To still go on holiday whilst Dad is unwell

[Dinoswearunderpants]

It's such a subjective question and I just don't know what to do, please be kind as I'm struggling loads.

We're due to fly to Orlando tomorrow for little ones 3rd birthday. However my Dad is really poorly.

He's been in/out of the hospital for the last 18 months. He's really unwell currently fighting a bad injection.

He's stable but so unwell. He could make a recovery or he could not.

He is adamant we still go on holiday. He doesn't want his grandson missing out. I've explained we could move it to another time but he even shouted at me today saying I must go.

I feel so conficted. I don't want to go against his wishes but also if the worse happened, how could I forgive myself.

I just don't know what to do. I could fly home if he has a turn but I might not make it back in time.

Or he could be getting all the rest he needs whilst we're away and I can see him when we return and perk him up with all the nice stories etc.

WWYD.

So sorry for your loss. Your instinct to stay was right 💔

@Dinoswearunderpants so sorry for your loss. Your instinct was spot on to stay. I'm glad you were here for him

i am so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss OP xxx sending massive hugs

I was going say stay, my Dad passed last year and I regret every second not spent with him near the end. Just saw your update, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss OP. 💐
That's really sad.

My parents went away when my grandad was in hospital, he died 2 days after they went. My mum had left written instructions about his funeral & wishes. By the time they came home 3 days later the funeral was all booked, we had done the registry office stuff & all that needed doing was to sort his bank accounts, insurance policies & dispose of his clothes. My mum had been caring for him for over 3 years after my Nan died & was exhausted, she needed the holiday, it wouldn't have changed anything had she not been away. Make sure you have good insurance that will cover you if you need to return home early if an emergency happens & enjoy your holiday.

Sorry I didn't see your update, I'm sorry for your loss.

There was an update...

I am so sorry OP. I hope that his passing was peaceful. X

You did the right thing by staying ❤️ so sorry for the loss of your dear father 💔 I lost my father too so I know the feeling 😔 hope in the coming days you find ease in the pain of losing him 🙏

It's so difficult to know. My cousin came back from an extended trip early because they thought my aunt was at the end of life. She is still alive now two years later.

A friend went through three lots of 'get to the hospital now' over a few months before her mum died.

On the flip side, my dad went so quickly that I didn't get the chance to see him.

I've been told by a nurse that some people seem to wait until their family are by their side to go. Others seem to wait until they are alone - for example the family member nips out if the room to get food or go to the loo.

I don't think there's one right answer. Do what feels right for you.

I would go. I avoided travel for a year or two before my father's expected death. I still missed his last moments. These things are often out of our hands anyway, unless you never leave the room. Which is unhealthy.

I have had the same situation the other way around with my children when my life was at risk. I encouraged them to be out and about, go on holiday and live normal lives. Because unless they actually sat in the room with me all day every day, there was a good chance of them missing the actual moment anyway. And no, I didn't want them sitting in the room all day every day!!!!

Not worth putting their life on hold for. I know and feel their love with me whether they are in the room or not

i am so sorry for your loss

So sorry your Dad passed. Xx

I think it’s lovely that you rang daily and talked to your dad about the fun things you were doing.
I was seriously ill a couple of years ago and all I wanted was to hear about the happy things family and friends were doing, it cheered me up no end whilst stuck in hospital.

@Dinoswearunderpants I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

I firmly believe that sometimes you just know, despite what doctors and nurses may be saying. I’m glad you went with your gut feeling and I hope your lovely dad passed peacefully. He’s at rest now. ❤️

Sorry for your loss

My colleagues mother just died. She’s been doing the rush to hospital gather all the family around only for her to rally, long slow recovery. Then back to hospital for six years.

She is feeling really numb as has already grieved so many times but also she’s been in this unable to plan limbo for years as Sod’s law every time she did the care home would ring.

I think in your position I’d want to consider worst case scenarios. What if he dies whilst you are away? Logistically what would happen? The other thing is what if he lives for up to a decade in weak, fragile health. Will you sacrifice all family holidays? Even though he has said it isn’t what he wants.

So sorry for your loss

Lol. Well you'll probably be alone so it's all good

So sorry to hear this. Sending strength

This!

Sorry the quote didn’t save. If you don’t go he will think the doc has told you his death is imminent. He wants you to go. Respect his wishes.

So sorry for your loss. X

sorry, I didn't read you update - much love to you x