sad not to go to the party but there will be others. Now off you go to the lego". Don't make it a drama and the kids won't react.

There are two options, both which may have consequences for DD but do deal with the problem. Of course you need to explain about the cost and limits on numbers venues impose. I'm assuming DD is young enough that she's not been naughty with it.

I'd either let the parents of the DD initiated invitees know that DD gave out invitations without consent and their child wasn't invited due to limitations on numbers, so sorry. Or I'd explain to DD that rather than not inviting those she gave extra invitations to, we need to change the party because we can't pay for that many people. Then maybe change to a simpler party with games at home or in the park. The latter is probably the gentler option all round.

Either way DD is going to find friends disappointed - because of the venue change or because of not getting a real invitation. I can't see how she's not going to get peer consequences from this.

I get the impression it's infant school age, otherwise it wouldn't be an organised party with paper invitations. Its hilarious, whether 6 or 11 imo, and goodness know you need a sense of humour when raising children.

Can’t possibly comment without knowing what age she is.
Why the reluctance to say?

Though an 11 year old is much more capable of understanding, in advance, the financial implications of what they are doing. A 6 year old, not so much.

The problem here is the venue won’t accommodate extras.

There is a funny side but I think there is a balance between not punishing her too much and letting her get away with it entirely.

Tell the other children's parents what happened and apologise. Make an excuse to soften it if need be saying its all already booked for x people and my daughter knew she could only invite her very best friends.