Strange Grandmother Name claim

[lulufar]

More of a WWYD. I have changed names. We have a large blended family. My niece is about to have a baby. My neice's step-mother has just stated that her grandmother name is going to be "Charlie" as her middle name is Sharlene. The issue is my daughter aged 13 has always been called "Charlie" as her name is Charlise. My daughter is naturally upset that her name has been claimed as a grandmother name and what grandmother has ever been called "Charlie". The stepmother claims that there is no problem as she will spell "Charlie" differently think "Charley". I just find the whole thing very odd and at the moment am waiting to see if she will realise that this is a very strange behaviour. So WWYD?

You are being unreasonable - suck it up 13 year old and change your name back to Charlise.

You are NOT being unreasonable - call stepmother Granny Charley

Hmm 2 people having the same name is not very strange behaviour 🙄

This is a bit of a non-issue. How often will they actually be in the same room for it to make any difference? There are plenty of families where two or more people share the same name. Yabu to make a big deal of it, they can both be Charlie.

Shes a step grandmother and lots of people think they shouldn't be refereed to as gran/Nanna/grandma. And one of her names is sharlene so Charlie is a shortened version of that.

Charley isn't short for sharlene though is it? Sharley could be.

Or is Charlene?

At the end of the day, how much contact will your daughter have with your niece's step grandmother?

Yeah but it’s not her name, it’s her middle name. It’s a bizarre idea. In future, when the baby is a young child, will people refer to step-grandma as “Charlie” or whatever her actual name is ? That’ll be so confusing for the child.

I find it seriously odd when grandparents declare “I will be called so and so” especially when it’s a non-grandparent name!
Kids end up calling their grandparents either

1. Whatever older cousins call them
2. Whatever they are able to pronounce when they start to speak

I had a “Papa” because my older cousin couldn’t say “grandpa” and I know kids who ab e a “banma” because they couldn’t pronounce “grandma”. These kids are teens. My children call MIL granny because that’s what older cousins called them.

Declaring a child not yet born will call you X is on the controlling side.

So this is about your daughter's first cousin once removed calling her step grandmother a name that sounds quite like your daughter's name.

How does this matter at all? Yeah if you are a big family that gets together a lot there may be a bit of "are you yelling for Charlie or Sharlie" eventually - probably around the time your daughter stops going to big family events - but really how likely is that.

Leave them at it. your daughter doesn't need to use her full name (you were joking when you said that OP - right?) This is a non event.

My DH’s stepmum is known as ‘Nanna Angela’ to my kids. A nice balance.

1. The grandma is being weird. Never heard something so batshit before.
2. The baby will call her whatever she wants anyway. It will probably be grandma Charlie or sth like that and ther will not be any confusion.
3. She's actually extended family, it really doesn't matter if there are 2 Charlie's in the family and you should calmly explain this to your daughter so she doesn't make this a big deal. No reason to be upset.

Does your daughter even see your niece’s stepmother? It seems a really distant relationship. She’s your daughter’s aunty by marriage, is that right? And the only one who would call her that name anyway is your daughter’s half-cousin. Realistically how often are they likely to even be in the same room?

What a non issue, ffs.

so true!!! My husband, my father, my granddad, his grandad, his uncle, his cousin are all called John. We made it work 😂😂😂

I had a great aunt who had two daughters who both ended up married to men called Bob. They were just referred to as “(daughter’s name’s) Bob” and it didn’t really cause any issues so I’m sure this can be lived with!

Yeah, I agree that this doesn't matter. Of course your daughter shouldn't change what people call her. Personally, I think it's a bit silly when grandparents try to avoid being called one of the traditional names (Granny, Nanna, etc.), but it won't matter in the long run. Maybe your daughter can come up with a cute nickname for just the baby to call her, if she'd like, but it's not necessary.

I really can’t imagine situations where they would be mixed up.

I don't think that your daughter is overreacting or particularly self-centered. The situation is weird if the stepgrandcharlie-to-be has never gone by Sharlene/Charlie and the family call her by her first name. It would be understandable if she already went by Sharlene and the new baby eventually couldn't pronounce that and so said Sharlie/Charlie and it stuck - but this is far from that. It's completely understandable that your daughter's questioning it - she's 13, it will have caught her attention as it's her name, and the explanation she's been given makes no sense.

However, I would try to reassure your daughter that it's not something to be worried about too much. Her cousin's stepmother (her aunt?) seems to have misunderstood the "grandma name" concept but people use all sorts especially in blended families; it's up to the mum and dad to figure out what the baby will use, so let's see what happens. If there ends up being more than one Charlie it'll get worked out. Absolutely do NOT suggest your Charlie should change what she's called because of this!!

If this is not a shared grandparent the cousins will likely have little to do with that part of the family ime

Can't imagine a 13 year old giving any thought to something like this tbh much less being upset enough to make a fuss.
she is most probably reacting to the fuss you are making and she thinks she has to agree with you.
Unless you all lived in the same house I can't imagine she'll be around them to even hear it.

I'm now imagining Big John. Little John. Medium John. Bigger than Medium but smaller than Big John. Smaller than Medium but bigger than Little John. John the elder and Wee red headed John. 😂

Charlie will be very difficult to say. They can't do the 'ch' or the 'ar', will likely come out a somewhat lispy 'ganny shlee'. My grandad was dadad for that reason. Couldn't do the r and it stuck.

‘Naturally upset’ 🙄 this is such a non-issue I don’t even know where to start. You’re doing your daughter a disservice feeding into this.

Charlise and Charlene!

So your brother's new wife, then? Your daughter's aunt? Yes, she's being a bit weird if it's that close.

It's irrelevant what she wants to be called in my experience. She'll just get whatever name the child uses or the parents use around him/her, often a corruption of what the toddler can pronouce.

I'd go for option 3 - stop the dramatics over what your second cousins step grandma is going to be called kid and carry on calling yourself Charlie

It could be OPs brother/sister's ex partner's new partner's mother?
Or OPs partner's brother/sister's ex partner's new partner's mother?

Any way my DS called one of his Grannies after a lego piece 😂