To feel like cancelling whole party due to stress?

[partypoopp]

I mean I won't really do that (although I want to!), but I don't know what to do.

DD is very clever. Birthday party this weekend. Booked x amount of places, can't do more. Dd found spare invitations and invited other children she hadn't already invited. Phone bombarded with 'thank you, we'd love to come messages' (some asking if they can bring younger sibling). AIBU to just want to cancel at this point? Don't know what to do 😭

Cancelling someone's birthday party is a really nuclear option. Is the best option if you want your kid to hate you forever and give you no leeway or respect as they get older. She could not have understood the difficulty or she wouldn't have done it would she. This is more to the posters who are saying cancel it than you who's decided not to OP.

If she is old enough though she could help you in communicating why the uninvited people are uninvited. That's really awkward to have to do and a natural consequence too.

How old is she? I would be inclined to cancel as the party cannot go ahead with all the extra people she's invited and that's a natural consequence of what she has done. It's not clever or done without thought it's a very calculated thing to do so she's given it some serious thought.

How much older than 5? 6 and I wouldn't cancel, 10 I would certainly think about it.

I definitely don't think that the extras should come. Your DD cannot think that her act achieved anything worthwhile. You'll definitely laugh about this one day.

Oh this is so sad 😞 x

If punishing her, I'd not cancel the party (i'd be even more peeved if losing monies on the booking/food etc.). And I think it is something that will sting forever. I also don"t think it is the crime of the century.

She has to explain to friends at school that she's got it wrong and put up with their reactions.

Cancelling someone's birthday party is a really nuclear option

I agree with this! I mean yes she should get a telling off and the embarrassment of her extra friends having to be told they can't come. But I'm surprised so many say they would cancel - seems quite an extreme punishment!

If you've just had an influx of replies she's probably just sent them out. I would send an apology message explaining what has happened. Like a previous poster, if I received this I would think this was funny (and naughty) rather than be offended!

She's not clever, she's been sneaky and dishonest. I would be inclined to cancel it too to be honest. She's put you in a dreadful position.

Some people are really mean. Unless she is 16, I would absolutely not cancel the party (probably wouldn't even for an older child unless she has form for this type of thing). I would, however, sit with her while she calls all those extra people apologising for the mix up.

I wouldn’t cancel it but it would be her telling the people she invited why they can’t come.

How old is your DD?

You say clever, I say sly. Cancel.

Bloody hell-everyone is baying for your DD's blood here! She's just a kid. Kids do stupid things 🤷‍♀️
I think in most situations honesty is the best policy. I would just explain to the parents and I'm sure it will be fine.

Can you take the cost of the extra people out of her birthday present money? If bringing extra people is an option.

Saying "we'll have less money yo spend on presents now" is also a natural consequence if she doesn't want the embarrassment of cancelling people.

Just tell the other parents the truth.

How many extra children? Is it the type of thing you pay per head? How old? I’d be so embarrassed telling people they’re not actually invited so I would be telling DD all the extra children she’s invited she has to pay for out of birthday money or any other money she has

Cancelling someone's birthday party is a really nuclear option. Is the best option if you want your kid to hate you forever and give you no leeway or respect as they get older.

😂😂😂😂

Why the reluctance to say how old?

There are millions upon millions of children in the country - indeed in the world, since you could be anywhere - so it's hardly identifying.

Age makes a big difference to what's reasonable.

I would separate out the party and the "punishment".

First, I'd go ahead with the party with the originally invited children but cancel the "extras". I'd apologise to the parents and let them know what happened.

Second, I'd hold a separate "tea party" at home for the extra children that your DD invited. She's promised them a party so they should have some sort of party.

Third, I'd make sure your DD never does anything like this again by causing her significant inconvenience. Writing apology notes to the uninvited children plus spending her birthday money/pocket money on a second "party" might make her think twice in future.

So she gets two parties as a result of her underhand sneaky behaviour? That doesn't sound much like a consequence for her actions.

I agree it's devious, whatever her age.

I feel for the poor children who thought they were invited and who you will now uninvite.

I wouldn’t cancel, but I’m a sucker when it comes to making sure my DDs have fun birthdays and giving them the parties they want.

i think it would depend on the party situation. You say can’t do more, is that your budget or venue?

Id be talking to your DD, my 6yo would fully understand the situation on numbers if this happened, id tell her how wrong what she’s done is. Find out who exactly she gave extra invites to and contact those parents. Lots of apologies and explain what’s happened.

My 12 yo DD recently got a cancellation, birthday girl over invited, my dd got a message apologising explaining she’d invited too many and if dd still wanted to come she’d have to pay herself. Dd was a bit 😔 about it but I said no anyway. I also had 2 parties last week, 2 DDs birthdays, both for the first time ever had limited invitees, both had extras turn up on the day and both had others who didn’t show. One venue had food and numbers at least 2 weeks in advance, they were fine with a bit of a shuffle and in the end 1 extra on the day, they didn’t even charge me.

Yes consequences are needed but don’t cancel a child’s party.

It's not a consequence for her behaviour... It's teaching her that we should follow through on our promises to others.

Punishment should be separate. Punishments shouldn't affect others imo.

The problem with cancelling the “ extras” and going ahead is that it is the innocent extras who bear the punishment. If DD is young enough it should be overlooked and the party go ahead, then her peers are little enough that they shouldn’t have to grapple with being “uninvited” as the consequences of DD’s actions.

Personally I’d go ahead with all invitees included now, but it will have to be cake and pass the parcel at DS’s home (short and sweet if there isn’t much space to host them) and the original venue that has said no extras will have to be cancelled: paid for and forgone. Dd will still get a celebration but it will accommodate the situation she has created. And the friends won’t be uninvited.

Ah yes we crossed in posting. I agree: there’s no justification whatsoever for making the other children pay for it by sharing in the consequence.

But the children at 6 can understand they weren't supposed to have been invited. It'll be shit for a few minutes and then they'll move on.

How British to pay for a second party to avoid the awkwardness?

I'd cancel the original party and tell all the kids and parents why. No ones been uninvited, the party is cancelled.