Would you raise an eyebrow? Can’t work as teenager sick

[Asprogata]

Lovely sunny day (destined to be busy) at a visitor attraction and a key team member (head chef) phoned to say they couldn’t come in as their child had a migraine (16 in a couple of months).

Child is not neuro diverse and no other issues raised about their physical/mental health (which appears otherwise good).

Would you raise an eyebrow?

I think the fact that they’ve been on SM goes a bit against the parent but are you sure they were posting actively from the morning? Maybe they just posted somewhere later 1 or 2 sentences. Or they could have asked Mum to read and then post something depending on the topic.

The SM activity is alleged. It’s not fact.

This is identifiable to the team member involved and their colleagues, which could really damage your working relationship with them.

If you need support with issues like this your line manager or HR team are the appropriate people to discuss with.

If you had, say, a day off for menopause symptoms would you like seeing a post from your line manager seemingly moaning about your absence and talking about how team members and their children are discussing it too?

I can’t believe you are questioning a parent who is looking after her sick child. Why are you discussing the reasons with other members of staff, especially about the alleged social media activity? It is not their business. How you, or anyone else, has ever felt with a migraine has got nothing do with anything, neither has other staff member’s family circumstances. I think you need to be a bit more professional in your role as manager as your workplace sounds toxic to me.

My child has had a migraine so bad that he was screaming and vomited. He was a bit younger than 16 but I would have been too worried to go to work and wouldn’t have been able to do anything without a constant need to check on him. I think it is different when it is your child suffering and not yourself.

Precisely, and seems to be via the same people complaint about the person being off!

I would personally give the benefit of the doubt and assume the teenager was genuinely ill enough to need looking after.

Unless the staff member in question was known for regularly giving flimsy excuses.

Unfortunately DH has the type of job where he can’t stay at home when I have a migraine, but I wish he could. Instead he leaves me in bed with vomit bowls close by, pain killers to hand, ice packs on my head and I have to hope for the best.

DS1 has had horrendous migraines when he was a teenager and we’d have never left him alone, because we didn’t need to. Be a bit more understanding, OP.

Yes, the gripers may be grasping at imaginary straws.

OP, it’s really neither here nor there. Your employee is allowed time off for dependents. You can raise eyebrows all you want but you are not at liberty to decide when a dependent is fit to self care nor, presumably, to alter your company or government policy.

so is the migraine

Strongly agree.

If I were the staff member and I stumbled across this post, I'd know it was about me and my teenager, and I'd also cringe with embarrassment at my manager using a parenting website for advice on management.

No, that isn’t because it’s not hearsay.

Ordinarily I would say Yanbu but as a sufferer of migraines with aura I can confirm they’re deeply unpleasant.

I do remember though in work a few years ago a lady I worked with left work to go be with her daughter who had a sickness bug. The daughter was 30 and married. It did raise
a few eyebrows given that it wasn’t that serious and her husband was at home as well.

tbf if my had fuck all to do with me but my mum would not have done the same (despite being a very loving mother!)

As a migraine suffered, no I absolutely would not raise an eyebrow because migraines are utterly vile and debilitating. I wouldn't care if I was the Queen, if my child had a migraine, even at 16, I would absolutely stay with them. Unless this is a regular occurrence and you can prove the child wasn't ill, I'd be telling other staff in the nicest possibly way to mind their own business.

My eldest suffers from horrendous migraines. When he gets one, he disappears into his bedroom and sleeps for 24 hours, waking only to sip water, use the toilet and take painkillers (if he can keep them down). He's not on his phone or any other devices as he can barely see when he has one - and wouldn't feel able to even if he could see. I've always been on hand in case he needs me, and check on him at regular intervals in case he needs anything. So yes, it's entirely plausible that your employee needs to be with their child.

Most people would not have the luxury of being off work in these circumstances

I once had a migraine so bad that I couldn't see so yeah a legitimate reason to want to be with your child if they are suffering one.

OP, you say I suffered crippling migraines during an extremely abusive childhood

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds awful.

I wonder whether it may have coloured your view of how people can and should look after the people they love? The situation at work today must have been quite tough without your staff member in, I get that. All the same, there are times when it's more important to be there for a teenaged child. I guess your parents never showed that to you, which must be very painful for you even now.

Any normal parent would prioritise their child’s health over a day at work, FFS! And please don’t assume that because you’ve had migraines, everyone else can deal with them in the same way - they vary hugely. As PPs have said, unless your employee frequently makes suspicious excuses to miss work, you are being very unreasonable and highly unprofessional.

I used to suffer with such regular debilitating migraines between 8-22 (touch wood only a couple a year now)

but if hes throwing up (water or bile could choke) slight noise or light would feel like a lazer. But in one of your posts said he was on Social media, get everyone is different but most people with a migraine can barely move or lift their head let alone look at a screen because its too bright so that sounds sus.

If they’re sick and cant move because laid up in bed etc its safer to have someone around.

ive friends who still suffer terribly, one has medical botox and one anti sickness injections and been hospitalised, and after its passed she’s out of action for a few days still.

if it is was just a headache sure at 16 deal with it but a migraine is not a headache Theyre debilitating especially at 16 when you need the added support. But the being able to be on socials seem sus.

So many people confuse a really bad headache or headache for an actual migraine and its infuriating 😅

It’s not a luxury. If your child is ill you do what you have to do.

I would be so upset if I found my manager crowdsourcing opinions on the legitimacy of my child’s illness 😬

Think that the key point.

Allegedly on sm, according to the children of the people who're complaining about the parent. Bloody hell @Asprogata just tell the staff member they and their child are the hot gossip topic at work, and that you're leading the witch hunt against them.
Hopefully in writing so they can have evidence.