To regret having children??

[LG123]

I know it's done to death but I'm exhausted.

I'm a lone parent, please don't ask about my children's fathers - not around and that's the end of it. Don't want to be berated for my poor choice in men. I was diagnosed with PND the other week so that will be making it worse but;

My 5yo is too much to the point I'm exhausted, my 6mo has his little challenges but is far easier than my eldest (for now). She doesn't SHUT UP and is constantly talking - excessively. No words for the amount of energy she has, she doesn't have an off button, when I send her to bed she doesn't sleep and will often refuse to go - good sleeper as a baby but since 9mo old she's been terrible. Friends and family have noted how bouncy she is and how much she talks, I'll ask friends to meet and if I have the kids they'll say I don't have energy for little lady today (just baby, no problem). She just exhausts me, it's like sensory overload by the time we're in from the school run that's it I'm ready for bed!

When I do get a break I get judged and berated by most people I know and I'm just burning the candle and both ends - no idea what I'll be like post maternity leave!

Sorry if I'm rambling but I'm half asleep all the time, she's just so intense and I don't know what to do. I honestly never thought I'd say I wish I never had children

It’s really hard on your own I’ve been there.
Can you afford after school club or holiday club? I still use holiday club for mine a day a week but when my second was a baby, the eldest spent a lot of time at holiday club. If you get certain benefits some holiday clubs are free.
I used to go to the park in the evening between tea and bedtime to pass the time or a long walk. It did wear me out as well.

Is there homestart in your area? As they might be able to help with a volunteer once a week

@Autumn1990 yeah holiday club no problem, couldn't afford it over the easter break as we've just moved so I'm probably doubly exhausted from being with her all the time for 2 weeks.

I make any excuse for my mum to have them. I can't bear being a parent a lot of the time ATM 🥺

How is your little girl at school? Excessive talking and 'not having an off button' can be indicative of ADHD. You're not alone, OP.

I regret becoming a parent as well as I'm also a lone parent and people have the cheek to tell me I'm "lucky" my ex doesn't see them?! wtf

Yes the teacher mentions these issues. Even when I'm trying to do parents evening, I don't actually get to talk to the teacher!

I do have my suspicions regarding ADHD yes.

Definitely look for Homestart if it's near you or anything your local council may have links to. There's people out there but their funding is variable and they're not necessarily brilliant on web pages etc.

The people are usually exceptionally brilliant when you find them.

Try your authority's "Local Offer" links.

You need support. It is there. We're here.

While you're overwhelmed just keep knowing you're not on your own. My eldest hasn't drawn a breath yet with talking and she's in her 20's!

And care for you. You love them. Love you too.

@FlowersInAFlowerBed don't even start me on that shit, I go out every Saturday night once they're in bed because I need the peace and not necessarily booze fuelled but just the respite. I can almost guarantee I would be out once a month or every other weekend and I'd still be judged the same because I'm like parent I should be with my fucking kids 24 fucking 7. It is like people want me to break and fail.

I have no doubt it seems overwhelming, but start the process of getting her assessed – the school should assist you with this if you speak to the SENCO lead. Say it is affected your whole family's wellbeing. Also discuss with your GP. If she does have ADHD, there are tactics and/or medications to help.

Just to say my eldest is under GP for ADHD assessment. Didn't want to internet diagnose!

Completely you need to get out.

Do not ever apologise for that.

Oh dont even hesitate to get your Saturday night out every week if you have the opportunity. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Theyre not living your life so its makes no difference to you how much they care.

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed but it does sound as though you a doing a remarkable job by yourself.

Vent when you need to, dont feel bad about it. Its bloody tough going but you will push through..you are pushing through.

And hopefully you get all the help you need quickly in regards to an assessment.

The Easter holidays have been hard going.
Are there free activities at your local library etc in the holidays?
Local paper, Facebook, mumbler website, posters are good ways of finding activities. Local museums often have things going on. I plan out the activities for the holiday before it starts and I aim for free activities.
Are there any community fridges near you? They’re listed on the hub bub and give out free food as part of a campaign to reduce food waste. Lots of volunteers there and usually the same people visiting so you get to chat.

To answer the question - no, adult children are worth the hard work.

However it is hard going when you're in the thick of it, especially as a single parent.

@Scissor thank you! Will definitely take a look at homestart and I'm really fortunate with the family support that I do have. I feel awful sometimes just for making excuses - I'll tell mum that we have a health visitor appointment, it will be at 10am but I'll tell her it's a 2pm so she'll get her from school as I just dread pick up as from there it's non fucking stop and brain feels like it will explode.

Aha, I see about internet diagnosing but yeah I definitely have my suspicions.

I never apologise for being out, it just winds me up - 'why are you in the pub all the time getting drunk??' - I'm not that just happens to be when see me ONCE a week. These are the same people that will comment about just how much energy she has and how much she talks and that it's too much for them to handle in one day?? Okay, I appreciate that she's not your child but how do you think I cope with it 7 days a week EVERY week? I don't that's the problem, so when you see me out quit the fecking judging and just let me have my 'rest' as it's what makes me a better parent.

@Autumn1990 honestly?? I just don't have the energy or the motivation to get out of the house most of the time at the moment if I'm on my own and I know that's awful. I miss year round nursery where they did most of it right now. Breakfast till bed 5 days a week. Holiday club is the way forward for me.

@Tumbleweed101 by god I hope you're right and I'm trying to see this light. 15 years feels like a long time away at the moment 🙈

I note you say you have just been diagnosed with PND, have you thought about / been offered medication?

I can relate to a lot you are saying, in a different way though, but taking medication made me able to manage the day to day!

I would say that getting out was really good for me.

Then I was a much better mother.

In the day, I drove, danced, drank water, delivered friends home and did a week's shop in the 24 hour Tesco in whatever outfit I was in.

I like being out. I like my friends. I love my children. It's all tough .. get any support anywhere that you can.

On your own, Goaway (apt name!), are you?

She has PND. You clearly know nothing about PND. The OP is unwell and that is why she is speaking as she is. Your post is really unhelpful

I don't care what's unhelpful to her. Things she's said are awful. The more she says them the more that thought is engrained in her head. Here we are.

When you say you go out every Saturday but not always do the pub where else do you go?

I know that going out on a Saturday night to have a drink feels like down time but it'll be setting you up to have an even harder week. It's a shitty cycle. Can you afford some childcare for the week so you can have more time to yourself? Are you taking any meds for your pnd?

Yep usually am