Strange Grandmother Name claim

[lulufar]

More of a WWYD. I have changed names. We have a large blended family. My niece is about to have a baby. My neice's step-mother has just stated that her grandmother name is going to be "Charlie" as her middle name is Sharlene. The issue is my daughter aged 13 has always been called "Charlie" as her name is Charlise. My daughter is naturally upset that her name has been claimed as a grandmother name and what grandmother has ever been called "Charlie". The stepmother claims that there is no problem as she will spell "Charlie" differently think "Charley". I just find the whole thing very odd and at the moment am waiting to see if she will realise that this is a very strange behaviour. So WWYD?

You are being unreasonable - suck it up 13 year old and change your name back to Charlise.

You are NOT being unreasonable - call stepmother Granny Charley

Okaaay. This woman is not actually related to your daughter, so she can call herself what she likes.

To me it just sounds like your niece's stepmother is trying to choose a name that isn't a traditional grandmother name and she doesn't want to just use her real name so she's cute-si-fied it to make it more special.

Your niece will influence what her child calls her grandparents (including step grandparents). If she doesn't want her to call her step mum Charlie due to her cousin being Charlie... she will refer to her as something else.

Children often come up with their own descriptors anyway... mine used to call their grandfathers "Bus grandad" and "Garden Grandad," after their jobs!

Thats cute. DS2 always called his grandads shouty grandad( he was deaf) and grumpy grandad (he was grumpy tbf) 😀

What's the step mother's first name?

My daughter had 'Flossie's nana' and 'Sandy's nana' after their dogs.
Children find their own names.

This sounds like such a non issue. Do you spend a lot of time with this nieces step mother? If so isn’t she the one who will look silly all of a sudden calling herself the same name as your DD?

"Niece's stepmother" is most definitely wider family rather than immediate, so i think YABU. It would be completely different if it was your own stepmother.

Its not uncommon for names to appear more than once within a family,.so for me it's a total non-issue (I have a DBro, Uncle and FIL who all share a first name, for example).

Plus, Granny Charley won't be your daughter's granny, so just keep calling her whatever she's currently called!!

'The issue is my daughter aged 13 has always been called "Charlie" as her name is Charlise. My daughter is naturally upset that her name has been claimed as a grandmother name'

You and your daughter need to get a grip.

What a pile of nonsense. You don't own the name.

I’m not going to vote as I don’t think either of them need to be a thing, surely they can both be called Charlie if that’s what they both prefer to be called - in the nicest way possible, I don’t see how this will affect your daughter in any way at all?

YABU , but your daughter can still be called Charlie and doesn't need to start using Charlise.
Is the stepmother married to your, or your husband's brother, so is now your sister in law? If not, how much would they even have to do with each other?

Your daughter won’t be calling her by this name so it’s none of your business really what your neices child calls her step grandma, it sounds like you’re way too involved in each others lives tbh take a step back.

There is no issue whatsoever, you’re being silly and encouraging your daughter to be equally silly.

Can I choose,"yabu and keep dd name as charlie"?

Fuss over nothing.

No different to her knowing another Charlie.

It really has nothing to do with you, you're making a fuss about nothing.

Ahhh no this is ridiculous sorry op

I think it's a bit shit to make up a grandmother name, either use her first name or a traditional one (foreign is fine)

But even with that in mind, how often will your DD be around your niece's step mother??

I’m confused why you are both bothered. Continue calling your daughter Charlie and let the extended family crack on

I've never heard of anyone making up a new name for being a grandmother but at 13 your child is old enough to know that she doesn't have sole ownership of a name

It is fine for your neices step mother to call herself Charlie. Nothing to do with you. What you think of it is of no relevance. She can call herself whatever she wants

You’re making a mountain out of an (non-existent) molehill.

Your daughter’s name is Charley. That won’t change.

Nueve’s granny’s going to also be called Charley. So what? How often will you see nieces child and grandmother.

Is no one else in the world allowed to be called Charlie?

A bit weird the step mother is using her middle name as a title, but each to their own.

What I don’t really understand is why your DD feels that this will affect her in the slightest, or why she would need to change her name back to Charlise. Why does she think that there can only be one Charlie? Does she understand that as she gets older and meets more people, she’s going to come across a few Charlies. It’s not that unusual a name. Is she going to get possessive about them too?

I wonder whether it’s a case of a teenager enjoying a bit of melodrama? If so, I think you’d be doing her a favour by telling her that she’s being silly and that an infant is not going to have any difficulties distinguishing between Nanny Charley and Cousin Charlie.

Has your niece got anyone else that the baby is going to be calling grandma or similar? Perhaps the stepmother is trying to not be called grandma because she's a stepmother.

It's totally fine for two people to have the same name.

@lulufar I don't understand the relationship here. Surely your niece's stepmother is your sister-in-law?

Does your brother/your husband have any thoughts? If so they can say anything needed, but tbh Charlie is such a popular name that your DD will not be the only Charlie in their cousin's baby's life.

Some of our (massive) family have two or three cousins either with the same name (eg named after a shared grandad) or because they only really see each other at family parties. I can see your DD might be upset but she needs to accept it, unusual as it is for the stepmother to just make a name up. Ime most children end up being the ones to choose the grandparent's names not the other way around.

Unless you’ve changed so many details to make this absolutely not identifying, it doesn’t really make sense.
Why would your daughter care about her cousin’s step-mother? How often will she have to hear about the other Charley? The relationship isn’t close enough to worry about it.

@TomWambsgansSwanscross posted with you. I don’t understand the relationship either, but assume niece’s step-mother must be Op’s ex-brother-in-law’s new wife. I can’t see how it’s a problem for such a distant relationship. The niece will have to call her step-mother and her cousin by the same name, but that could have happened anyway. The issue is just the supposed ‘grannyfying’ of Op’s daughter’s name but it isn’t, is it.

If step-mother’s name was Rose Charley Surname, then Niece’s baby could be told to call them ‘Grandpa and Rose’ because she’s not the actual grandma, niece’s mother is. So ‘Grandpa and Charley’ is basically the same. It doesn’t make ‘Charley’ a granny name, it’s just a name.