Not to negotiate my inheritance

[Needafriend14]

I need a hand hold and some advice please.My DM passed away last July after a battle with cancer. Im still grieving there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her. I miss her so much.she was my best friend, confident and gave me unconditional love.I was blessed. We were joined at the hip.I took her to luncheon clubs, art clubs ,GP hospital appointment, shopping etc

Rewind 5 years ago and she 'gifted' me and my family a deposit for a larger house so she could move in with us.I had an extension made like a flat to accommodate her.

She took ill last February and it was down hill after that.My 2 brothers (lets call them Bill and Ben) came into ours lives after only visiting once or twice a year..

They asked about a Will and had she had made one.She had I was given 40% both Biil and Benn 30% ( I know very distasteful at this time in her life) they knew about the gift and said it was Ok. However they had the Will revised (unbeknown to mum, she agreed in the end that Ben instead of Bill and myself was executors. I was still one of the executors.

Fast forward 5 months when she had passed away and Ben couldn't wait to send it to probate.He didn't organise anything else.

Anyway legalities went through and I don't think it was what they had been planning (I think the solicitor knew what they were up to). To their dismay the 'gift' was included in the final distributions.Ben rang me and said I hadn't disclosed it. I said I had and he asked the probate manger proof or this.When received proof he suggested that I get back to her and say that I borrowed it ( the gift)He then asked probate to revalue the Will because it wasn't fair and claimed that he me and DM had had a conversation about early inheritance !!

All over Christmas he was messaging me saying he has now hired a booking ledger to look at 7 year statements (I presume he thinks I have been dipping in her account) I haven't.

It has been horendous no compassion I have been in bits.

All through this he is saying (in a very polite professional way he is just doing what an executor does) and wants to distribute the money evenly. Because I had the gift and it should be equal.

This point I am not communicating with him. Bill gets on and suggests a mediator with legal qualifications. I state I don't need one there is nothing to discuss the probate manger has confirmed twice that everything is in place and that signatures are needed.

Any way Ben won't sign the final documents and has threaten me( in a nice way) with the 7 year statements.His last message was 'no stone will go unturned' We need a mediation!'

Sorry it's so long thanks for reading I just needed to get this off my chest to see what you all think AIBU? It is effecting my wellbeing and I can't put mum to rest.

We don't know the value of the estate or the gift, or the nil rate band available so none of us can say if IHT kicks in and how much and what any taper relief will be.

The basic nil rate band is £325k. If the mother was married to the father and he didn't use own his £325k nil rate band (ie because he left everything to his wife which is IHT exempt) then the two can be added together = £650k.

It is true that sometimes the nil rate band can be up to £1m but this depends on certain things:
It assumes the Double nil rate band applies to account for the first £650k.
The remaining £350k must relate to value of the family home.
The family home must be left to the children of the decreased.

So mother would need to be leaving £1m of assets (not including the gift) and at least 350k of assets must be the value or part value of the family home to get the full £1m nil rate band. (It could be somewhere in between 650k and 1m of course. )

However I am doubtful that there was a "family home" forming part of the estate. It sounds like mother gave up her own home some years ago and gave daughter a monetary gift to build an extension on daughters home. Whilst the mother did live in the extension, if she did not acquire a right to a share of the title (as a joint tenant) then she had no home to leave as part of her estate.

Condolences on the passing of your mother, this must be very hard.
I haven’t read all the comments (just the OPs) so apologies if I am repeating what others have said.
Do not ‘negotiate’ over the lifetime gift she made to you - it was a gift not a loan so it does not need to be ‘paid back’ into the estate. It might be considered a loan if there was evidence of some kind of loan agreement or if you started paying it back, but otherwise they won’t be able to prove it was a loan (as it wasn’t).
Don't be threatened by him saying he will scrutinise payments going back 7 years - that is often a normal thing the solicitors / executors do to find any lifetime gifts which might be relevant for IHT. As your gift was 5 years before her death, some tax might be payable by the estate, but let the solicitors deal with that and advise you all accordingly.
If they kick up a fuss about any payment made to you or other aspects of what happened whilst he was alive, you can raise the point that as you provided care, you are entitled to be paid for that under the care act. You can get advice from
the estate solicitors or get your own solicitors if needed.
He can’t change the will to ‘make it fair’ - your mother has passed so the will cannot be changed unless by the court. The beneficiaries (you three) can agree on different distributions but you certainly don’t have to (and I wouldn’t if I was you).
The Estate solicitors have to remain neutral and if there is a dispute between you all then they will wait for the outcome before going further, but you can ask them to give their advice to the executors, eg how they suggest they deal with lifetime gifts and IHT. If your brother continues to cause trouble, you can instruct your own solicitor, or at least get a bit of advice yourself.
I know it is hard especially whilst you are grieving, but money and grief can bring out the worst in people. I used to be an estate dispute solicitor and all my workload was families arguing over an estate.

so sorry you're going through this, OP. Just came on to say that I can fully anticipate this exact scenario happening to us in a few years' time as DH and I are very willing to take care of all of our parents when the time comes, but would need their financial assistance to expand our home to have space for them.

Knowing DH's brothers, there will be a right scramble to claw back whatever money they can, despite causing no end of upset and trouble for PIL and bringing no joy or love into their lives. It really is terrible - it's putting me off the idea but at the same time I wouldn't want to leave PIL to go to a home when they could happily live with family instead. If anyone has any guidance on how to avoid the OP's situation, please let me know!

You mention having a large tax bill. You should note that any tax due on gifts made within the 7 year IHT limit falls on the estate not on the recipient, assuming the estate has funds available.

Downsizing relief is available, the parents do not need to leave the physical home as long as they have owned it at some stage.

I’ve been through something very similar recently. Some brothers are absolute arseholes aren’t they. Don’t let the greedy grasping swine get to you.!Let me tell you what my very expensive solicitor explained to me. The facts are that the Will is the only document that counts. Statements, supposed discussions, spoken agreements, notions of fairness or whatever count for nothing. Executors have no power to do anything the Will doesn’t directly tell them to. Only what your mum wrote in a signed and witnessed document is of any consequence. And Importantly, witnessed by someone who doesn’t stand to gain from it - so not your brother. He cannot as an executor do anything the Will doesn’t direct. If he refuses to sign probate then you can reasonably apply to have him removed. Executors don’t make decisions about the estate they exist only to ensure the contents of the Will are carried out - to the letter.and that debts are paid. I hope this helps. In other words tell brother if he stalls on signing you’ll simply have him removed. He has no power in and of himself.

This is true to a point, the executor can alter the will via a solicitor (I am in the process of doing this myself at the moment) but only with the express permission of all the named beneficiaries.

Clearly in this case that's not going to happen, so as you say, the brother just has to suck it up.

I don't think it surprising that children of deceased parents get upset when a parent has left unequal amounts. It's a bit rich for the sibling being left more of the inheritance to be calling the siblings who have been left less money greedy and grabbing.

I say that as the child who will do all the caring etc and who has at least one shitty unpleasant brother. I can't imagine how, as a parent, you would leave more to one child than another. It's a shitty and often manipulative thing to do and one that's obviously going to cause unpleasantness.

There are exceptions such as if one child is disabled.

Dear OP, I’m so sorry you’re having go through all this x please stay strong, your mum gave you that gift and that gave her a wonderful life being close to you when she needed you the most x
as to your brothers, they are not going to bully you this time! If you can afford a solicitor please get one, do not engage with Bill and Ben, and send every communication from them to your solicitor. If solicitor is not an option, check out citizens advice and Age UK, who have really helpful legal people who can offer some help x your mum sorted out who got what after her death, they should be grateful to get anything, an inheritance is not mandatory and shouldn’t be expected. Please stay strong, hold on to your mums love for you for courage and tell them to go back to their flowerpots! X 🌷