Buying a house, blending family and finances

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I am in the process of buying a house with my partner of 2 years and we have 2 children each from previous relationships who live with us individually full time.
We have not spoke about finances until the last few days and it has gone sour!
when we worked out the finances, she suggested 65% of our wages each month however this means that I pay almost £2925 per month and she pays £1300. I didn’t think that was fair although she does receive child benefit and tax credits which she will lose if we move in and I am happy to pay more however I think £1700 a month more is excessive if we are going in together. She receives DLA for both her kids which is £1300 and child maintenance totalling £530 on top of her wages. I receive £400 a month DLA for my son and have a rental income from a property which give me £800 a month on top of my wages.
Am I being unreasonable thinking that paying £1700 more a month on a house that we both own 50/50 although we both matched the deposit for the mortgage.
please be honest

lol is this the other side of the coin?

Seriously - we've all read the other thread

🥱 don’t ask people to be honest if you don’t want to share your £207K earnings (excluding rental income last year) in your list of details.

😂

You already posted this today you just switched round as if you’re the man now

Seems like the other side of it! Still 2 years is far too soon to be blending and both should stick to their own houses - the advice is the same do not do it

You forgot to mention your massive fucking bonus

I mean if you're both turning to the internet to convince yourselves you're right, the relationship is fucked anyway.

What your TOTAL take home per month, and what’s hers? Lots of figures flying about but no totals. Also, you are aware that DLA is for the child’s needs and should not be really counted as spending money by either side. It will go over to the kids when they reach adulthood. As you’ve said, she’ll lose top up benefits etc by moving in with you. Why should she match your input and have zero left every month for personal use?

Share disposable income 50:50 rather than splitting bills

Just to add, as if it needs saying, there’s kids involved here. If you can’t agree that the whole family deserve the same enjoyment and outcomes in life, then you’ve got no business blending anyone!

Do not move in together or attempt to blend families after only 2 years together.

Both of you need to put your children's welfare above your own. Much better to keep 2 households and just date casually. 2 years is nothing. You barely know each other.

But if/when you do move in together then of course the person with the higher income puts more into the communal pot. If you aren't ok with that then relationships aren't really your thing. Consider getting a pet instead.

If, in the teensy off chance, you're the man that has now posted this, if the wages posted in the/your previous post are to go by, your wages far exceed your partners. In which case, it's entirely reasonable that you should be willing to pay more. But as posters in the last thread have mentioned, if you can't come to a reasonable agreement whereby you're both able to save and have a reasonable amount of individual money, don't move in totogether. You/you both, are clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Just one point - DLA is awarded to ensure there's money there to meet the person's needs. If any children involved have DLA, that's separate. That shouldn't go into the 'family pot'. It's not family money - it's there to provide whatever the person requires as part of their ongoing care.

You’ve already posted this from the other side of the coin, posting it again pretending to be the DP is just annoying. You already had perfectly good answers.

If you are the original poster just turning it around lots of people gave sound advice on your first post. I'm not quite sure why you would post again. If you are the DP I don't think you have included your enormous bonus or your consultation with friends and family about your joint finances.

YABU - fair does not mean doing the same thing.

why would you want to impoverish your partner in this way?

you should put your salary, bonus and rental income in then work out what your bills are as a percentage of this. Then you’ll see how much free money you have.

despicable you’re going for a child’s PIP money but hoarding all your own rental /bonus money .

ihope this woman ends things. It’s a tough enough job being a social worker and having 2 kids…without having a “partner” like you.

YABU. Red flag etc etc

Put in 65% of the deposit, own house as tenants in common and do a declaration of trust to that effect.

And pay for a nanny and housekeeper if you expect her to do more than 50% of the childcare, shopping, laundry, cleaning, tidying, ironing, home maintenance, sorting out the finances, taking out the bins, looking after pets, school drop offs, pick ups etc etc

Hate reverse threads.

You shouldn't be moving in with each other.

If you can’t agree you shouldn’t be doing it.

She can’t afford to live by your terms.

You want her disabled child’s income to allow her to be on a level playing field when you get £200,000 a year - you should be ashamed.

So - you want her to throw her disabled daughter's PIP payments into the pot, but also keep your £100,000 bonus all to yourself?

You don't deserve her.

Your income of 207,000 is equivalent to a monthly take home after tax of over 10k.

Your partners income of 30,000 is a monthly take home of around 2,100. If you add on the child maintenance her income comes to around £2,600. The DLA should not be added for any of the children as that is directly for them.

Your partners take home pay is roughly a quarter of yours. If you go 50:50 on an expensive house she will be left with nothing left and you will have over 7k left each month.

How can you be a couple/partnership when one half of the couple is skint and one half loaded?

If you want to go 50:50 on the mortgage and all bills you will need to choose a property where the mortgage and all bills comes to 2-3k all together so that your partner has money left to live on after her half of bills. I would still advise your partner not to move in as it doesn't sound much fun for her scraping by while you have multiple thousands spare each month. She is better off remaining in her own place with her dignity in tact.

Everyone told her to bin you off mate.

....and 65% of your income going into the pot each month is £6,500 not less than £3000. You only made it less than £3000 because you chose to ignore great chunks of your income (100k bonus anyone) ...whilst not omitting the children's DLA.

Either move in together and share. That means pooling all money except for the DC DLA. Pay all bills then share what's left between the family. Or, don't move in together. You've acknowledged she will lose her benefit top ups. You won't be losing anything. Why should she make sacrifices which means her DC will lose out, for you?

£1300 DLA pm for two children suggests at least one of them has the highest level funding. And you are planning to blend three children who are recognised as disabled into a family based on a 2 year relationship?

Even able bodied and neurotypical children would struggle with this but you are expecting far too much from children who already have more than their fair share of challenges on their plates.

I really don't recommend you "blend" your families yet..........