Why are people using the made up word rapey?

[BirthdayRainbow]

It diminishes a violent act that is so awful for the victims. It is rape.

If someone is behaving in a way that appears it might lead to rape then they are potential abusers or appearing capable of assault. They are not yet rapists.

Remember when Kiddy fiddler was used to discuss sexual abuse of children? That was insulting too.

If you use the word, why?

I suppose my AIBU question is am I over reacting but tbh I feel what I do and if you disagree that is fine too. I'm seeing it used more and more on here.

oh ffs 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄offence for the sake of being offended.

Young people are always inventing new words.
I don’t think I’ve heard this said though

Rapey is a useful word, I think it carries all the concerns you want to give without sounding like you have written a statement to be read out in court.
also rape is so unendingly horrendous, it’s hard to say the word rape without a physical reaction, it’s a very difficult word to speak out loud.
Even saying rapeseed about all the yellow fields at the moment feels uncomfortable.

It is used so that people can warn each other without being too triggered into horrific images and getting too deep into a serious discussion.

Op I'd never thought of it as diminishing rape, thanks for your thoughts.

I've often heard teenagers (I teach) using the term and have considered that at least they are able to call out the sort of behaviour that even 10 years ago girls (mostly) were told to ignore. Labelling these behaviours in such a way can only be positive step towards a societal shift in attitudes towards inappropriate (at best) behaviour, despite the misuse of the term?

I think it’s done in humour. I don’t think people call something “Rapey” and genuinely believe that person is capable of rape. More that is an absurd exaggeration. Ie it’s just someone who is odd or crossing a boundary. It’s done as a joke.

But not funny and is minimising rape.

to the pp who have been raped. It’s important to hear your perspective.

Is your eye rolling directed the rape survivors who have posted?

I see the ‘casualness’ as indicative of a greater willingness to acknowledge and specifically name sexually predatory behaviour/‘vibes’. It’s direct, (whereas calling someone dodgy is more open to interpretation - what flavour of dodgy? Are we talking ‘sexual predator’, or ‘sells knock offs’?) and more accessible for many than more formal terms.

In terms of linguistics, language is a living thing in a constant state of change. New words enter the common vernacular all the time.

There are a lot of posts so forgive me if I don't name check the latest posts personally. I have been dealing with bad behaviour by my STBEH but have been thinking about the victims of rape who have given their accounts as well as other posters. It's been an interesting discussion and it has helped me in a way I can't yet articulate. Thank you. 💐

@Lwrenn you're very kind, thank you. 🌷

No worries OP and no need to mention - it's not expected.

Also while we disagree I think it's a really good discussion to have.

To me, 'rapey' is a cultural description. The first time I heard it was in relation to the Pharrell Williams song Blurred Lines - the lyrics were described as rapey ('you know you want it' etc). I think it's been a good way to draw attention to the fact that something doesn't have to be literal actual rape or unequivocal justifications of rape to be absolutely not OK, and to contribute to a cultural atmosphere in which women feel unsafe. But I agree it can also sound a bit larky or dismissive now. Like a lot of slang, the way it's used has morphed over time. Maybe it's had its day.

I think it we put the term under the spotlight, its problematic for the many good reasons pps have mentioned. However, I do think its become a useful addition to the language women and girls can use to describe specific male behaviour that they might otherwise struggle to explain or define. Not everyone has access to an extensive vocabulary to express what they mean, but if a woman describes a man as 'rapey' that's the only word she needs to paint a very clear picture. I hear the term a lot amongst the women and girls I support, and always know exactly what they're talking about without pushing them for details.

@5128gap I've just had a flash back to when I was a child and needed to tell my friend that my foster carer was abusing me but I didn't know how to say it. So I showed her the word incest in the dictionary as I knew what that meant and it meant that she had warning what i needed to talk to her about and meant she could help me tell her. It's a valid point you raise.

Yes, this is it exactly. The way I see it, women and girls have taken this word and given it meaning for them. It's a word used by survivors that helps them disclose, and by women and girls seeking to protect each other. I understand why you have a different perspective though OP.

@5128gap but my perspective has changed due to the many brave, kind and thoughtful posters who have explained their feelings so calmly and I no longer feel the same as I did when I read the word. It's been very helpful 💐

Its been a useful thread OP. Good to see women offering different perspectives on this controversial term, with respect and sensitivity, which you've facilitated with your own approach. Thank you for starting it.

Absolutely and thank you @5128gap . I think there was only one comment that was out of turn and order but everyone has been very respectful and supportive. It's been lovely to see on such a difficult subject.

I've been thinking on some of the other words suggested to describe uncomfortable behaviour, and think it's worth pointing out that, at least online, many men are very dismissive now of the word "creepy" because they have decided that it simply means "unattractive" (as in the way men's actions are interpreted by women is completely dependent on the looks of the man) because of course it's women at fault and not the behaviour of men. I think that's another reason that the word "rapey" has become useful. Less ambiguity in what we know their behaviour means.

So the word isn’t the problem, the people are.

I have used the word in both a serious and non serious way