To want my baby in nursery more

[Jundapo]

Ds is 19 months and I work 3 days and have 2 days with him. I’m finding it so hard. I dread the days with him on top of the weekend. It’s so hard. Everything I read says nursery is bad for them under age 3 but I don’t know if I can carry on like this. I feel like an awful parent all the time

[Whattheflipflap]

It’s absolutely fine to have a day on your own!

[MidnightPatrol]

He’ll be fine.

Can you up your working days / nursery days? If so, do it.

Mine goes 5 days and has done since they were tiny and are flourishing - as are the kids of most of my friends.

[HelpMeUnpickThis]

Can only share my experience - my children thrived at nursery and I was a better parent on the weekend for taking care of my own mental health and wellbeing.

I found a hybrid pattern was disruptive - keeping the routine consistent helped us . With an early pick up on Fridays and then all my enthusiasm and presence on the weekend. Worked well for us - both thriving.

[Catza]

Why is nursery so bad?
Plenty of research out there showing multiple benefits of attending nursery in early years including physical, social, cognitive and emotional development. So I can only imagine that "everything I read" mostly consists of personal anecdotes.

[Sunnnybunny72]

Mine went pt from four and five months. It saved me.
They're 21 and 18 now, both at uni.
All fine.

[ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst]

If you can afford to have an extra nursery day to have time to do house tasks and relax. You will still have 3 days with him.

[FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant]

Of course nursery isn't bad for them. What are you reading?!

[Jundapo]

It’s just Internet searches say no benefit before 3 etc and it just makes me feel so guilty

[pleasehelpagirlout]

Your feelings are valid. Can you do a half day or full day at nursery so you’ve got time to yourself? You’re not a bad mum.

[ajlots]

Being in nursery will be better for him than being at home with a miserable and stressed parent (said with no judgement, I was that miserable and stressed parent which was why I worked full time guilt free, it was in both our interests!)

[paristotokyo]

Don't feel guilty. Do what you need to do. Mine went PT from 18 months and still goes and loves it. I also still sent him whilst I've been on mat leave. Take a day for yourself!

[Catza]

@Jundapo

It’s just Internet searches say no benefit before 3 etc and it just makes me feel so guilty

Strange, because even in the most cursory search the first page I get is list of endless benefits of nursery for children of all ages. Agree with the PP. The child is much better off in the nursery with engaging staff and peers than at home with a stressed parent.

[Scirocco]

Nursery can be great for children under 3. My DC's been going 3 days a week from 8 months old and they love it - they're 2 now, race in to see their friends and teachers, come home with new songs and dances, their sharing and turn-taking is developing really well... You could try going up to 4 days to see how it goes, if you want, rather than jumping to 5 days. Having a bit of time to yourself is important and can mean you enjoy your time with your child more because you've got more energy and ideas.

[TokyoSushi]

I have always been better as a working parent, SAHM is just not for me. DC are now 11 & 13, I absolutely love spending time with them and we have a great relationship, but those toddler years were hard!

[NuffSaidSam]

How does he feel about nursery?

If he loves it I wouldn't hesitate to put him for an extra day a week.

If not, could you get a babysitter or a nanny for a day a week? So he can still get out and about and get a bit of variety but you get some down time.

[Maray1967]

@Jundapo

It’s just Internet searches say no benefit before 3 etc and it just makes me feel so guilty

You’re reading garbage put there to make working mums feel bad!!

Mine are 23 and 16. They went 3 days every week including right through the year except for family holiday in the summer. Sometimes they did an extra day when work was busy. They thrived and both loved it. They both went from 8 months old - no year off in those days!!

Why not at least do an extra morning and then have a run around in the park in the afternoon?

[Jundapo]

@Catza

Strange, because even in the most cursory search the first page I get is list of endless benefits of nursery for children of all ages. Agree with the PP. The child is much better off in the nursery with engaging staff and peers than at home with a stressed parent.

@Catza for example… https://www.cheekychums.co.uk/what-is-the-best-age-to-send-my-child-to-nursery-school/#:~:text=However%2C%20experts%20assured%20that%20it,to%20their%20'emotional%20equilibrium'.

says that children experience stress between 1 and 2

[sociallydistained]

@Catza

Why is nursery so bad?
Plenty of research out there showing multiple benefits of attending nursery in early years including physical, social, cognitive and emotional development. So I can only imagine that "everything I read" mostly consists of personal anecdotes.

No, it's actual attachment theory and scientific research. A child being with their main caregiver is the best thing for a child before 3. If you had seen what it's really like in a nursery you wouldn't put any child in one.

[Tiswa]

What is causing you all o think you are an awful parent - and will nursery solve the issue or will you just worry you are being an awful parent and spending out money!

[Jundapo]

Yes he does like it or seems to. Smiles going and and smiling when I collect him. I just feel bad that if I change this then he’s in nursery more than at home. I’ve tried to keep going until now but he’s become really hard work since 18 months and I’m struggling

[Catza]

@sociallydistained

No, it's actual attachment theory and scientific research. A child being with their main caregiver is the best thing for a child before 3. If you had seen what it's really like in a nursery you wouldn't put any child in one.

I have seen it with my own eyes as a child. Loved every minute of it.

[Nilin]

I worked the same patterns and found it harder at times around that age as they are still a bit young for lots of things, but it got vastly easier as she approached 2. Have you got a routine of where you go? It helped me having a note in my phone with lists of playgroups and activities on my day with her so I could easily pick somewhere and I wasn't struggling to entertain her.

[DanielGault]

@sociallydistained

No, it's actual attachment theory and scientific research. A child being with their main caregiver is the best thing for a child before 3. If you had seen what it's really like in a nursery you wouldn't put any child in one.

Lots of things are the 'best thing' for a child. Unfortunately a lot of people don't get to waft through the meadows breastfeeding with gay abandon. So less of that working mother shaming please.

[Knittedfairies2]

Don't believe everything you read on the net; you know your child best. Try an extra day and see how it goes.

[MidnightPatrol]

@sociallydistained

No, it's actual attachment theory and scientific research. A child being with their main caregiver is the best thing for a child before 3. If you had seen what it's really like in a nursery you wouldn't put any child in one.

I’m not sure they’re so bad - my child runs into the building, so I don’t get the impression they hate it.

They do messy play every day, garden to play in, music and singing, little soft play, painting, endless food, nap happily… The staff are all lovely - and my child has a strong bond with them.

I struggle to believe all nurseries are a bad environment.

And - all the kids I know have been at nursery since ~9 months and all seem very balanced!