Why are people using the made up word rapey?

[BirthdayRainbow]

It diminishes a violent act that is so awful for the victims. It is rape.

If someone is behaving in a way that appears it might lead to rape then they are potential abusers or appearing capable of assault. They are not yet rapists.

Remember when Kiddy fiddler was used to discuss sexual abuse of children? That was insulting too.

If you use the word, why?

I suppose my AIBU question is am I over reacting but tbh I feel what I do and if you disagree that is fine too. I'm seeing it used more and more on here.

I have been a victim. And I don’t have a problem with the term (albeit it has the potential to be misused, much like gaslighting has been). I think it captures behaviour that is indicative of a predatory nature or might lead one to believe the person might commit an offence.

It's only been recently I've been able to type the word & frankly even in wordle I avoid anything that could wind up with the letters '_rape' on the screen, cos it happened once & it was really triggering. So please do not assume things about me, or anyone for that matter, it's breathtakingly disrespectful & I was not being so to you.

And no, neither dodgy or creepy are strong enough & the usage is too old.

It's fucking horrible isn't it. I saw it used on another thread earlier and it made me raise an eyebrow but I didn't reply to that post. I thought everything you are saying when I read it.

Massively disrespectful to victims of rape, it belittles the seriousness of the crime and it's lasting effects.

Yeah, exactly. Like, “I used to be a big fan of Celebrity X, until he made that rapey ‘joke’ about giving women enough drinks to make them ‘friendly.’”

I don't like it as I do think it minimises and the "bit" indicating a scale doesn't sit right with me.
I think predatory is a better word to use which conveys the same meaning

Language changes. The amount of kids who describe people as paedos for even looking their way. I don’t believe it diminishes the act. PTSD is thrown about. OCD, I’m a bit autistic/adhd, I have anxiety. The list is endless.

I have 3 children and work in a school. Maybe I’m just immune to hearing it all now.

No its not.
Language matters.

“Creepy” and “dodgy” don’t really communicate the same thing. Is your neighbor “creepy” because he tries to lure children into his house, or “creepy” because he puts up the goriest Halloween decorations and has a zombie tattooed on his arm?

As an American, my first exposure to the word “dodgy” was in Harry Potter books, where it wasn’t being used to describe anything sexually predatory at all. Like, “Don’t eat that sweet - I think it’s one of Fred and George’s dodgy ones that explodes.”

But people aren’t using ‘rapey’ to describe an actual rape

I think 'creepy' and 'dodgy' are even more minimising when it comes to describing sexual predatory behaviour.

Haunted houses are creepy, Del Boy is dodgy.

Neither of those things point towards a potential rapist.

@Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream I am sorry you have even a victim 💐. I absolutely respect you right to not mind the term and actually while I can't articulate why, that does help me and I thank you for your post.

@Caerulea I absolutely wasn't assuming anything and I am sorry if I have upset you. I was talking from my point of view that those words would be more palatable for me and potentially others. I was meaning that dodgy and predatory were words that could describe behaviour that wasn't rape. I feel there has been misunderstandings but I still genuinely apologise for upset I have caused you.

I was not saying that creepy and dodgy were alternatives to rape.

@Caerulea I have had a look and I think I slightly misread your first post so again, apologies.

All words start off made up. The word ‘smog’ didn’t exist 150 years ago. They needed a new word so they made one. Most of us know what ‘smog’ means.

Most of us can get the gist of ‘rapey’.

I’ve never heard an actual rapist referred to as rapey.

I've heard sexually aggressive behaviour referred to as rapey. Or coercive language as rapey. Or specific creepy behaviour, stuff that ‘creepy’ doesn’t quite fully convey because there’s a sexual undertone, as rapey.

I don’t think it diminishes the word ‘rape’. I don’t think it’s a flippant word. I’ve not heard it used in any way other than to warn people off someone who is felt to be a cause for concern, and to be avoided.

@AllThePotatoesAreSinging I am not saying that rapey is used to describe a rapist and you can't compare making up a word to describe weather with a violent act. I know words evolve. I'm just saying I don't like it and wonder why people use it and not any number of established words to describe a man who is behaving in a way that is threatening.

All words are made up. ‘Rapey’ is a natural linguistic progression word in the same vein as ‘movie’ or ‘jumpy’. The pictures moved so they were movies, you made me jump so I am jumpy. You seem like you might be capable of rape so you’re rapey. On a purely linguistic level it’s very normal and common to do this.

It’s fine you don’t like it, but this is what language does.

It’s a way of conveying a lot on information into a short word. That was my point in using the example I chose. There’s not really a similar word, or not one sufficiently charged that I can think of off the top of my head, which is probably why ‘rapey’ is being used.

I have been raped and I don’t have an issue with the word. I agree with a PP that I think it’s actually good that it makes people aware what you mean when you say a person is dodgy.
I also don’t really see how it diminishes rape.

Totally agree.
A man who I thought was a decent fella said to me the other day "Ah I was sweating like a rapist" wtf! It just goes to show how long people have gotten away with using language like that they don't even try to hide it..

I find your post interesting @TheOriginalEmu , thank you.

It is disappointing @OkPedro . Normalising the word in so much as casualness as in your example is worrying.

Agree with this.

I've also been raped and don't feel there is anything wrong with the term rapey, to me it's a red flag indicator about a person's behaviour, useful knowledge that would help me keep my distance from them for my own safeguarding IYSWIM As others have said language develops , it's not at all cutesy in my opinion.

It's easily done, especially on such an emotive subject 💐

Yeah see that sets my teeth on edge

I don’t think it diminishes anything. It’s a very fitting word for some men.

I am finding that posters who have been raped but say they don't find the word offensive in the same way that I do is actually quite illuminating so I appreciate your comments.