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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strange Grandmother Name claim

65 replies

lulufar · 14/04/2024 21:01

More of a WWYD. I have changed names. We have a large blended family. My niece is about to have a baby. My neice's step-mother has just stated that her grandmother name is going to be "Charlie" as her middle name is Sharlene. The issue is my daughter aged 13 has always been called "Charlie" as her name is Charlise. My daughter is naturally upset that her name has been claimed as a grandmother name and what grandmother has ever been called "Charlie". The stepmother claims that there is no problem as she will spell "Charlie" differently think "Charley". I just find the whole thing very odd and at the moment am waiting to see if she will realise that this is a very strange behaviour. So WWYD?

You are being unreasonable - suck it up 13 year old and change your name back to Charlise.

You are NOT being unreasonable - call stepmother Granny Charley

OP posts:
EveryoneJapan · 15/04/2024 12:15

Am I missing something here? There are loads of families where people share the same name. I don’t really see the issue.

AmyDudley · 15/04/2024 12:18

I assume since OP said she had changed names, that the name is not actually 'Charlie' (so any discussion over whether it is a valid choice of name is redundant)

What the stepmother chooses to call herself is up to her and your niece, and nothing whatsoever to do with you or your DD.

It is one of those life situations that most people manage to accept with absolutely no fuss - i.e. some people have the same name as us. I have an incredibly common name. I have managed to live through the trauma of encountering other people with the same name (including four others in my class at school) and emerge into old age unscathed by not having a unique name.

MorningSunshineSparkles · 15/04/2024 14:08

So not your daughter’s grandparent, aunt or related in any way…. Stop being precious

SleepingStandingUp · 15/04/2024 14:11

How much time do you and your daughter spend with your niece and her step Mom? How much time will that be in a few years when baby can actually say Charly?

It isn't like the child isn't going to get confused and your 13 yo is old cc enough to understand "because she's the step Nan she wants to be called something other than Nan or just her first name, she wants a special name so is using her first name".

Presumably when you refer to her, you'll continue to use her first name on the same way your nieces Mom won't suddenly become Nanna to everyone so there won't be any confusion.

Chatonette · 15/04/2024 14:17

I’m trying to understand how close in proximity the niece’s stepmum is to your daughter….is this your brother’s new wife? Or your sister’s ex-husband’s new wife? I get the impression it’s your sister’s ex-husband’s new wife, which means it has nothing to do with your daughter, no?

thecatsthecats · 15/04/2024 14:23

My nephew has got this nailed, and he's five.

His best friend has the same name as my son. When he met my son, he proudly announced that he had TWO best friends named Tommy.

So I encourage your daughter to have the same open heart and emotional maturity as a five year old, OP.

BodyKeepingScore · 15/04/2024 14:45

Seems a bit dramatic for your daughter to be "naturally upset". It's a name. She doesn't own it. Especially since it's a derivative of her name and not even her actual name.

KreedKafer · 15/04/2024 15:05

You are being ridiculous to think it is any of your business what a grandchild who is not yours calls her step-grandmother who is also not yours. What on earth does it matter if your teenager is called Charlie?

Heartoverhead1 · 15/04/2024 15:07

What's it got to do with you or your daughter?

isitbananatimealready · 15/04/2024 15:13

Your niece's step-mother - is this on your side of the family or your dp's side of the family? I'm confused. How often will you or your dd actually see them anyway? Why does your dd care what this woman wants to call herself?

GreatGateauxsby · 15/04/2024 15:21

she is being weird but I wouldn’t give it headspace...it’s a long time off from mattering

Separately….Good luck to “Charlie”

my mil and dm had clear ideas about “their grandma names” neither are particularly impressed with their current moniker which is “GAMMY!” 😅😅😅😅

x2boys · 15/04/2024 15:21

lulufar · 14/04/2024 21:01

More of a WWYD. I have changed names. We have a large blended family. My niece is about to have a baby. My neice's step-mother has just stated that her grandmother name is going to be "Charlie" as her middle name is Sharlene. The issue is my daughter aged 13 has always been called "Charlie" as her name is Charlise. My daughter is naturally upset that her name has been claimed as a grandmother name and what grandmother has ever been called "Charlie". The stepmother claims that there is no problem as she will spell "Charlie" differently think "Charley". I just find the whole thing very odd and at the moment am waiting to see if she will realise that this is a very strange behaviour. So WWYD?

You are being unreasonable - suck it up 13 year old and change your name back to Charlise.

You are NOT being unreasonable - call stepmother Granny Charley

In my family we had a family name passed down the generations and sometimes there were more than one of them in the same room somehow we coped and nobody got confused
To further complicate things my Grandma married again in her early 60,s and both she and my ( Step) Grandad had a son with the same name ,again we coped .

HoHoHoliday · 15/04/2024 15:27

This is very much a non-issue! Most children in the country now have a name that someone of my grandmother's age would have been called. So your daughter being upset that her name has been claimed as a "grandmother name" is just silly, there is no such thing. It sounds to me like the step-mother has been diplomatic in naming herself something other than grandma/nan/etc so that the biological grandmothers get to use those names.

mondaytosunday · 15/04/2024 16:04

Yea I think this woman will find out that her grandchild will call her whatever they want to call her. But can't the girl's dad have a word?

RainStreakedWindows · 15/04/2024 19:05

The issue of what to call a step-grandmother is often complicated and fraught enough without worrying about what your cousin thinks. Leave it well alone.

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