No dinner after 120 mile journey

[spanieleyes22]

So I travelled to see my sister who is ill and when I got there her dh said to me that he had made spag bol for himself and the 2 kids but that I could have a look in the kitchen and cook something for myself and my sister (who didn't want a dinner as she didn't feel like it)

In the end my sis said to him could I not have the spag bol as well and he said perhaps but that he needed to eat with the kids 8 and 14. So he cooked pasta for them and the 3 of them sat up to the table and had their meal. Then he called me and showed me the uncooked spaghetti and the leftover bol and said I could cook mine.

What do you all
Think

It was the same on Sunday I cooked dinner and we arranged 5 pm but at 5 he was still in the pub so I went ahead and ate with the kids and left a plate for him

He was punishing you for this, I guess

It's not a timing thing. He came up to the bedroom and told my sister he was going to start cooking the pasta. But that I was cooking something different for her and me. And she said she didn't want anything and why couldn't I have some spag bol. So he said ok. He then went down and cooked enough for himself and kids: ate dinner with them/ then let me
Know the stove was free to cook my own pasta. I did this and sat up
By myself . Hope that's clear. It wasn't a timing thing

Your poor sister. She sounds very ill and her husband sounds horrible.

@spanieleyes22 sorry about your sis.

It was unkind of him given that you are a guest and you're worried about her.

You have made me crave spaghetti bolognese now though! I'd just need some peppers.

I really don’t think you’re the weirdo here.
I’ve had to reread all your posts because I just don’t get why someone would deliberately exclude someone else that’s in the house.
Whats wrong with this guy.

Why not just say, if you’re cooking can you cook for me too as it’s a bit weird that you don’t. Offer to take turns and you cook for everyone next time.

Some people are soooo weird

I did cook for everyone. The next day: I felt I couldn't say anything as he didn't really give me a chance and also I didn't want to rock the boat or upset my sis so I just did what he said

He doesn't want you there, so is trying to make you feel awkward, buy some microwave meals and ignore him, look after you sister

Tbh hes a selfish twat.
If i was already part cooking pasta, i would give you my portion and boil some after everyone had theirs on their plate. If i invite someone to stay, i cook meals. My bro came to stay and he didnt have to lift a finger, but nonetheless, even if hes run ragged, another portion of spaghetti wont kill him. Selfish man food situation

Yeh same. But it wasn't even a timing thing. He did it deliberately and told me what the plan was before he even boiled the water. He said he was eating with the kids but I could cook my own when they were done

After the weekend with him in my mind I'm thinking I will never ever visit them again. I'll meet my sister out of the house or she can come to mine with the kids who I adore. But I can't be around him it's really upset me. Am I selfish should I be more tough

Pretty weird to focus on you not getting given dinner when the real issue is that he treats your sister like shit

7 minutes is only for shit pasta.

Buy better pasta.

If he's abusive though towards your sister it could be a ploy to stop you going, alienating her from family you know. Is she well enough to travel if shes ill? Theres only 3 options...stop going and have sis and kids stay at yours. Go over and stay but just do your own tea, sisters etc..not his. Go over there and stay in hotel.

I dunno, sometimes we skirt around the main issue. You see it all the time on MN.

OP was tired, hungry and upset.

I think if you'd rather have sister and children over to stay @spanieleyes22 ask her if she'd like a change of scenery.

I don't buy pasta at all because we don't like it.

I have an unholy love for spaghetti

What a weirdo. I would have ordered take out for you and your sis.

I think it’s intentional op. If your sister cannot or will not travel to you (with DC) then I would continue to visit her and dc and ignore BIL. Greyrock may be appropriate here. Sister is more important than food. Recognize him for the person he is …rude demanding unempathetic selfish ? and focus on your ill sister. No shit head BIL is keeping me away from my DS. Pack food or order food or find some work around and stay away from him as much as possible. Possibly he doesn’t really like your sister either and of course there’s nothing more inconvenient than an ill spouse who you barely like when they are well. He may be projecting his irritation onto you. Be there for your sister

Check in with your sister away from him and investigate if she is ok and cared for in her relationship. I’m hoping he just wasn’t thinking but if not he sounds like he might be challenging to live with.

It’s odd, but I do know families where people eat separately because the kids eat too early for them. Deciding you would have some spag bol could have been understood that you would eat with him and the kids or that you would have some later after visting with your sister. It sounds more like miscommunication than deliberate rudeness.

This reminds me of when a friend of mine was in an abusive relationship. Her partner always created a really bad atmosphere, but in ways that were subtle enough to give him plausible deniability. Like they would invite us for dinner and when we arrived he wouldn't talk to us and go sit somewhere else to eat because he was "tired". Or we would go for a day out at a museum or similar and he would just walk off and disappear for hours, or talk on the phone.

Omg this has happened a lot!!!!! I remember him taking his dinner outside to eat alone I remember him disappearing on days out with his phone

Maybe in some families but at home in my mothers we would always eat together unless it was a school night or something . But if someone came over we would never eat separately and let them eat alone. Same for my sister they always eat together unless it's school or trainings or whatever

I think it's rude af. If I couldn't add more pasta in at the time, when I drained mine/my children's I'd stick it in then. And it'd be ready by the time I finished mine. I would not expect a guest to serve themselves. What's wrong with him!?

I think NeedToChangeName is right - he did this in petty retaliation for Sunday.
He is also communicating that he doesn't want you there, so if his behaviour makes you stay away he is getting what he wants and cutting you off from your sister who clearly needs you