This isn’t new terminology, it’s been used for decades. It also doesn’t talk about a rapist, it talks about a man who behaves in a way that makes your spidey senses tingle and you wouldn’t trust alone because you imagine given half the chance he’d do something untoward, up to and including rape. But it is extreme to go around saying that man “seems like a rapist” because they’ve not yet done anything actually pinpointable as assault or misconduct.
it’s a descriptive term and it being accepted amongst women gives us a good way to warn other women of a man who has our instincts screaming without actually having logical reason for it, or at least much evidence of someone who would commit a crime. I think it’s apt in this context.
if someone was raped but the police, for example, called it “oh he was a bit rapey with her”, then of course that would be diminishing!
edited to add that in your context of the bus stop, if you remove the word rapey from the lexicon a woman standing there might feel to ott thinking “he feels like a sex offender” simply for having been asked the time. This would have her second guessing herself. Using the term rapey is exactly describing the vibe she gets from this person without having to have any justification for it. Sleazy wouldn’t be apt, that can just mean a man who sleeps around and cracks on to everyone without crossing the line into assault. Pervy? Maybe. But also less serious, perhaps just a grotesque man to avoid but again maybe not an offender.
For me, about 15 years ago when I moved into a shared house, a man there came across incredibly well…but he felt sinister and ‘rapey’. I distinctly remembering my friend whispering when he left the room-I don’t know why, but he feels a bit…rapey? And we both knew that we felt something seriously off about him. But she had felt ashamed to say it because it was accusing a perfectly nicely presenting man of being a sex offender. The -y on the end softened the accusation just enough for her to have the confidence to share that with me (we were strangers at the time).
anyway, he did turn out to be a sex offender and I’m glad we were able to share our concerns in a quick, shared language manner and work as a team to figure him out and keep each other safe. It was a tough period of time.
this is not the only time this has happened and for transparency, I too have been SA’d/rped more than once (sadly I’m sure most women on here have)
of course you are entitled to feel how you feel and can see how the -y might make it sound flippant but I just wanted to explain the reasons I feel differently and more positively about it.